Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don’t. What is your opinion on that?
Sample Response
Each person has one or many role models in his or her life. They prefer to imitate style, method of life and skills from their role models. Professional athletes are also good role models for the people who prefer to watch sports or engage in similar sports activity. People, who have good athletic skills, showcase their talents. They will accept both success and failure in the same manner. This is a very good lesson learnt from professional athletes. People who think athletes as their role model, they will try to imitate that behaviour in their life.
Athletes are playing a major role in influencing in other’s life. The example of attending to practice, time management, continuous practice, self-confidence and many more behaviours are learnt by many youngers. This is influencing in both male and female youngsters.
At the same time, professional athletes are not the only group of people act as good role models. Good artists, good social workers, teachers, medical staff, government servants also act as good role models in youngers’ life. According to the preferences of youngers, role models also differ. Such as Youngers like to watch more films than sports, then, an actor or actress would be a role model for them. If they prefer to involve in social service, previous leaders on social service would be their role models, examples of Mother Theresa. Likewise, role models are not only from the field of athletes but also from vast numbers of other fields.
Anyhow, as per my own opinion, I agree with the statement, ‘
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural quantity Original: one or many role models Suggested revision: one or more role models Why it matters: This is the standard expression.
- 2. Missing possessive Original: imitate style Suggested revision: imitate the style Why it matters: A determiner is needed before style in this phrase.
- 3. Wrong collocation Original: method of life Suggested revision: way of life Why it matters: Way of life is the natural collocation.
- 4. Plural form Original: engage in similar sports activity Suggested revision: engage in similar sports activities Why it matters: The general category should be plural.
- 5. Unneeded commas Original: People, who have good athletic skills, Suggested revision: People who have good athletic skills Why it matters: The relative clause is defining, so commas are not needed.
- 6. Verb pattern Original: think athletes as their role model Suggested revision: think of athletes as their role models Why it matters: Think of X as Y is the correct pattern.
- 7. Tense choice Original: Athletes are playing Suggested revision: Athletes play Why it matters: Use the present simple for a general claim.
- 8. Preposition error Original: influencing in other’s life Suggested revision: influencing others' lives Why it matters: Influence takes a direct object and lives should be plural.
- 9. Wrong noun Original: many youngers Suggested revision: many young people Why it matters: Youngers is not the correct noun for this meaning.
- 10. Sentence control Original: This is influencing in both male and female youngsters. Suggested revision: This influences both male and female youngsters. Why it matters: The verb does not need in, and the present simple is clearer.
- 11. Missing relative pronoun Original: people act as good role models Suggested revision: people who act as good role models Why it matters: The noun group needs who to connect it grammatically.
- 12. Wrong word form Original: youngers’ life Suggested revision: young people's lives Why it matters: Use young people, and lives should be plural.
Suggested Rewrites
- one or many role models one or more role models
- imitate style imitate the style
- method of life way of life
- engage in similar sports activity engage in similar sports activities
- People, who have good athletic skills, People who have good athletic skills
- think athletes as their role model think of athletes as their role models
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay discusses athletes and other role models, but the final position is incomplete, so the opinion required by the task is not fully delivered.
Finish the conclusion with a clear opinion and explain whether athletes are generally good role models, good only in some respects, or not reliable models.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is some paragraphing and progression, but ideas are repetitive and the essay ends abruptly, damaging overall coherence.
Use one paragraph for why athletes can be good models, one for limits, and a complete final sentence that answers the question.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is understandable but repetitive, with frequent incorrect word forms such as youngers and role model usage.
Use natural phrases such as young people, set an example, discipline, perseverance, and public behaviour.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar errors are frequent in sentence structure, articles, prepositions, and agreement, though the main message is usually understandable.
Check each sentence for a subject, a finite verb, and correct plural forms before adding more complex language.