Without capital punishment (the death penalty) our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
Before talking about the essential role of the death penalty, you have to think about the meaning, and the purpose, of any kind of punishment. If you consider that the purpose is to prevent the guilty from being nasty again, you can be seduced by an argumentation in favour of the suppression of capital punishment. But you have to think about another aspect of the problem: a punishment is also useful to impress people, to make them fear the law. In fact, let's take the example of a young misfit, which has grown in a violent atmosphere, influenced by older delinquents, etc. He lives in the streets; he's got no aim but to survive. This is the kind of person who could possibly kill someone for money, or even for fun. Why would he fear prison? Life would be easier for him there. In addition, in many cases, when you behave normally, you can benefit from penalty reductions. This young misfit needs to be impressed; he needs to know that the law is a frontier. When you cross it, you can lose your life. That is why capital punishment helps keep a distance between robbery and murder. If you abolish it, you suppress the difference between these two types of crime, which are completely different. But there is also a limit to define: even if the death penalty is unavoidable, it would be a crime to apply it to inadequate cases. If there is no premeditation or past facts which can justify such a punishment, it is far too strict to apply the death penalty. That is why the lawmakers have to establish precisely the context in which capital punishment car being pronounced. That is the price to pay to limit violence without using excessive violence.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise wording Original: prevent the guilty from being nasty again Suggested revision: prevent offenders from committing crimes again Why it matters: The replacement expresses reoffending precisely and in an appropriately formal register.
- 2. Use natural collocation Original: be seduced by an argumentation Suggested revision: be persuaded by an argument Why it matters: Persuaded by an argument is the natural collocation for accepting a line of reasoning.
- 3. Choose the legal term Original: suppression Suggested revision: abolition Why it matters: Abolition is the precise term for formally ending capital punishment.
- 4. Clarify deterrence Original: useful to impress people Suggested revision: effective in deterring people Why it matters: Deterring accurately describes making people fear the consequences of breaking the law.
- 5. Use who for people Original: a young misfit, which has grown Suggested revision: a young misfit who has grown Why it matters: Who, rather than which, is the correct relative pronoun for a person.
- 6. Correct the preposition Original: in Suggested revision: on Why it matters: On the streets is the standard expression for having no settled home.
- 7. Specify the subject Original: when you behave normally Suggested revision: when prisoners behave well Why it matters: This wording identifies the relevant people and the behaviour that may earn a reduction.
- 8. Use legal collocation Original: benefit from penalty reductions Suggested revision: receive sentence reductions Why it matters: Sentence reductions is the appropriate term for shortened periods of imprisonment.
- 9. Clarify the metaphor Original: the law is a frontier Suggested revision: the law sets a boundary Why it matters: Sets a boundary conveys the intended limit more clearly and naturally.
- 10. Use natural collocation Original: define Suggested revision: establish Why it matters: Establish a limit is the natural collocation for setting a legal boundary.
- 11. Repair the verb phrase Original: capital punishment car being pronounced Suggested revision: capital punishment can be imposed Why it matters: Can be imposed corrects the apparent typo and uses the standard passive legal expression.
- 12. Use concise wording Original: Before talking about Suggested revision: Before discussing Why it matters: Discussing is more concise and formal than talking about.
Suggested Rewrites
- prevent the guilty from being nasty again prevent offenders from committing crimes again
- be seduced by an argumentation be persuaded by an argument
- suppression abolition
- useful to impress people effective in deterring people
- a young misfit, which has grown a young misfit who has grown
- in on
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response develops a clear, nuanced position that supports capital punishment as a deterrent while restricting it to carefully defined cases, and the hypothetical offender provides sustained support. The main limitation is that some claims, particularly the asserted distinction between robbery and murder, are insufficiently justified and occasionally expressed imprecisely. The highest priority is to strengthen the reasoning with balanced evidence and more natural academic wording.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is developed through a sustained deterrence argument and an appropriate qualification about limiting the penalty's use.
Justify the central deterrence claim more rigorously and address a plausible counterargument to deepen the evaluation.
Coherence and Cohesion
The reasoning progresses coherently from the purpose of punishment through an example to a qualified conclusion, though paragraphing is absent.
Divide the argument into focused paragraphs and make the transition from deterrence to legal safeguards more explicit.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a good range of vocabulary for punishment and crime, but several choices are unnatural or imprecise.
Use more idiomatic academic expressions, replacing phrases such as 'being nasty again,' 'seduced by an argumentation,' and 'past facts.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex sentences are generally well controlled and meaning remains clear, despite several agreement, relative-pronoun, and form errors.
Proofread relative clauses and passive constructions, particularly forms such as 'a misfit who has grown up' and 'can be imposed.'
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Without capital punishment (the death penalty) our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.