Some people think that mobile phones should be banned in public places like libraries, shop and on public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Same question Compare 2 different answersSample Response
The mobile phone has become the most popular gadget in today’s world. Some people argue that usage of cell phones should be prohibited in the public places. Personally, I completely agree with this idea due to many reasons.
In my opinion, there are many health and social problems that can occur as a result of using mobile phones in public places. Socially, a mobile phone can be described as an intrusive tool. It can disturb others while they are concentrating and reading in some places like libraries. Mobile phone etiquette is an important issue when mobile ringing at movies or in the libraries. Users often speak with loud volume and annoy the others people nearby. It has become common practice for places like bookshops and libraries to post a sign prohibiting the usage of mobile phone. Also, many public trains offer a 'quiet zones ' where phone use is banned.
Another lethal concern is the health problems that can be caused by using cell phones in the public places. Firstly, I believe that there is a strong correlation between the usage of the mobile phone in the public places, like public transportation and increased numbers of traffic accidents. Mobile have been a major distraction on the road even when using 'hands- free' system (talking without the involvement of the hands).Some studies have shown that talking on a phone while driving is equally impairing as drinking and driving. Secondly, there are possible radiation impacts on the brain from the mobile phones, with increased possibility of certain types of tumours in long - time, to persistent heavy users.
Finally, the signal of mobile phones can cause serious problems in some public places like hospital and public transport by interfering with the signal of medical and communication devices. Even in the public transport if any patient wears implanted heart device, the mobile phone can interfere with it and it could be stopped completely. So mobile phone can have fatal consequences for patients in the hospital and other public places.
In conclusion, for the reasons mentioned above, I believe that the use of cell phones in the public places should be prohibited completely.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: usage of cell phones Suggested revision: the use of cell phones Why it matters: The noun phrase is more natural with “the use of” than “usage of” here.
- 2. Remove unnecessary article Original: prohibited in the public places Suggested revision: prohibited in public places Why it matters: The plural noun refers to public places generally, so it does not take “the.”
- 3. Improve reason phrase Original: due to many reasons Suggested revision: for several reasons Why it matters: “For several reasons” is the more natural expression for introducing multiple reasons.
- 4. Add a finite verb Original: when mobile ringing at movies Suggested revision: when a mobile phone rings during a movie Why it matters: The clause needs a subject and a finite verb, and “during” fits the time reference.
- 5. Use correct collocation Original: speak with loud volume Suggested revision: speak loudly Why it matters: English uses the adverb “loudly” rather than “with loud volume” to modify “speak.”
- 6. Fix determiner form Original: the others people nearby Suggested revision: other people nearby Why it matters: “Other” directly modifies the plural noun, without “the” or the plural form “others.”
- 7. Use concise noun phrase Original: prohibiting the usage of mobile phone Suggested revision: prohibiting mobile phone use Why it matters: The revised noun phrase is both grammatical and more concise.
- 8. Fix number and spacing Original: a 'quiet zones ' Suggested revision: 'quiet zones' Why it matters: The plural noun should not follow “a,” and the closing quotation mark should have no preceding space.
- 9. Choose precise adjective Original: lethal Suggested revision: serious Why it matters: “Serious” accurately describes a concern, whereas “lethal” normally describes something that causes death.
- 10. Remove unnecessary article Original: the health problems that can be caused Suggested revision: health problems that can be caused Why it matters: The plural noun refers to health problems in general and does not require “the.”
- 11. Use singular quantity Original: increased numbers of traffic accidents Suggested revision: an increased number of traffic accidents Why it matters: “An increased number of” is the standard structure for a rise in the count of accidents.
- 12. Add plural noun Original: Mobile have been Suggested revision: Mobile phones have been Why it matters: “Mobile” needs the noun “phones” to form a grammatical plural subject.
Suggested Rewrites
- usage of cell phones the use of cell phones
- prohibited in the public places prohibited in public places
- due to many reasons for several reasons
- when mobile ringing at movies when a mobile phone rings during a movie
- speak with loud volume speak loudly
- the others people nearby other people nearby
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear position and offers several relevant reasons, with particularly effective explanation of disruption in quiet public settings. Its main limitation is that some support is speculative or drifts from the stated public-place context, especially the driving and health claims. Prioritise developing fewer, directly relevant reasons with credible explanation and examples, while improving article use, agreement, and collocation accuracy.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and several relevant reasons are explained, although some health and driving claims are speculative or only loosely connected to the stated public-place ban.
Develop fewer reasons more fully with credible, directly relevant examples that clearly justify a ban in each named setting.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through distinct reasons and uses clear paragraphing, though some linking is mechanical and a few sentences connect awkwardly.
Use referencing and transitions more naturally to show precise relationships between claims, evidence, and consequences.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range for the topic, including terms such as intrusive, etiquette, impairing, and implanted, but inaccurate collocations and word forms recur.
Check noun phrases and collocations carefully, replacing unnatural combinations such as loud volume and lethal concern with precise alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the argument clearly, but recurring article, agreement, plural, and punctuation errors reduce control.
Edit each sentence for article use, subject-verb agreement, noun number, and spacing before adding further grammatical complexity.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that mobile phones should be banned in public places like libraries, shop and on public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.