Without capital punishment our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Before starting the discussion on the essential role of death penalty or life sentence, we have to think about its meaning, purpose and factors behind the crime. In our society, people do crimes for the sake of their needs and sometimes for fun and also for the satisfaction of their emotions. In my opinion, if we focus our attention on the causes which put the person on criminal-route then it will be very useful to take the prophylactic measure to stop the happening of crime.
Death penalty is on the extreme of law enforcements and there are a lot many steps on the way to reflect the fear and respect of law. Criminals who kill others they do this not only for the sake of money but other factors like mental illness, deprived feelings, ignorance and cruel tradition also contributes. If our system of education detects these underlying factors in childhood then we can convert these lethal segments of society into useful stuff.
Few countries have implemented the rule of capital punishment more aggressively and people over there are very frightened and depressed. Sometimes, powerful people take the opportunity to misuse the law against their enemies.
We should invest more resources in education, law enforcement on minor crimes and try to punish little people for minor faults. For heinous crimes death penalty should be there but proceeding should be very fair to avoid human bias.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix collocation Original: do Suggested revision: commit Why it matters: The standard collocation is “commit crimes.”
- 2. Clarify motivation Original: for the sake of their needs Suggested revision: to meet their needs Why it matters: The infinitive phrase expresses the intended motivation naturally and directly.
- 3. Use concise phrasing Original: for the satisfaction of their emotions Suggested revision: to satisfy their emotions Why it matters: The verb form removes an unnecessary abstract noun construction.
- 4. Fix legal expression Original: Death penalty is on the extreme of law enforcements Suggested revision: The death penalty is the most extreme form of law enforcement Why it matters: The revision adds the article, corrects the comparison, and uses “law enforcement” as an uncountable concept.
- 5. Remove double quantifier Original: a lot many steps Suggested revision: many steps Why it matters: “A lot” and “many” cannot both modify the same plural noun.
- 6. Fix collocations Original: reflect the fear and respect of law Suggested revision: instil fear of and respect for the law Why it matters: The natural phrases are “fear of the law” and “respect for the law.”
- 7. Use precise verb Original: detects these underlying factors in childhood Suggested revision: identifies these underlying factors during childhood Why it matters: An education system can identify risk factors, and “during childhood” is the natural time phrase.
- 8. Use humane wording Original: lethal segments of society Suggested revision: potentially dangerous members of society Why it matters: The revision describes people precisely without using a dehumanising abstract category.
- 9. Use formal human reference Original: useful stuff Suggested revision: productive members of society Why it matters: “Stuff” is informal and inappropriate when referring to people.
- 10. Clarify quantity Original: Few countries have implemented Suggested revision: A few countries have implemented Why it matters: “A few” means some countries, whereas “few” implies almost none.
- 11. Fix prepositions Original: law enforcement on minor crimes Suggested revision: enforcement of laws against minor crimes Why it matters: The revised prepositions correctly express applying laws to offences.
- 12. Correct the referent Original: punish little people Suggested revision: punish people Why it matters: “Little people” incorrectly suggests physical size rather than people who commit minor offences.
Suggested Rewrites
- do commit
- for the sake of their needs to meet their needs
- for the satisfaction of their emotions to satisfy their emotions
- Death penalty is on the extreme of law enforcements The death penalty is the most extreme form of law enforcement
- a lot many steps many steps
- reflect the fear and respect of law instil fear of and respect for the law
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response's strongest feature is its attempt at a nuanced position: prevention should come first, while capital punishment may remain for heinous crimes under fair procedures. However, this position is not stated directly enough, key claims receive little support, and the response is slightly under length. Prioritise a clear thesis and develop two focused arguments with specific evidence before ending with an explicit conclusion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response offers a relevant qualified view, but its degree of agreement is initially unclear and the main ideas are insufficiently developed.
State the precise position in the introduction and support the prevention and limited-use arguments with specific explanations or examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing separates the main topics, but progression is uneven and the response ends without a clearly signalled concluding synthesis.
Use one focused argument per body paragraph and add a conclusion that directly restates the qualified position.
Lexical Resource
Some less common vocabulary is attempted, but frequent inaccurate collocations and inappropriate word choices reduce precision.
Replace expressions such as "criminal-route," "lethal segments," "useful stuff," and "little people" with clear, neutral terms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is generally recoverable, but frequent errors in articles, agreement, clause construction, and noun forms weaken control.
Build shorter complete sentences and systematically check articles, subject-verb agreement, plurals, and relative clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Without capital punishment our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.