In some countries children have very strict rules of behaviour, in other countries, they are allowed to do almost anything they want. To what extent should children have to follow rules?
Sample Response
The period of childhood is the most critical stage in the lives of children. Some people think that children must be monitored and under surveillances during their childhood. Others have no such strict rules upon children. However, for many reasons which will be mentioned below, I strongly believe that children must be controlled by their families.
The first reason why children have to be put under notice is that they cannot distinguish between what is right and what is wrong. To illustrate, every family is solely responsible for its children behaviour. In other words, their parents must know how and what kind behaviour their children are heading to. Such knowledge will immensely help the family to maintain their children and provide them with a good conduct. Consequently, such children will be of a noble and great behaviour.
The second reason why children must undergo strict rules of behaviour is that they are the pioneers of future. In other words, children should be taught and instructed with a good pattern of behaviour which appeals to all those around them. Additionally, the family is the first who can implement such way in order to be able to cope with their lives properly. Hence, having obtained and acquired such good behaviour, children are expected to be the future-makers who will excel in their lives.
To recap, it is without denial that children should be subjected to strict rules of behaviour. This will direct them to the right path and will tremendously contribute in shaping their future. So, every family is advised to do the above in order to produce a promising and noble child whose contribution in society will be of great importance.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Uncountable noun Original: under surveillances Suggested revision: under surveillance Why it matters: "Surveillance" is uncountable in this context.
- 2. Natural preposition Original: strict rules upon children Suggested revision: strict rules for children Why it matters: Use "for" when describing rules that apply to children.
- 3. Concise preview Original: for many reasons which will be mentioned below Suggested revision: for several reasons Why it matters: This formulaic phrase is wordy and unnecessary.
- 4. Less severe wording Original: controlled by their families Suggested revision: guided by their families Why it matters: "Controlled" sounds too absolute; "guided" better matches a balanced essay.
- 5. Wrong phrase Original: put under notice Suggested revision: closely supervised Why it matters: "Put under notice" does not express parental supervision naturally.
- 6. Possessive form Original: children behaviour Suggested revision: children’s behaviour Why it matters: Use the possessive form before "behaviour".
- 7. Missing preposition Original: what kind behaviour Suggested revision: what kind of behaviour Why it matters: The phrase requires "of".
- 8. Wrong verb Original: maintain their children Suggested revision: guide their children Why it matters: "Maintain" does not mean raise or guide children in this context.
- 9. Uncountable noun Original: a good conduct Suggested revision: good conduct Why it matters: "Conduct" is uncountable here, so remove the article.
- 10. Natural description Original: noble and great behaviour Suggested revision: responsible and respectful behaviour Why it matters: This is more precise and less inflated.
- 11. Unnatural phrase Original: pioneers of future Suggested revision: the adults of the future Why it matters: The original metaphor is unclear and missing an article.
- 12. Clearer wording Original: a good pattern of behaviour Suggested revision: positive patterns of behaviour Why it matters: This sounds more natural in child-development writing.
Suggested Rewrites
- under surveillances under surveillance
- strict rules upon children strict rules for children
- for many reasons which will be mentioned below for several reasons
- controlled by their families guided by their families
- put under notice closely supervised
- children behaviour children’s behaviour
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay gives a clear opinion that children should follow strict rules and provides two supporting reasons. However, it treats the issue one-sidedly and does not discuss the extent or possible limits of strictness in enough depth.
Answer "to what extent" by defining a balanced position, such as firm rules for safety and respect but more freedom as children mature.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure is easy to follow, with an introduction, two body paragraphs and a conclusion. Cohesion is clear but repetitive, and several paragraphs rely on broad restatement rather than progressive development.
Use topic sentences that introduce distinct ideas, then add examples and consequences instead of repeating that rules create good behaviour.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for the topic but often formal in an unnatural way. Phrases such as "under surveillances", "put under notice" and "pioneers of future" reduce precision.
Use direct child-development vocabulary: "supervised", "boundaries", "guidance", "responsibility", "self-control" and "independence".
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses some complex structures, but errors with articles, prepositions, plurals and clause patterns are frequent. Meaning remains mostly clear, but accuracy limits the score.
Check noun phrases carefully, especially article use and singular/plural forms after general nouns like children, behaviour, families and rules.