You have taken a cruise on a holiday and have been disappointed with the experience. Write a letter to the cruise provider. In your letter, say: - what went wrong - how you felt about it - what do you want to be done about it
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, After taking a holiday cruise recently, provided by your company, I felt that I needed to write this letter to bring a few things to your attention as far as my experience with your cruise service is concerned. In fact, the whole time, as long as I was on my holiday in your cruise ship, I felt like your company did not have any idea about how to professionally run and manage a holiday cruise. To begin with the problem, Initially, I was told that I would get a cabin on the top floor of the ship, for the price I was paying, so that I could enjoy the view of the ocean in the best way possible. But, when I got on your ship, I was given a cabin on the middle floor. Besides, I could also smell some kind of bad odour that was coming out of the ship. Finally, I was offered a very average quality of food for the whole week of my voyage. In such a situation, I do not think that expecting a full refund from your company is unreasonable since the quality of your service was way below standard. Yours faithfully, Peter Onslow
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix the modifier Original: After taking a holiday cruise recently, provided by your company Suggested revision: After recently taking a holiday cruise provided by your company Why it matters: The revised word order makes clear that the company provided the cruise.
- 2. State concerns directly Original: bring a few things to your attention Suggested revision: raise several concerns Why it matters: This is a concise formal way to introduce the complaint.
- 3. Remove wordiness Original: as far as my experience with your cruise service is concerned Suggested revision: about my experience with your cruise service Why it matters: The replacement preserves the topic without the cumbersome framing phrase.
- 4. Remove repeated time phrases Original: In fact, the whole time, as long as Suggested revision: Throughout the time Why it matters: The original stacks several expressions that all refer to the same duration.
- 5. Use on a ship Original: in Suggested revision: on Why it matters: English uses on, not in, for travelling aboard a ship.
- 6. Use formal reporting Original: like Suggested revision: that Why it matters: Felt that is more appropriate for a formal complaint than felt like.
- 7. Use concise formal wording Original: did not have any idea about how to professionally run and manage Suggested revision: did not know how to run and manage professionally Why it matters: The replacement removes an inflated phrase while preserving the criticism.
- 8. Use one sequence marker Original: To begin with the problem, Initially Suggested revision: Initially Why it matters: The two opening markers are redundant, and the first is unidiomatic.
- 9. Use formal passive Original: would get a cabin Suggested revision: would be given a cabin Why it matters: The passive form is clearer because the cruise provider assigned the cabin.
- 10. Use nautical term Original: top floor Suggested revision: upper deck Why it matters: Deck is the appropriate term for a level on a ship.
- 11. Remove unnecessary comma Original: ship, for the price Suggested revision: ship for the price Why it matters: The prepositional phrase is integrated into the clause and should not be separated by a comma.
- 12. Fix transition punctuation Original: But Suggested revision: However Why it matters: However followed by a comma forms an appropriate formal transition.
Suggested Rewrites
- After taking a holiday cruise recently, provided by your company After recently taking a holiday cruise provided by your company
- bring a few things to your attention raise several concerns
- as far as my experience with your cruise service is concerned about my experience with your cruise service
- In fact, the whole time, as long as Throughout the time
- in on
- like that
Why this response received Band 7.0
The letter communicates a clear, well-supported complaint by detailing the cabin downgrade, unpleasant odour and poor food, then requesting a full refund in an appropriately formal format. Its main weakness is a wordy and occasionally confrontational tone, together with several awkward constructions; the priority is to state the disappointment more professionally and specify why a full refund is the proportionate remedy.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The purpose is clear, all three bullet points are developed, and the requested full refund follows from several relevant service failures.
Express the emotional impact more explicitly and state the booking promise or service standard that justifies the full refund.
Coherence and Cohesion
The complaint moves logically from the overall dissatisfaction through three problems to the requested remedy, but some opening material is unnecessarily repetitive.
Use concise paragraphs for the purpose, the service failures, their impact, and the refund request.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate range for complaint and evaluation, although phrases such as as far as my experience is concerned and average quality of food are wordy or unnatural.
Prefer precise formal language such as contrary to my booking, persistent unpleasant odour, poor-quality meals, and below the promised standard.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are generally controlled, but punctuation, capitalisation, prepositions, and several awkwardly embedded phrases remain noticeable.
Remove unnecessary commas, use on the cruise ship, and revise openings so modifiers attach clearly to the subject.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You have taken a cruise on a holiday and have been disappointed with the experience. Write a letter to the cruise provider. In your letter, say:
- what went wrong
- how you felt about it
- what do you want to be done about it
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.