In some countries children have very strict rules of behaviour, in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they want. To what extent should children have to follow rules?
Sample Response
Does freedom play a mandatory role in everybody?s life. We can see in today?s modernized era nobody likes to get some restrictions upon them, whether it would be a child or an adult. Some people think that there should have some strict rules of behaviour for children, but I disagree with this statement. Wherever it is a reality that sometimes more restrictions can cause more frustration in children, which leads to many other mental diseases as well. Moreover, they can be, behave like a stubborn. Sometimes they feel themselves under pressure, which can be the main reason for their poor performance in their field. In some cases, children would be crazier to do these things from where we’ll try to keep them away.
In other words _ we have to look for other aspects as well, like if we usually ignore our children?s bad habits, then they can?t be good human beings in their future life. Moreover_ if we never draw attention upon the children?s main activities then they may be acquiring a bad company. They can know regarding the value of respect for their elders. They can know the importance of relationships. They can know regarding their cultural values as well.
In a nutshell, I would like to say that children should be taught regarding the value of their customs, rituals and respect towards their elders for their future life, but most of the extra restriction should be avoided. It would be better to make them good human beings in their coming future.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use existential form Original: have Suggested revision: be Why it matters: The existential construction requires 'be' rather than 'have'.
- 2. Correct contrast linker Original: Wherever Suggested revision: However Why it matters: A contrastive linker is needed to connect this claim to the preceding position.
- 3. Use accurate term Original: many other mental diseases Suggested revision: mental health problems Why it matters: 'Mental diseases' is an unnatural and overly strong expression in this context.
- 4. Repair verb phrase Original: they can be, behave like a stubborn Suggested revision: they may become stubborn Why it matters: The original phrase combines incompatible verb forms and uses 'stubborn' incorrectly as a noun.
- 5. Remove reflexive pronoun Original: feel themselves under pressure Suggested revision: feel under pressure Why it matters: 'Feel under pressure' does not take a reflexive object.
- 6. Clarify vague reference Original: in their field Suggested revision: in what they do Why it matters: 'Their field' is too vague and sounds occupational when referring generally to children.
- 7. Use precise wording Original: would be crazier to do these things Suggested revision: may become more eager to do the things Why it matters: 'Crazier to do' is not an appropriate collocation for increased desire.
- 8. Fix relative structure Original: from where we’ll try to keep them away Suggested revision: that we try to keep them away from Why it matters: The relative construction needs a clear object and correctly placed preposition.
- 9. Signal the contrast Original: In other words _ Suggested revision: On the other hand, Why it matters: The paragraph introduces a contrasting consideration rather than restating the previous idea.
- 10. Use causal connector Original: like Suggested revision: because Why it matters: 'Because if' correctly introduces the reason contained in the conditional clause.
- 11. Use formal contraction Original: can?t be good human beings Suggested revision: cannot become good human beings Why it matters: The full form is more suitable for an academic essay, and 'become' expresses future development more precisely.
- 12. Correct linker punctuation Original: Moreover_ Suggested revision: Moreover, Why it matters: The linking adverb should be followed by a comma, not an underscore.
Suggested Rewrites
- have be
- Wherever However
- many other mental diseases mental health problems
- they can be, behave like a stubborn they may become stubborn
- feel themselves under pressure feel under pressure
- in their field in what they do
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response presents a consistent, qualified view that excessive restrictions should be avoided while children still need moral guidance. Its main limitation is that the supporting ideas are briefly asserted, sometimes unclear, and rarely illustrated, while frequent grammatical and collocational errors weaken precision. The highest priority is to build two clearly separated arguments with specific explanations or examples and express each one in controlled sentence structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A relevant position is maintained, but the reasons are unevenly developed and several claims remain unclear or unsupported.
Develop each side of the qualified position with a clear explanation and a concrete example before drawing the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response uses paragraphs and basic linking, although progression is uneven and several cohesive devices are mechanical or inaccurate.
Give each body paragraph one clear controlling idea and connect supporting sentences through logical cause-and-effect relationships.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss rules and child development, but frequent awkward collocations and word-choice errors reduce precision.
Use simpler natural combinations such as impose restrictions, feel under pressure, and fall into bad company, checking each phrase for accuracy.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of simple and complex structures is attempted, but frequent errors in sentence formation, agreement, articles, and punctuation limit control.
Prioritise complete sentences with accurate subject-verb agreement, then add complex clauses only when their structure is secure.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries children have very strict rules of behaviour, in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they want. To what extent should children have to follow rules?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.