In some countries, marriages are arranged by the parents but in other cases, people choose their own marriage partner. Discuss both systems and state which one do you think is better.
Sample Response
At the present time marriage partners are chosen by people themselves, but in the near past, this decision was made by their parents. In my view, despite those parents don't wish bad to their child, people should choose by themselves who they love. Due to that, they will spend whole their life together. The following essay will discuss both sides of this issue.
Since the dawn of the time, the marriage was an important part of our life. Because of that choice of a partner is a tough decision and people have to consider all details before the marriage. In the near past children almost hadn't rights to choose partner by themselves, in fact, only parents could decide who their child is going to marry. Parents raised a child and all decisions related to their child should be made by them. Parents know their kid better than everyone and when they are giving them in marriage, they are taking into account the character of kid.
But currently this situation has been changed, due to that some parents aren’t concerned about the future of their child and trying to give their child to a family which is rich, it is not always fair towards to children. Without love, there is no future for their kids and as a result, it leads to divorce. Even then, there are no ideal people and everyone could make a mistake, even when they are choosing their future partner by themselves. People always fall in love with each other before the marriage. After that, their relationships would become colder and it also could lead to divorce.
After analysing both sides of this issue, I've concluded that in spite of those parents taking into account all details, sometimes they are forgotten about love. The main thing of marriage is to bind two people which are in love with each other. Thus, people should choose whom they love by themselves.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct the concession Original: despite those parents don't wish bad to Suggested revision: although parents want the best for Why it matters: “Despite” cannot introduce this finite clause, and the revised wording expresses the intended meaning naturally.
- 2. Match the plural subject Original: their child, people Suggested revision: their children, people Why it matters: The plural subject “parents” refers generally to their children rather than one shared child.
- 3. Fix pronoun placement Original: choose by themselves who they love Suggested revision: choose for themselves whom they love Why it matters: “For themselves” correctly expresses independent choice, and “whom” is the object of “love.”
- 4. Clarify the link Original: Due to that Suggested revision: This is important because Why it matters: The replacement makes the causal connection to spending a lifetime together explicit.
- 5. Fix word order Original: whole their life Suggested revision: their whole lives Why it matters: The possessive must precede “whole,” and the plural agrees with “they.”
- 6. Correct the expression Original: dawn of the time Suggested revision: dawn of time Why it matters: The fixed expression is “since the dawn of time” without an article before “time.”
- 7. Remove the article Original: the marriage was Suggested revision: marriage has been Why it matters: The general institution takes no article, and the present perfect fits a situation continuing to the present.
- 8. Use a complete clause Original: Because of that choice of a partner is Suggested revision: Because of that, choosing a partner is Why it matters: A comma and gerund subject are needed to form the intended clause correctly.
- 9. Use the general form Original: before the marriage Suggested revision: before marriage Why it matters: No article is needed when “marriage” refers generally to the institution or event.
- 10. Correct the time phrase Original: in the near past Suggested revision: In the recent past Why it matters: “In the recent past” is the natural expression for a comparatively short time ago.
- 11. Fix negation and number Original: almost hadn't rights Suggested revision: had almost no right Why it matters: The simple past and the singular construction “no right to” are required here.
- 12. Add the article Original: choose partner Suggested revision: choose a partner Why it matters: The singular count noun “partner” requires an article.
Suggested Rewrites
- despite those parents don't wish bad to although parents want the best for
- their child, people their children, people
- choose by themselves who they love choose for themselves whom they love
- Due to that This is important because
- whole their life their whole lives
- dawn of the time dawn of time
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response addresses both marriage systems, keeps a clear preference for personal choice, and organises the discussion into a recognisable essay structure. Its reasoning is sometimes general or contradictory, while frequent grammatical errors and awkward phrasing reduce fluency despite the message remaining understandable. The main priority is to develop each side more carefully using accurate, controlled sentences and specific support.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both systems are discussed and a consistent opinion is given, but the supporting ideas are broad, unevenly developed, and occasionally overgeneralised.
Explain one clear advantage and disadvantage of each system with specific reasoning before directly comparing them to justify the final preference.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and overall progression are clear, although some sentences are loosely connected and cohesive phrases are repetitive or inaccurately used.
Build each paragraph around one controlling idea and connect supporting sentences through logical reference rather than repeated formulaic linkers.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient for the topic and includes some variety, but inaccurate word combinations, repetition, and imprecise expressions occur frequently.
Replace awkward expressions with precise terms for consent, compatibility, family influence, and relationship outcomes, while avoiding absolute claims.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex forms are both attempted, but frequent errors with articles, clauses, verb forms, agreement, and sentence boundaries reduce accuracy.
Practise complete complex sentences with correct subordinators, then proofread each sentence for articles, verb agreement, and pronoun reference.