A large company in your area plans either to sponsor a local children's sports team for two years or to pay for two open-air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the public. Write a letter to the company. In your letter: - describe the benefits of sponsoring the sports team - summarise the benefits of paying for the concerts - say how you think the company should spend the money
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, I would like to profoundly thank your organisation for the decision to spend money for the benefit of our community. I deeply appreciate your readiness to sponsor a local junior sports team or alternatively arrange two open-air concerts. Needless to say, financial support to a children's sports team will be notably advantageous for both the team and your business. With your sponsorship, they will surely get advanced training which will develop their potential in sports, and in parallel, promote your brand. Perhaps, a few of them will bring glory in professional competitions in the future to make us proud as a community. On the other hand, arranging two open-air concerts is also a great idea as people will immensely enjoy the performance and some local bands would get the chance to show their talents. It certainly will promote our culture and heritage. I am positive that either of your initiatives will serve our community greatly. However, supporting the local sports team has a more eminent result than escalating the music fans by sponsoring concerts, I believe. Concerts would be temporary entertainments for the local people, but provision for the young sportsmen will be remembered for a long and would give us many occasions to celebrate and be proud of. Once again thank you for a commendable initiative. Yours faithfully, Edward Jenkins
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: profoundly Suggested revision: sincerely Why it matters: “Sincerely thank” is a more natural expression of formal gratitude.
- 2. Correct the preposition Original: to Suggested revision: for Why it matters: Use “support for” when naming the team that receives the funding.
- 3. Choose precise wording Original: advanced Suggested revision: professional Why it matters: “Professional training” more clearly describes expert coaching funded by sponsorship.
- 4. Use a natural link Original: in parallel Suggested revision: at the same time Why it matters: This phrase links the simultaneous benefits more naturally.
- 5. Fix the collocation Original: bring glory in professional competitions Suggested revision: achieve success in professional competitions Why it matters: “Achieve success in” is the natural collocation for competition results.
- 6. Use the plural noun Original: performance Suggested revision: performances Why it matters: The two concerts would involve more than one performance.
- 7. Use uncountable entertainment Original: entertainments Suggested revision: entertainment Why it matters: “Entertainment” is normally uncountable in this general sense.
- 8. Complete the time phrase Original: remembered for a long Suggested revision: remembered for a long time Why it matters: The fixed expression requires “time” after “for a long.”
- 9. Use concise wording Original: spend money for the benefit of Suggested revision: spend money to benefit Why it matters: The infinitive states the purpose more directly and naturally.
- 10. Remove redundant connector Original: or alternatively arrange Suggested revision: or arrange Why it matters: “Alternatively” is unnecessary because “or” already marks the alternative.
- 11. Clarify the subject Original: they will surely get Suggested revision: the players could receive Why it matters: This revision removes an unclear pronoun and avoids presenting the outcome as certain.
- 12. Remove the extra comma Original: Perhaps, a few Suggested revision: Perhaps a few Why it matters: A comma is not needed after the introductory adverb “Perhaps” here.
Suggested Rewrites
- profoundly sincerely
- to for
- advanced professional
- in parallel at the same time
- bring glory in professional competitions achieve success in professional competitions
- performance performances
Why this response received Band 7.5
The letter addresses all three requirements directly, uses an appropriately formal tone, and gives clear reasons for favouring the sports sponsorship. Its main limitation is imprecise wording in several otherwise ambitious phrases, which sometimes makes the comparison sound unnatural. Prioritise accurate collocations and a cleaner comparative sentence when explaining why the sports team offers more lasting value.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
All bullet points are fully addressed with relevant benefits and a clear, supported recommendation.
Make the final comparison even more precise by explicitly linking the two-year sponsorship to sustained community benefits.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas progress logically from appreciation through both options to a clear recommendation, with effective linking.
Use distinct paragraphs for the sports benefits, concert benefits, and recommendation to sharpen the letter's structure.
Lexical Resource
The letter shows a broad vocabulary, but several collocations and word choices are awkward or imprecise.
Replace expressions such as "more eminent result" and "escalating the music fans" with natural, precise alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A varied range of complex structures is used successfully, although a few comparative and sentence-boundary errors remain.
Revise the recommendation sentence to avoid the comma splice and form the comparison accurately.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
A large company in your area plans either to sponsor a local children's sports team for two years or to pay for two open-air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the public. Write a letter to the company. In your letter:
- describe the benefits of sponsoring the sports team
- summarise the benefits of paying for the concerts
- say how you think the company should spend the money
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.