Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don’t. What is your opinion on that?
Sample Response
As we know sports are very important in day to day life. Youngsters get more attraction towards sports and try to play the same as professional athletes. They copy them in various means like playing style, looking, hair style, speaking, body language etc. Interviews from professional athletes play an important role for all of their fans as they implement their tips and advice in their play strategies, which gives them guidance and path in becoming successful. Likewise, they learn team building, teamwork, individual effort and people management skills in their life. Yet in the response of above, we see some professional athletes involve in advertisement, movie making and promoting brands, which is basically a way to earn more money for them but it gives wrong lessons to their viewers and fans. Young people think, to be good looking, is also a part to become a successful athlete and somehow, they get distraction from their career path. Hence, many good athletes remain unsuccessful in their career path and usually switch to another domain when they face failure. Followers should understand everyone has one or other merit in himself and different style to do any work, also to be true to their work only can make them successful in their life; for Example: Mahendra Dhoni is a famous athlete and famous for his batting style and long hair style, but he is also a dedicated person towards his work which helped him to climb the success ladder. Therefore, I truly believe if something comes to lesson giving to the viewers and fans, successful people like celebrities should not give wrong lessons. They should always boost up their viewers and come up with different ideas which can help them to lead their life in the right path. Distracting youngsters in their career building age can bring serious issues for country's development and put everyone in soup.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Hyphenate compound Original: day to day life Suggested revision: day-to-day life Why it matters: The compound adjective is normally hyphenated before a noun.
- 2. Wrong collocation Original: get more attraction towards sports Suggested revision: become more attracted to sports Why it matters: This is the natural way to express interest.
- 3. Clarify imitation Original: try to play the same as professional athletes Suggested revision: try to play like professional athletes Why it matters: "Play like" is the correct phrase.
- 4. Wrong phrase Original: in various means Suggested revision: in various ways Why it matters: "Ways" is the correct noun here.
- 5. Use natural nouns Original: looking, hair style Suggested revision: appearance, hairstyle Why it matters: "Looking" is not a suitable noun in this list.
- 6. Improve transition Original: Interviews from professional athletes Suggested revision: Interviews with professional athletes Why it matters: "With" is the correct preposition, and this can start a clearer supporting point.
- 7. Unnatural pairing Original: guidance and path Suggested revision: guidance and a path Why it matters: The phrase needs an article, but "a route to success" would be even clearer.
- 8. Verb form Original: involve in advertisement Suggested revision: are involved in advertising Why it matters: Use the passive form and the uncountable noun "advertising."
- 9. More precise phrase Original: wrong lessons Suggested revision: poor examples Why it matters: This sounds more natural in a role-model essay.
- 10. Wrong collocation Original: get distraction Suggested revision: become distracted Why it matters: Use the adjective form after "become."
- 11. Natural expression Original: one or other merit Suggested revision: one merit or another Why it matters: This fixes the idiom.
- 12. Avoid idiom error Original: put everyone in soup Suggested revision: create serious problems for everyone Why it matters: The idiom is inaccurate and too informal for IELTS writing.
Suggested Rewrites
- day to day life day-to-day life
- get more attraction towards sports become more attracted to sports
- try to play the same as professional athletes try to play like professional athletes
- in various means in various ways
- looking, hair style appearance, hairstyle
- Interviews from professional athletes Interviews with professional athletes
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay gives an opinion and includes relevant ideas about imitation, advice, advertising, and dedication. However, the position is not consistently framed around whether athletes are good role models, and some claims are overgeneralised or unclear.
State your opinion in the introduction, then organise one paragraph on positive role modelling and one on negative influence before giving a clear judgement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The answer is written as one long paragraph, so progression is difficult to follow. There are linking words, but ideas often run together without clear paragraph control.
Divide the essay into four paragraphs and use topic sentences to separate positive examples, negative examples, and the final judgement.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient for the topic, but many collocations are inaccurate or informal, which limits precision.
Learn natural phrases such as "are attracted to," "set an example," "career path," and "lead them onto the right path."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent grammar errors with articles, verb forms, prepositions, and sentence boundaries reduce control, though the main message is usually understandable.
Focus on subject-verb agreement and write shorter sentences with one main idea each.