The table shows the worldwide market share of the mobile phone market for manufactures in the years 2005 and 2006.
Sample Response
The table illustrates the proportion of the market share of mobile phone services around the globe for manufacturing usages in 7 different companies, Nokia, Motorola, Samsung, L.G, BenQ Mobile and others between 2005 and 2006.
Overall, from 2005 to 2006, Nokia was the company with the largest market sharemost popular mobile phone service provider, while BenQ Mobile had the smallestleast market share among those companies. The market shares of NokiaThe percentage of the mobile phone market of Nokia, Motorola and Sony Ericsson increasedincreased steadily, while the remaining companiesthe rest of others declined between the two yearsdeclined throughout the period.
To begin with, it can be seen that in the year 2005, Nokia was the top number among others at 32.5%, following Motorola was 17.7% and their market share rates rose continuously by 2.5% and 3.4% respectively in 2006. In addition, Sony Ericsson held a 6.3% market sharewas 6.3% of the whole market share, and it also grew by 1.1 percentage points between 2005 and 2006roughly 1% between 2005 and 2006.
By contrast, SamsungMoreover, Samsung, L.G, BenQ Mobile and other companies saw declines in their global mobile phone market shareshad a downtrend of global mobile phone market share between the two yearsduring those periods. The worldwideAmong those companies, the worldwide market share of BenQ Mobile and others fellfell rapidly from 4.9% to 2.4% and from 19.2% to 16.2%, respectively, while Samsung and L.GSamsung and L.G companies decreased slightly by 0.9 and 0.4 percentage pointsapproximately 1% and 0.4%.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response gives a clear overview and accurately reports the main shifts, with relevant figures covering every manufacturer category. Its main weakness is imprecise and sometimes unnatural wording, which makes several comparisons sound less authoritative than the data warrants. Prioritise precise market-share language and cleaner sentence structures, while stating the 2006 figures directly where useful.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview identifies the leaders and overall direction, while the details accurately cover all seven market categories and their changes.
State more of the final-year figures directly and describe the companies as manufacturers rather than service providers.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically from the overview to rising and falling categories, with clear paragraphing and generally effective referencing.
Use transitions more naturally and tighten connections within the long sentence comparing Nokia and Motorola.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficient for trends and comparisons, but several collocations such as manufacturing usages and top number are inaccurate or unnatural.
Use precise combinations such as mobile-phone manufacturers, held the largest share, rose, and declined.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the data clearly, although recurring clause, article, and noun-phrase errors reduce control.
Revise comparative sentence patterns and agreement, especially constructions such as followed by Motorola and Samsung and LG decreased.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The table shows the worldwide market share of the mobile phone market for manufactures in the years 2005 and 2006.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.