Some people think that mobile phones should be banned in public places like libraries, shop and on public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
This is a true fact to consider that in the present days mobile phone has become a vital part of our life and majority of the people in the world are using it. However, this biggest revolution seems like has been a cause for irritation in some places. Considering this some analysts insist that mobile phones should be banned in the public places. I staunchly agree with the above-recommended proposition due to a variety of notable reasons.
There are significant facts and reasons that affirm that mobile phones should be banned in places like hospital, public bus, train, library, shops, convention centres and many other public places because it has been the reason for the annoyance of other people in many ways. First and foremost distraction could be a significant factor why people get annoyed when other people talk loudly over their mobile phones. For instance, a library mainly focuses on providing a quiet environment for readers; however, when people use mobile phones inside the libraries, the serenity of the environment is lost. The mobile phone should be completely banned in the hospital as it not only disturbs the patients and others but could also tamper the highly sophisticated machines that are used to diagnosis patients. The mobile phone usages in private cars are one of the main reasons for increased road accidents these days. The use of this device in public transportation is also a violation of privacy and people’s right to travel peacefully.
In spite of the views discussed above regarding banning the mobile phone in public places, there are some groups who consider mobile phone should not be banned in the public places. They opine that this is the primary communication device for people and if it is banned, people would suffer greatly and would face many incomprehensible inconveniences. For instance, if someone is travelling in a public vehicle and his office needs to update him for a very urgent issue, banning the use of cell phone would make it impossible. Banning the cell phone in places like shopping mall would make it impossible for people to get directions to a shop, compare products online and make an informed decision about purchasing a product. In summary, due to some benefits offered by the mobile phone usages in public places, it would be hard to ban its usages in public places. However, I think that imposing some restrictions on mobile phone usages in public places would be a better idea.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise wording Original: this biggest revolution Suggested revision: this major technological development Why it matters: The superlative and the noun revolution are too imprecise for the intended reference to mobile phones.
- 2. Fix the verb pattern Original: seems like has been Suggested revision: seems to have been Why it matters: Seem is followed by a to-infinitive in this construction.
- 3. Add introductory comma Original: Considering this some analysts Suggested revision: Considering this, some analysts Why it matters: A comma should separate the introductory phrase from the main clause.
- 4. Remove redundancy Original: significant facts and reasons Suggested revision: significant reasons Why it matters: Facts and reasons overlap here, so one precise noun is sufficient.
- 5. Use consistent plurals Original: places like hospital, public bus, train, library, shops, convention centres Suggested revision: places such as hospitals, public buses, trains, libraries, shops, and convention centres Why it matters: General examples in a list should use consistent plural forms.
- 6. Fix reference and phrasing Original: because it has been the reason for the annoyance of other people in many ways Suggested revision: because their use can annoy other people in many ways Why it matters: The plural subject mobile phones cannot be referred to by singular it, and the revision is more direct.
- 7. Punctuate the transition Original: First and foremost distraction Suggested revision: First and foremost, distraction Why it matters: The transition needs a comma before the following noun phrase.
- 8. Use the right noun Original: factor Suggested revision: reason Why it matters: Reason, rather than factor, naturally takes a why clause.
- 9. Remove the article Original: inside the libraries Suggested revision: inside libraries Why it matters: Libraries are being discussed as a general type of public place.
- 10. Fix the verb pattern Original: tamper the highly sophisticated machines Suggested revision: interfere with the highly sophisticated machines Why it matters: Tamper requires with, while interfere with expresses the intended accidental effect more clearly.
- 11. Use the verb form Original: diagnosis Suggested revision: diagnose Why it matters: After used to, the sentence requires the verb diagnose rather than the noun diagnosis.
- 12. Fix number agreement Original: mobile phone usages in private cars are Suggested revision: use of mobile phones in private cars is Why it matters: Use is uncountable in this meaning and takes the singular verb is.
Suggested Rewrites
- this biggest revolution this major technological development
- seems like has been seems to have been
- Considering this some analysts Considering this, some analysts
- significant facts and reasons significant reasons
- places like hospital, public bus, train, library, shops, convention centres places such as hospitals, public buses, trains, libraries, shops, and convention centres
- because it has been the reason for the annoyance of other people in many ways because their use can annoy other people in many ways
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response develops several relevant arguments on both sides and supports them with concrete examples from libraries, hospitals, transport, and shopping centres. Its main limitation is that the opening strongly supports a ban while the final position favours restrictions, leaving the stated extent of agreement inconsistent. The highest-priority improvement is to establish one qualified position from the introduction and use each paragraph to support that same conclusion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Relevant arguments and examples address the issue substantially, but the position shifts from complete agreement to support for limited restrictions.
State a qualified view at the outset and distinguish clearly between places requiring bans and those needing reasonable restrictions.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are organised into a clear introduction and two contrasting body sections, with generally logical progression despite some overlong development.
Use shorter, more focused paragraphs and replace mechanical transition phrases with direct logical connections.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for the topic, but recurring collocation and word-form problems make several expressions unnatural.
Improve control of common phrases such as mobile phone use, diagnose patients, and shopping malls before using more elaborate wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences conveys the main meaning, although article, agreement, plural, and clause errors occur frequently.
Edit systematically for articles and singular-plural agreement, then simplify sentences whose clause structure is not fully controlled.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that mobile phones should be banned in public places like libraries, shop and on public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.