Today, people are surrounded by advertising. This affects what people think is important and has a negative impact on people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
This response is estimated at Band 5.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
Following the internet and the finance developing, we can see advertisements everywherein everywhere,and then it comes a view that is the advertising affectsaffect important things and has a negative impact on social life. In my opinion, although advertising helpshelp our finance and life in some ways, i still think that it bringsbring many negative impactsimpact on people’s lives.
I acknowledgeacknowledged that some advertisements truly bring many advantages to our life, like helping people could get some fashion information and making online financial development, but it also bring more terrible things to the social life. TheseThere are my reasons:
On one hand, financial advertising always mislead consumers with false informationmislead the wrong information to consumers. In general, online shoppingshop is the most popular way of shopping in the era.in many cases, some famous influencers for their target, making many fake advertisements to guide customers buy goods of poor qualitybuy some goods which are poor of quality, such as food that isthe food which are out of date and fake antiquesantique.
What is more, advertising also can cause harm to our societycan be harm to the our social, even can make some crimes. Nowadays, with the developing of online technique, many criminals use AI to commituse AI do some online fraud. For example, many Illegal companies make some fake insurance advertisements which are displayedwhich displayed on certain appssome APP to mislead some old consumers to invest, and then let old people spend all their moneyspeeding all money on it. We can see many things like this on TV everyday.
In conclusion, some good advertising hashave its positive sides, but i am firmly convinced that advertising has more negative impact in our social life without government supervisionif without the government supervised.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The essay effectively presents a clear main stance that advertising brings predominantly negative impacts on society. However, the response is constrained by frequent grammatical errors, inaccurate word choices, and somewhat repetitive argument structure. To improve performance, focus on refining sentence structures and using precise vocabulary to support main points more clearly.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
You take a clear overall stance on the prompt and address both the potential benefits and drawbacks of advertising.
Develop your core arguments in greater depth by expanding on how advertising specifically influences what people value in daily life.
Coherence and Cohesion
The writing has an identifiable basic paragraph layout, but cohesion is occasionally faulty or mechanical.
Use transition words such as 'On the other hand' accurately to balance contrasts and ensure smoother connections between paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
You demonstrate an adequate range of vocabulary for the topic, though word choice errors and unidiomatic phrasing occur frequently.
Work on precise collocations and word forms, ensuring terms like 'society' are used correctly instead of 'social'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentence structures are attempted, but grammatical inaccuracies, capitalization issues, and agreement errors are frequent throughout.
Review fundamental grammatical rules regarding subject-verb agreement, pronoun capitalization, and relative clause structures.