The graph below shows the percentages of US households owning five different kinds of technology between 1995 and 1999.
This response is estimated at Band 7.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The line chart compares the percentages of US households owning washing machinesmachine, computers, phones, the Internet, and DVD playerscomputer, phone, Internet and DVD player between 1995 and 1999.
Overall, it is clear that the proportions of all types of technological equipment followedhad an upward trend over the period from 1995 to 1999. In addition, the proportion of US households with washing machinespercentage of people in the USA who owned washing machines was the highest during these years, and the figure for DVD player owners dipped slightlyhad a dip at the beginning. By the end of the period, phone ownership experienced the steepest rise, overtaking computers to take second place.B**y the end of the period, phone ownership experienced the steepest rise, overtaking computers to take second place.**
**To be more specific, in 1995, washing machines had the highest ownership rate at around 60%, followed by computers at roughly 40%, DVD players at about 25%, phones at 18%, and the Internet at only 10%**. One year later, ownership rates for all technologies rose except for DVD players, which dropped by 10 percentage points from 1995 to 1996.**One year later, ownership rates for all technologies rose except for DVD players, which dropped by 10 percentage points from 1995 to 1996.**
By 1997,Turning to 1997, the percentages of US householdsresidents with Internet access was the same as the share of those owning DVD playersplayer, and both reached 30% in 1998. In the final year of the period,During the last year between 1995 and 1999, the proportion of households with phonesthe phone owners’ proportion increased from around 45% to 75%, becoming the second highest figurebecoming the second figure among these five kinds of technology. The ownership of DVD players fell to the lowest position in 1999 at around 40%round 40% proportion, exactly half the proportion recorded for washing machines (80%).half that of washing machines.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay effectively describes the main trends and provides accurate statistical data for all five technologies over the given timeframe. Its strongest feature is the clear overview and logical key feature comparisons across years. To improve further, refine minor grammatical precision regarding article usage and enhance lexical choice when referring to comparative figures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Key trends and visual details are well-selected and reported accurately against the graph source data.
Ensure all minor starting figures match the graph precisely without over-simplifying small data points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is organized logically with clear paragraphing and appropriate transition words throughout.
Vary referencing terms to connect contrasting trends smoothly without repeating time markers unnecessarily.
Lexical Resource
A good variety of vocabulary is used flexibly to describe rises, drops, and comparative positions.
Replace slightly awkward phrases like 'second figure' with more natural collocations such as 'second most popular device'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response features a good mix of simple and complex structures with generally good control.
Ensure correct article and noun usage, particularly with countable nouns like 'washing machines'.