You are organising a trip to the Snowy Mountains in New South Wales for a group of students from Perth in Western Australia. Write to the manager of Student Hostel Services. In your letter explain: - when you want to visit the Snowy Mountains - how long you will stay - how many students are in your group and what accommodation you will require
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to reserve accommodation in your hostel during our trip to the Snowy Mountains in New South Wales. I am planning a trip for a group of students from Perth and expecting your response so that I can finalise our stay at your hostel. We expect to be in the Snowy Mountains between June 1st and depart on 9th June. Our group has five men, seven women and a married couple - 14 in total. The five men can stay at a dormitory and the women are happy to share rooms, but the married couple would like a deluxe room. We hope to keep our expenses as low as possible. Besides, the rooms must have hot water and room heater facilities considering the cold weather. Please also inform me about the recreational services in the area. The group will bring their own boots for bushwalking, but we are hoping to hire equipment for other sports, like skiing. Some of our group members will hire geological picks and other equipment, if possible. We also need to know about access to caves and other interesting geological features in the area. I am looking forward to receiving information about the Student Hostel Services and other facilities, specifically, if the accommodation would be available during the time of our visit and if so, how can I reserve it well in advance. Yours faithfully, Adam Smith
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use parallel dates Original: between June 1st and depart on 9th June Suggested revision: from 1 June to 9 June Why it matters: The original mixes a prepositional date range with a verb phrase.
- 2. Correct preposition Original: at Suggested revision: in Why it matters: Use 'in' when referring to accommodation inside a dormitory.
- 3. Use formal linker Original: Besides Suggested revision: Additionally Why it matters: This linker connects the extra accommodation requirement more formally.
- 4. Use natural term Original: room heater facilities Suggested revision: heating Why it matters: 'Heating' is the standard term for this room requirement.
- 5. Improve word choice Original: services Suggested revision: facilities Why it matters: 'Facilities' is the more natural word for amenities available in an area.
- 6. Use formal example Original: other sports, like skiing Suggested revision: other sports, such as skiing Why it matters: 'Such as' introduces the example in a more suitable formal register.
- 7. Correct indirect query Original: if the accommodation would be available Suggested revision: whether accommodation will be available Why it matters: Use 'whether' and 'will' for this indirect request about future availability.
- 8. Use statement order Original: how can I reserve it Suggested revision: how I can reserve it Why it matters: An indirect question takes statement word order rather than question inversion.
- 9. Use natural preposition Original: in Suggested revision: at Why it matters: 'At' is more natural when referring to a stay at an accommodation provider.
- 10. Clarify total count Original: a married couple - 14 in total Suggested revision: a married couple—14 people in total Why it matters: The dash and explicit noun make the total group size easier to read.
- 11. Soften request tone Original: must Suggested revision: should Why it matters: 'Should have' expresses the requirement more politely to the hostel manager.
- 12. Clarify reason Original: considering the cold weather Suggested revision: because of the cold weather Why it matters: This phrase states the reason for the heating request more directly.
Suggested Rewrites
- between June 1st and depart on 9th June from 1 June to 9 June
- at in
- Besides Additionally
- room heater facilities heating
- services facilities
- other sports, like skiing other sports, such as skiing
Why this response received Band 7.0
The letter communicates the booking request clearly and gives complete, useful information about the dates, group size, and accommodation preferences in an appropriately formal register. The main weakness is that numerous additional enquiries make the response somewhat diffuse, while several grammatical and collocational slips reduce precision. Prioritising the required booking details and proofreading complex sentences would make the letter more concise and controlled.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
All requested points are covered in specific detail, and the purpose and formal tone remain clear throughout.
Keep supplementary questions brief so the accommodation request remains the unmistakable focus.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information follows a broadly logical sequence, though the single dense paragraph and extended list of extra requests weaken overall organisation.
Use separate paragraphs for visit dates, accommodation requirements, and optional facility enquiries.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a broad range of relevant vocabulary for accommodation, recreation, equipment, and local features.
Improve collocational accuracy in phrases such as stay in a dormitory and heating facilities.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is a useful range of sentence forms, but errors in coordination, prepositions, articles, and indirect-question order recur.
Proofread complex sentences for parallel structure, particularly the date range and the final indirect question.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You are organising a trip to the Snowy Mountains in New South Wales for a group of students from Perth in Western Australia. Write to the manager of Student Hostel Services. In your letter explain:
- when you want to visit the Snowy Mountains
- how long you will stay
- how many students are in your group and what accommodation you will require
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.