People’s lives are becoming increasingly stressful nowadays and there are many reasons behind this. Many people relate this to technological advancement while others say that high living costs and competitions are the main reasons for this stressful life we have. In your opinion what are the reasons behind this? What can be done to solve this problem?
Sample Response
In the twenty-first century, it is admittedly, apparent that the lives of people around the globe are becoming harsher which eventually cause the citizens to become more stressed. It is important to establish the causes and effective ways of solving the problem.
Undoubtedly, following the development of nations, the world has become more competitive in terms of career for adults and study for youngsters. Nowadays, employees are expected to do more work as compared to previous days in order to secure a decent job. They may work overtime most of the working days without being paid extra by the company just to finish off loads of work. In addition, students are also becoming more stressed as they are sent by their parents to attend extra tuition classes so that there are improvements in their academic performance.
Furthermore, people, these days are more status-conscious and materialistic. Every minute they are thinking of ways to earn more money so that they may become affluent one day which allows them to fulfil their own demand. They believe money is the best tool to gain happiness but in fact, they are wrong. These are the reasons why citizens are more stressed than previously.
However, there are tonnes of ways which could prove useful in kerbing this problem. Wise time management is crucial for everyone to have an organised and well-planned timetable. By doing so, people have a specific time of relaxing like spending time with family or friends rather than bury their heads into their works. It is significant to socialise with others or sometimes sharing your problems with family can help people to unwind. Furthermore, exercise plays an indispensable role in mitigating the negative impacts of this problem. During exercise, a chemical is known as endorphin will be released which keep our mind off from stress for a certain period of time.
In conclusion, there are several causes which lead to a hectic life. Nevertheless, there are a handful of ways to cope with this problem. I believe we can live in a harmonious and yet relaxing environment provided that we follow the stated practical ways of de-stress.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove faulty interruption Original: it is admittedly, apparent Suggested revision: it is apparent Why it matters: The adverb and surrounding commas disrupt the sentence and add no clear meaning.
- 2. Fix clause agreement Original: harsher which eventually cause Suggested revision: harsher, which eventually causes Why it matters: The non-defining clause needs a comma and a singular verb referring to the preceding situation.
- 3. Use natural reference Original: the citizens Suggested revision: people Why it matters: The definite phrase is unnecessarily specific when people in general are meant.
- 4. Clarify the relationship Original: following the development of nations Suggested revision: as nations develop Why it matters: This wording states the time and cause relationship more directly.
- 5. Improve parallel phrasing Original: in terms of career for adults and study for youngsters Suggested revision: in careers for adults and education for young people Why it matters: The original pair uses unnatural and nonparallel nouns for the two groups.
- 6. Use natural comparison Original: as compared to previous days Suggested revision: than in the past Why it matters: This is the idiomatic expression for a comparison with earlier times.
- 7. Fix time preposition Original: most of the working days Suggested revision: on most working days Why it matters: Days used as time expressions require the preposition 'on' here.
- 8. Use formal wording Original: finish off loads of work Suggested revision: complete heavy workloads Why it matters: The replacement is more precise and appropriately formal for an academic essay.
- 9. Make purpose concise Original: so that there are improvements in their academic performance Suggested revision: to improve their academic performance Why it matters: An infinitive expresses the intended purpose more directly and naturally.
- 10. Remove misplaced comma Original: people, these days are Suggested revision: people these days are Why it matters: The comma incorrectly separates the subject phrase from its verb.
- 11. Use concise frequency Original: Every minute they are thinking Suggested revision: They constantly think Why it matters: The replacement conveys frequent preoccupation without the implausibly literal time expression.
- 12. Correct the collocation Original: fulfil their own demand Suggested revision: meet their own needs Why it matters: People meet needs, whereas 'fulfil a demand' has a different and less suitable meaning.
Suggested Rewrites
- it is admittedly, apparent it is apparent
- harsher which eventually cause harsher, which eventually causes
- the citizens people
- following the development of nations as nations develop
- in terms of career for adults and study for youngsters in careers for adults and education for young people
- as compared to previous days than in the past
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response addresses both causes and solutions with clear paragraphing and relevant examples, and its discussion of work, study, materialism, time management, and exercise gives the argument useful breadth. Its main weakness is recurring grammatical and collocational inaccuracy, which makes several otherwise ambitious sentences awkward; the highest priority is to simplify complex structures and check agreement, word forms, and natural phrase combinations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both questions clearly and develops several relevant causes and practical remedies with explanation and examples.
Explain more precisely how each proposed remedy tackles the specific pressures identified in the causes.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through causes and solutions, with effective paragraphing and generally clear cohesive links.
Use a less mechanical range of transitions and make the links between individual causes and remedies more explicit.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is broad and sometimes sophisticated, but awkward collocations and occasional word-choice or spelling errors reduce precision.
Prioritise accurate, natural combinations such as time to relax and ways to de-stress over ambitious but uncertain phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A useful range of complex structures is attempted, although recurrent agreement, verb-form, and clause-construction errors remain noticeable.
Proofread complex sentences for one complete main clause, correct subject-verb agreement, and consistent verb forms.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
People’s lives are becoming increasingly stressful nowadays and there are many reasons behind this. Many people relate this to technological advancement while others say that high living costs and competitions are the main reasons for this stressful life we have. In your opinion what are the reasons behind this? What can be done to solve this problem?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.