You are organising a trip to the Snowy Mountains in New South Wales for a group of students from Perth in Western Australia. Write to the manager of Student Hostel Services. In your letter explain: - when you want to visit the Snowy Mountains - how long you will stay - how many students are in your group and what accommodation you will require
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, I am a student at St Mary's College in Perth, Western Australia, and I am planning to go on a trip to the Snowy Mountains in New South Wales with a few other classmates of mine. We would like to stay in your hostel and would appreciate your help regarding this. We are planning to stay at your hostel from 4th June to 11th June 2025. We will be ten students in total and we need accommodation facilities for all. We expect five rooms, each with an attached bathroom and room heater. Moreover, we would like to have cooking facilities as a few of us would like to cook us meals. Our team would primarily explore the Snowy Mountains area and do skiing. However, we would be in a few other places nearby to travel the whole area. Any recommendation would be highly appreciated. It would be great if you could inform the availability of the rooms between 4th and 11th January. I would also request the cost of the rooms and details of the included facilities. I hope to receive the information soon. Yours faithfully, Ashesha Weerasinghe
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove wordiness Original: a few other classmates of mine Suggested revision: a few classmates Why it matters: The shorter phrase conveys the same meaning more naturally.
- 2. Clarify the request Original: appreciate your help regarding this Suggested revision: appreciate your assistance with the booking Why it matters: The revision states more precisely what assistance is being requested.
- 3. Use concise wording Original: accommodation facilities for all Suggested revision: accommodation for everyone Why it matters: Accommodation already refers to the required lodging facilities.
- 4. Use polite request Original: expect five rooms Suggested revision: would need five rooms Why it matters: The conditional form expresses the accommodation requirement more appropriately in a formal request.
- 5. Add the article Original: room Suggested revision: a Why it matters: A singular countable noun requires an article here.
- 6. Add a comma Original: cooking facilities as Suggested revision: cooking facilities, as Why it matters: A comma helps separate the main request from the following reason.
- 7. Correct the pronoun Original: cook us meals Suggested revision: cook our own meals Why it matters: The possessive phrase correctly expresses that the students will prepare meals for themselves.
- 8. Use suitable noun Original: team Suggested revision: group Why it matters: Group is the more natural term for students travelling together.
- 9. Correct the collocation Original: do Suggested revision: go Why it matters: English uses go skiing rather than do skiing.
- 10. Use additive linking Original: However, we would Suggested revision: In addition, we would Why it matters: The next activity adds information rather than contrasting with the previous sentence.
- 11. Use a precise verb Original: be in a few other places nearby Suggested revision: visit a few other places nearby Why it matters: Visit expresses the intended travel activity more clearly.
- 12. Correct the collocation Original: travel Suggested revision: explore Why it matters: Explore the area is the natural collocation for visiting several nearby places.
Suggested Rewrites
- a few other classmates of mine a few classmates
- appreciate your help regarding this appreciate your assistance with the booking
- accommodation facilities for all accommodation for everyone
- expect five rooms would need five rooms
- room a
- cooking facilities as cooking facilities, as
Why this response received Band 6.5
The letter has a clear purpose, suitable formal tone, and detailed coverage of the group size and accommodation requirements. Its main limitation is a serious date inconsistency: the planned stay is given as 4–11 June 2025, but room availability is later requested for 4–11 January. Prioritise checking that the visit dates remain identical throughout, then trim less essential sightseeing detail to keep the request focused.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
All bullet points are developed with relevant detail, but the contradictory June and January dates create uncertainty about the requested stay.
State one consistent arrival and departure period and explicitly confirm the seven-night duration.
Coherence and Cohesion
The letter progresses logically from purpose and dates to accommodation, activities, and final requests, though some transitions are loosely used.
Group the core booking details together and place optional recommendations after the availability and price request.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate and appropriately formal, but several collocations such as ‘cook us meals’, ‘do skiing’, and ‘inform the availability’ are unnatural.
Use natural phrases including ‘cook our own meals’, ‘go skiing’, ‘confirm availability’, and ‘provide the room rates’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The letter uses varied structures and remains clear, despite recurring article, preposition, pronoun, and clause-construction errors.
Simplify sentences describing activities and requests, and proofread each verb for its required preposition or object.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You are organising a trip to the Snowy Mountains in New South Wales for a group of students from Perth in Western Australia. Write to the manager of Student Hostel Services. In your letter explain:
- when you want to visit the Snowy Mountains
- how long you will stay
- how many students are in your group and what accommodation you will require
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.