Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Some people suggest making unpaid community service mandatory in high school programmes. But there are valid reasons to oppose this idea. This essay will argue against the notion that unpaid community service should be a mandatory part of high school programmes because when it is made mandatory, it deters learners from concentrating on their education and does not make them genuinely passionate about such work.
One compelling reason to oppose mandatory community service in high school is the need to prioritize academic curriculum and ensure that students have sufficient time to excel in their studies. High school is a critical period for academic preparation, and students must focus on acquiring essential knowledge and skills that will prepare them for higher education or future careers. It is evident from numerous studies that when learners have the opportunity to do community work, they focus less on developing skills and a deeper understanding of academic subjects.
Another crucial consideration is the importance of voluntary and meaningful engagement in community service. Forcing students to participate in unpaid community service may lead to resentment and superficial contributions. True community service should arise from genuine interest and passion for a cause, which is more likely to occur when students have the freedom to choose projects aligned with their interests and values. For instance, a recent study proves that voluntary involvement allows students to explore their passions and develop a deeper understanding of community issues, while compulsory involvement makes them apathetic to such work.
In conclusion, while community service is undoubtedly a valuable and enriching experience, making it mandatory in high school programmes is not the most effective approach. Instead, schools should focus on providing voluntary and meaningful opportunities for students to engage with their communities.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove repeated causation Original: because when it is made mandatory Suggested revision: because making it mandatory Why it matters: The revision avoids using because and when together for the same causal relationship.
- 2. Use concise wording Original: deters learners from concentrating Suggested revision: distracts students Why it matters: Distracts students expresses the interference with academic focus more directly.
- 3. Use natural collocation Original: does not make them genuinely passionate Suggested revision: does not foster genuine interest Why it matters: Foster genuine interest is more natural than make someone passionate.
- 4. Add definite article Original: prioritize academic curriculum Suggested revision: prioritize the academic curriculum Why it matters: The specific school curriculum requires the definite article.
- 5. Use direct wording Original: sufficient Suggested revision: enough Why it matters: Enough time states the requirement more directly without changing the meaning.
- 6. Use qualified modal Original: compulsory involvement makes them Suggested revision: compulsory involvement may make them Why it matters: May is consistent with the essay's claim about a possible rather than inevitable effect.
- 7. Correct the preposition Original: to Suggested revision: towards Why it matters: Apathetic towards is the natural prepositional pattern for an activity.
- 8. Use formal transition Original: But there are Suggested revision: However, there are Why it matters: However provides a smoother formal contrast with the preceding sentence.
- 9. Use concise framing Original: This essay will argue against the notion Suggested revision: This essay argues against the view Why it matters: The present simple and shorter noun phrase make the thesis more direct.
- 10. Use gerund after reason Original: One compelling reason to oppose Suggested revision: One compelling reason for opposing Why it matters: Reason for followed by a gerund is the natural construction here.
- 11. Use concise wording Original: crucial Suggested revision: key Why it matters: Key conveys importance more concisely than crucial in this phrase.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: It is evident from numerous studies that when learners have the opportunity to do community work, they focus less on developing skills and a deeper understanding of academic subjects. Suggested revision: Research indicates that when students undertake community work, they may devote less attention to developing academic skills and deepening their understanding of school subjects. Why it matters: The rewrite corrects the non-parallel objects of focus and states the research claim more cautiously.
Suggested Rewrites
- because when it is made mandatory because making it mandatory
- deters learners from concentrating distracts students
- does not make them genuinely passionate does not foster genuine interest
- prioritize academic curriculum prioritize the academic curriculum
- sufficient enough
- compulsory involvement makes them compulsory involvement may make them
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response presents a consistently clear position and develops two relevant reasons with strong control of organisation and language. Its main limitation is that the supporting evidence remains generic, and the first body paragraph sometimes blurs voluntary participation with compulsory service; the highest-priority improvement is to explain the specific causal effects of mandatory programmes through a precise, credible example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout, and both reasons are relevant and sufficiently developed, although some support is broad or asserted.
Develop one concrete example that directly shows how compulsory service affects study time or students' motivation.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a consistent conclusion.
Clarify the causal link in the first body paragraph so voluntary opportunities are not conflated with mandatory participation.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise, with effective terms such as 'superficial contributions' and 'meaningful engagement'.
Replace broad or repetitive wording with more exact language about workload, curriculum demands, and intrinsic motivation.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence structures is used accurately, with only minor awkwardness that does not impede communication.
Refine occasional wordy clauses and repeated phrasing to make complex sentences more economical.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.