Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
In today's modern world, most of the people around the globe lead a competitive lifestyle as they need to secure a decent job with a high payment. Therefore, there are a handful of people who assert that there should be competition among the children so that they will reach their goals in the future. However, some people are of the opinion that children should be taught to co-operate as they have higher tendency to become a useful citizen once they know about cooperation. Hence, it is important for us to examine both sides of the views before reaching a reasonable conclusion. Admittedly, if there is a sense of competition among the children, they are stimulated to work harder when acquiring knowledge in school. It is, possibly, due to the reason that they want to score better in examination than their classmates. With the existence of competition among children, they are highly likely to perform well in school as they will always compare their academic progressions with others. To illustrate, during a quiz or a test, the children will probably try harder to solve the questions as they love the feeling of being praised by their teachers and friends. Thus, with the existence of competition among children, they will have more momentum in studying and achieving success. On the other hand, it is believed that children who know how to co-operate with others will attain success and contribute more to the society. In school, if the teachers teach them about the moral value of cooperation, it will further encourage them to have good teamwork between children learn how to respect others' opinions. It, indirectly, helps them to develop the crucial interpersonal skills which play an indispensable role in their studies and prospective jobs. Hence, any misunderstanding can be avoided among the child which is the key to achieving their aspirations both in their studies and their works. In conclusion, I believe that both the competition and cooperation should exist among the children as each of them helps the young children to become a more knowledgeable and useful individual who can contribute endlessly to the society. As a consequence, our nation will surely continue to prosper and flourish in the decades to come.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundant time wording Original: today's Suggested revision: the Why it matters: Today's and modern express the same time reference, so one is sufficient.
- 2. Use the general form Original: most of the people Suggested revision: most people Why it matters: The article is unnecessary when referring to people generally.
- 3. Use natural collocation Original: with a high payment Suggested revision: with high pay Why it matters: High pay is the natural expression for a well-paid job.
- 4. Avoid unintended smallness Original: a handful of people Suggested revision: some people Why it matters: A handful implies a very small group, whereas the essay is presenting a general viewpoint.
- 5. Use a direct structure Original: there should be competition among the children Suggested revision: children should compete Why it matters: The direct subject-verb structure is clearer and less wordy.
- 6. Use can for possibility Original: will Suggested revision: can Why it matters: Can expresses the intended potential outcome rather than a guaranteed future result.
- 7. Add the article Original: have higher tendency Suggested revision: have a greater tendency Why it matters: The singular countable noun tendency requires an article, and greater is the natural comparative.
- 8. Match the plural subject Original: a useful citizen Suggested revision: useful citizens Why it matters: The plural subject children requires a plural complement.
- 9. Use concise wording Original: both sides of the views Suggested revision: both views Why it matters: Both views already identifies the two positions without the awkward sides of construction.
- 10. Remove wordiness Original: It is, possibly, due to the reason that Suggested revision: This may be because Why it matters: The revision states the causal link directly and removes unnecessary commas.
- 11. Use the plural noun Original: examination Suggested revision: examinations Why it matters: Examinations is the natural general reference to school tests.
- 12. Use uncountable progress Original: progressions Suggested revision: progress Why it matters: Progress is uncountable when referring to educational development.
Suggested Rewrites
- today's the
- most of the people most people
- with a high payment with high pay
- a handful of people some people
- there should be competition among the children children should compete
- will can
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response discusses both perspectives and supports the competition argument with a clear school-based example before giving a definite combined opinion. Its main weakness is that the cooperation discussion is less fully explained, while the absence of paragraph breaks and recurring awkward constructions reduce fluency. Prioritize organizing the essay into distinct paragraphs and developing how cooperation specifically makes adults more useful.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed and a clear opinion is given, with effective development of competition but a less complete explanation of cooperation and adult usefulness.
Explain the causal link between cooperative skills learned in childhood and concrete contributions made by useful adults.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a recognizable sequence and uses clear signposting, but the response is presented as one long paragraph and linking is sometimes mechanical.
Separate the introduction, each view, and the conclusion into purposeful paragraphs while relying less on formulaic transition words.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary shows some range, including language about motivation and interpersonal skills, but several collocations and word choices are unnatural.
Use more natural combinations such as well-paid job, academic progress, and contribute to society, and avoid unnecessary repetition of children.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex structures, but recurring article, agreement, plural, and sentence-construction errors reduce accuracy.
Review clause boundaries and agreement in longer sentences, especially constructions such as teamwork between children learn and misunderstanding among the child.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.