The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Sample Response
The line chart illustratesdelineates employment trends across four sectorsthe information about the number of jobs in manufacturing, retail, agriculture and healthcare of the economy in the US over 60 years from 1960. Overall, it is obvious that, in 1960, the number of jobs in manufacturing accounted for the largest figuredelineated the lagerest figure, while retail and agriculture started at the same level.followed by that in retail and agriculture stayed the same level. Furthermore, the number of jobs in healthcare delineated the smallest number, and it rose sharply to the highest figure alongside retaillagerest number with that in agriculture in 2020. Then followed by the number of jobs in manufacturing. Agriculture had the lowest number of jobs. In 1960, the number of jobs in manufacturing was the highest at 15 millionmillions, it rose to 20 millionmillions in 1980, then declined to 13 million in 202013 in 2020. The number of jobs in retail and agriculture waswere the same at 6 millionmillions in 1960. Healthcare which stayed the lowest number at 2 at the same time. In addition,What' s more, the number of jobs in both retail and healthcare increased sharply to 16 millionincreased sharply at 16 millions in 2020. In contrast, the number of jobsBut the number of jobs in agriculture decreased slightlysightly to the lowest number at 2 million in 2020at 2 in 2020.
Why this response received Band 5.0
The report successfully includes key data points from the graph, accurately describing the trends for each sector over the 60-year period. However, the overall summary contains confusing inaccuracies, and the writing is hindered by repetitive vocabulary, sentence fragments, and grammatical errors. To improve, focus on presenting a clearer overall summary and structuring complete, grammatically sound sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Main trends and key details are presented, but the overview contains contradictory statements regarding which sectors peaked in 2020.
Ensure the overall summary clearly highlights key overall trends without confusing sector labels or data trends.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is present, but coherence suffers due to several sentence fragments and awkward transitions.
Use complete sentence structures and standard linking devices to connect key details logically.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient to communicate basic data, but features spelling mistakes and overused words such as delineates.
Vary your choice of verbs and descriptors for data trends while ensuring accurate spelling of comparative forms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Control of grammar is limited, featuring frequent errors in pluralization, comma splices, and incomplete sentences.
Practice combining clauses accurately using proper conjunctions and avoiding sentence fragments.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.