The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these views?
Sample Response
It is true that there is a growing trend in obesity children in industrialised nations in recent years. While this issue is being pointed at the widespread fast food restaurants, I would argue that parents should take full responsible for growing a healthy child.
To begin with, the expanding of convenient food stores may not be the cause of overweight children. Although some of the foods served in these restaurants may contain high saturated fat items, there are other factors that could also result in gaining weight as well. Firstly, if children consume an excessive amount of unhealthy snacks, sugary soda drinks, or prepackaged foods, they could also become obsessed. Secondly, even if the family did visit the fast food outlets for meals, parents could still substitute unhealthy items with a healthier menu, such as having French fries replaced with vegetables or salad.
In addition, parents certainly play a vital role in providing a healthy diet for their children. With the invention of the Internet, it is possible to obtain information of food ingredients, daily nutrient proportion needed in each food category and healthy recipes within minutes. Therefore, learning about how to prepare nutrient meals have never been easier. I believe supplying healthy snacks for children during school days and preparing a healthy balanced meal in the evening in routine could lead to a healthy body.
However, we must not be forgotten that ensuring children to have an adequate amount of physical exercise is also a critical contributor to their good health. In conclusion, I believe that parents should be the ones who play a crucial role in upbringing their children in a healthy environment.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct expression Original: is being pointed at Suggested revision: is being attributed to Why it matters: The passive expression for assigning a cause is “be attributed to.”
- 2. Use precise noun phrase Original: widespread fast food restaurants Suggested revision: prevalence of fast-food restaurants Why it matters: Restaurants themselves are not “widespread”; their prevalence is widespread.
- 3. Use noun form Original: responsible Suggested revision: responsibility Why it matters: The expression requires the noun “responsibility,” not the adjective “responsible.”
- 4. Correct verb choice Original: for growing a healthy child Suggested revision: for raising healthy children Why it matters: Parents raise children; “grow” is not the appropriate transitive verb here.
- 5. Use noun forms Original: the expanding of convenient food stores Suggested revision: the expansion of convenience-food outlets Why it matters: The phrase requires the noun “expansion,” while “convenience” properly modifies the food outlets.
- 6. Clarify causal meaning Original: the cause of overweight children Suggested revision: the cause of children becoming overweight Why it matters: A cause produces the condition of being overweight, not the children themselves.
- 7. Fix modifier order Original: high saturated fat items Suggested revision: items high in saturated fat Why it matters: The revised structure correctly describes the items’ saturated-fat content.
- 8. Remove redundancy Original: sugary soda drinks Suggested revision: sugary drinks Why it matters: “Soda drinks” is unnecessarily repetitive in this list.
- 9. Correct word choice Original: obsessed Suggested revision: obese Why it matters: “Obese” describes excessive body weight, whereas “obsessed” has a different meaning.
- 10. Use present tense Original: did visit Suggested revision: visit Why it matters: A present-tense conditional is needed for this general situation.
- 11. Correct verb pattern Original: substitute Suggested revision: replace Why it matters: The correct pattern here is “replace X with Y.”
- 12. Use accurate noun Original: a healthier menu Suggested revision: healthier options Why it matters: Parents choose individual options rather than substitute items with an entire menu.
Suggested Rewrites
- is being pointed at is being attributed to
- widespread fast food restaurants prevalence of fast-food restaurants
- responsible responsibility
- for growing a healthy child for raising healthy children
- the expanding of convenient food stores the expansion of convenience-food outlets
- the cause of overweight children the cause of children becoming overweight
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response presents a consistent position that parents bear primary responsibility and supports it with relevant points about diet, food choices, and exercise. Its main limitation is that the fast-food view is only partly evaluated, while several examples repeat the parental-responsibility argument rather than developing a balanced comparison. The priority is to explain more precisely how outlets influence children before showing why parental choices are ultimately more decisive.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response addresses both views and states a clear position, but treatment of the fast-food argument is limited and some support is only partly developed.
Explain the outlet-based cause independently, then compare its influence directly with parental control using one well-developed example for each view.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and signposting create a clear overall progression, though the brief exercise paragraph and some loosely linked details weaken balance.
Integrate the exercise point into the parental-responsibility paragraph and ensure each paragraph develops one complete line of reasoning.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient topic vocabulary and some effective variation, but recurring word-choice and collocation errors reduce precision.
Correct misleading or unnatural choices such as “obesity children,” “become obsessed,” “nutrient meals,” and “in the evening in routine.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex structures, but frequent errors in word forms, agreement, passives, and infinitive patterns are noticeable throughout.
Focus on accurate clause patterns and agreement, rewriting forms such as “take full responsibility,” “meals have never been easier,” and “children have adequate exercise.”
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these views?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.