In some countries children have very strict rules of behaviour, in other countries, they are allowed to do almost anything they want. To what extent should children have to follow rules?
Sample Response
People in different countries follow and adopt different rules in dealing with their children’s behaviour. There are no laws for this made by any country’s government but this depends on the culture, values and people’s live styles. The children who are the future of this world should be taught to follow a set of rules so that they are aware what is good and what will be bad for them. The rules that are meant for their good should be followed in true spirit e.g. how to behave with parents, elders, teachers, friends, siblings etc. as these are the manners that will help them to achieve success and they will ultimately transfer this to their children. These practices are passed and transferred from generations to generations so that the society is developed morally & ethically. Ethical and moral values are very important for any society and without these, a society cannot nourish and go forward. Now if children don’t follow the rules the society it cannot run properly. Anxiousness and anxiety will rule and people will be frustrated as their children instead of following rules are disobeying them. This will reflect in lives of people also and their life will be disturbed. I have seen families whose life has been destroyed as their children didn’t listen to them and revolted against their parents /elders. In the most developed nations children in the name of freedom of expression do not listen to their parents and leave them and ultimately the whole family suffers. But the children should have the right to ask about any rule they think is not correct and clarification should be provided to them so that they can accept the rule from their heart. The children should follow in true spirit the rules and regulation made by the society, parents, elders etc. Children don’t have enough awareness to decide about the right and wrong and which rules will help them and which rule if not followed will get them in trouble. The society should explain the children the pro and cons of rules so that children don’t consider the rules as weight on their shoulders and in fact feel proud when they are following the rules.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Word form Original: people’s live styles Suggested revision: people’s lifestyles Why it matters: Lifestyle is one word and needs plural form here.
- 2. Missing preposition Original: aware what is good Suggested revision: aware of what is good Why it matters: Use aware of before a noun clause.
- 3. Formal example Original: e.g. how to behave Suggested revision: such as how to behave Why it matters: Such as is smoother in formal essay writing.
- 4. Sentence boundary Original: siblings etc. as these Suggested revision: siblings, etc., because these Why it matters: The punctuation and connector need correction.
- 5. Plural expression Original: from generations to generations Suggested revision: from generation to generation Why it matters: This is the fixed expression.
- 6. Formal wording Original: society is developed morally & ethically Suggested revision: society develops morally and ethically Why it matters: Avoid ampersands and use an active verb.
- 7. Word choice Original: cannot nourish Suggested revision: cannot flourish Why it matters: Flourish means develop successfully; nourish means feed.
- 8. Unclear link Original: the rules the society it cannot run Suggested revision: society cannot function properly Why it matters: The original phrase is ungrammatical and unclear.
- 9. Word choice Original: Anxiousness Suggested revision: Anxiety Why it matters: Anxiety is the standard noun.
- 10. Missing article Original: reflect in lives of people Suggested revision: be reflected in people’s lives Why it matters: Use the passive phrase be reflected in.
- 11. Number agreement Original: whose life has been destroyed Suggested revision: whose lives have been damaged Why it matters: Families is plural, so lives have is needed.
- 12. Spacing Original: parents /elders Suggested revision: parents or elders Why it matters: Use words instead of a spaced slash in formal writing.
Suggested Rewrites
- people’s live styles people’s lifestyles
- aware what is good aware of what is good
- e.g. how to behave such as how to behave
- siblings etc. as these siblings, etc., because these
- from generations to generations from generation to generation
- society is developed morally & ethically society develops morally and ethically
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay gives a clear view that children should follow rules, with some allowance for questioning them. However, it does not fully explore the extent or balance between strictness and freedom.
Define which rules children must follow and where they should have freedom, then explain why.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is one long paragraph, which weakens organization. Ideas are related but repetitive and sometimes run together.
Divide the essay into separate paragraphs for introduction, reasons for rules, limits on strictness, and conclusion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate but repetitive, with errors in word form and collocation.
Use more precise words such as boundaries, discipline, independence, values, and consequences.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Many sentences are understandable, but there are frequent article, plural, preposition, and sentence-boundary errors.
Shorten long sentences and check noun forms such as lifestyle, pros and cons, and rules and regulations.