You are organising a trip to the Snowy Mountains in New South Wales for a group of students from Perth in Western Australia. Write to the manager of Student Hostel Services. In your letter explain: - when you want to visit the Snowy Mountains - how long you will stay - how many students are in your group and what accommodation you will require
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, I have received your contact details from one of my friends who has recently availed of your service. He was very positive regarding your hospitality and recommended your hostel situated in the Snowy Mountains for a study excursion we are planning to take at the beginning of the next month. I am hoping you would arrange suitable accommodation for the group and help us enjoy the tour. I am arranging a four days trip to the Snowy Mountains for 14 students from Perth public school. We will arrive on 3rd April, in the morning; however, we would directly go sightseeing. Thus, we would check in to the hostel in the evening. A group of 15 students and I would require suitable accommodation for four days. We would prefer four rooms and we do not mind sharing the rooms. As we are travelling from Perth, I am confident that the place might freeze us. We would appreciate it if we can get extra blankets along with room heaters considering the extreme cold weather. My friend has mentioned that breakfast is included in the package. However, it would be nice if you could let me know the revised price including the dinner as well. I expect room availability and price details to be shared via mail soon. Looking forward to hearing from you. Yours faithfully, Naaz Loan
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: availed of your service Suggested revision: used your services Why it matters: This is a more natural collocation for describing a previous customer's experience.
- 2. Correct verb form Original: I am hoping you would arrange Suggested revision: I hope you can arrange Why it matters: The revised verb forms make this present request grammatically direct and polite.
- 3. Use compound adjective Original: a four days trip Suggested revision: a four-day trip Why it matters: A number-plus-noun modifier before a noun takes a singular hyphenated form.
- 4. Clarify school reference Original: Perth public school Suggested revision: a public school in Perth Why it matters: This wording clearly identifies the students' place of origin without implying an official school name.
- 5. Use future tense Original: would directly go sightseeing Suggested revision: will go sightseeing immediately Why it matters: Use the future form for the group's stated plan after arrival.
- 6. Use natural expression Original: the place might freeze us Suggested revision: the weather may be freezing Why it matters: The original expression is unnatural and overstates the effect of the cold.
- 7. Make request polite Original: if we can get Suggested revision: if we could have Why it matters: The conditional form is more appropriate in a polite formal request.
- 8. Remove unnecessary article Original: including the dinner Suggested revision: including dinner Why it matters: The meal name does not need an article when referring to the service generally.
- 9. Use concise wording Original: one of my friends Suggested revision: a friend Why it matters: The shorter phrase conveys the same meaning more naturally.
- 10. Improve collocation Original: was very positive regarding your hospitality Suggested revision: spoke very highly of your hospitality Why it matters: This is a more idiomatic way to report the friend's favourable opinion.
- 11. Remove wordiness Original: hostel situated in the Snowy Mountains Suggested revision: hostel in the Snowy Mountains Why it matters: The location remains clear without the unnecessary participle.
- 12. Remove unnecessary article Original: at the beginning of the next month Suggested revision: at the beginning of next month Why it matters: The standard future-time expression is 'next month' without an article.
Suggested Rewrites
- availed of your service used your services
- I am hoping you would arrange I hope you can arrange
- a four days trip a four-day trip
- Perth public school a public school in Perth
- would directly go sightseeing will go sightseeing immediately
- the place might freeze us the weather may be freezing
Why this response received Band 7.0
The letter clearly establishes its purpose, uses an appropriately formal tone, and supplies practical details about dates, rooms, and additional needs. Its main weakness is a confusing inconsistency in the group size, which directly affects a required detail, while several awkward phrases reduce polish. The highest priority is to state one unambiguous total number of travellers and proofread collocations and noun forms more carefully.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The purpose and all three bullet points are addressed with relevant detail, but the conflicting figures of 14, 15, and an additional writer make the group size unclear.
State one consistent total number of students and clarify whether the writer is included in that figure.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses sensibly from the trip plan to accommodation needs and pricing, though presenting the entire body as one paragraph weakens organisation.
Divide the body into focused paragraphs for travel details, accommodation requirements, and the final pricing request.
Lexical Resource
The letter uses a good range of formal and topic-specific vocabulary, although expressions such as the place might freeze us and revised price are imprecise or awkward.
Choose more natural collocations, such as very cold conditions and total price including dinner, while retaining the formal register.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A varied mix of simple and complex structures is generally well controlled, with occasional errors such as a four days trip and inconsistent modal choices.
Proofread noun phrases and conditional request forms, using a four-day trip and could provide for greater accuracy.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You are organising a trip to the Snowy Mountains in New South Wales for a group of students from Perth in Western Australia. Write to the manager of Student Hostel Services. In your letter explain:
- when you want to visit the Snowy Mountains
- how long you will stay
- how many students are in your group and what accommodation you will require
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.