By punishing murderers with the death penalty, society is also guilty of committing murder. Therefore, life in prison is a better punishment for murderers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
Punishment is the weapon which society uses to limit and reduce murders’ actions. Punishment type and toughness are different according to the types of crime or action. The most serious crime, which is killing a person with previous planning, leads the murderer to the death penalty after making sure that he/she is the killer through clear proofs. This essay tackles and discusses two contrasting opinions. The first party believes that death penalty is essential and fair enough for killers. Whereas others see that it is fighting badness by badness and that does not generate good and balanced society. The first group of people who are pro penalty death have their own logical reasons for their opinion. They say that nothing is equal to life but life itself. So any other form of punishment will not be sufficient or fair. A human body is a unique private property and if somebody causes damage to it or destroys it, he/she must have the same damage. In addition to that making penalty extremely harsh is considered as an effective alarm or red light to whoever may think about committing crimes. Therefore the main aim of penalty will be achieved by reducing crime rates especially killing crimes which have bad results without sufficient compensate. On the other hand, there are many people who believe that death penalty is not the best punishment they say that death of criminal or murder will not make the victim return to life. So it is not perfect compensate for victim’s relatives. Although it seems that by killing murder the balance of society will be return, some experts believe that it will raise violence in the society. As a result, they recommend that life in prison sentence is better. That penalty makes killer think always about his crime. It is also lifelong mental punishment when he/she finds other prisons finish their sentences while he/she stash for the rest of his/her life. Finally, I agree with the first party because of the same reason which I have mentioned previously. Also, that opinion fits my religious belief as Muslim.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use neutral metaphor Original: weapon which society uses Suggested revision: tool that society uses Why it matters: Tool is a more precise and neutral metaphor for the function of punishment.
- 2. Clarify criminal behaviour Original: limit and reduce murders’ actions Suggested revision: deter and reduce murderous acts Why it matters: Murders are acts rather than people whose actions can be limited.
- 3. Use formal terminology Original: Punishment type and toughness Suggested revision: The type and severity of punishment Why it matters: Severity is the appropriate formal noun for the harshness of punishment.
- 4. Use precise legal term Original: with previous planning Suggested revision: with premeditation Why it matters: Premeditation concisely expresses that the killing was planned beforehand.
- 5. Correct verb pattern Original: leads the murderer to the death penalty Suggested revision: can lead the murderer to receive the death penalty Why it matters: Lead someone to a penalty is not a grammatical expression of this consequence.
- 6. Use uncountable evidence Original: proofs Suggested revision: evidence Why it matters: Evidence is the natural uncountable noun in this context.
- 7. Remove redundant verb Original: tackles and discusses Suggested revision: discusses Why it matters: The two verbs duplicate the same function here.
- 8. Use natural expression Original: pro penalty death Suggested revision: in favour of the death penalty Why it matters: This is the standard expression for supporting capital punishment.
- 9. Use natural collocation Original: have the same damage Suggested revision: suffer the same harm Why it matters: People suffer harm; they do not have damage in this sense.
- 10. Add required article Original: making penalty extremely harsh Suggested revision: making a penalty extremely harsh Why it matters: Penalty is a singular countable noun and needs an article.
- 11. Use precise concept Original: effective alarm or red light Suggested revision: effective deterrent Why it matters: Deterrent precisely names a punishment intended to discourage crime.
- 12. Use correct crime noun Original: killing crimes Suggested revision: murders Why it matters: Murders is the natural noun for crimes involving intentional killing.
Suggested Rewrites
- weapon which society uses tool that society uses
- limit and reduce murders’ actions deter and reduce murderous acts
- Punishment type and toughness The type and severity of punishment
- with previous planning with premeditation
- leads the murderer to the death penalty can lead the murderer to receive the death penalty
- proofs evidence
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response considers arguments for both punishments and ultimately states a clear preference for the death penalty, with several relevant reasons on each side. Its effectiveness is reduced by the single-block presentation, delayed position, and frequent inaccurate word choices and sentence structures. The highest priority is to organise the essay into purposeful paragraphs, announce the position early, and develop the chosen view with precise, grammatically controlled reasoning.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the central choice, presents relevant arguments for both punishments, and reaches a clear conclusion, although the position appears late and some support is insufficiently developed.
State the position in the introduction and develop the strongest supporting reason with a concrete, logically explained example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a generally understandable sequence and uses basic signposting, but presenting the entire essay as one paragraph seriously weakens organisation.
Separate the introduction, opposing arguments, supporting arguments, and conclusion into distinct paragraphs with clear internal progression.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss punishment and deterrence, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word-form choices reduce clarity and naturalness.
Use standard legal collocations such as death penalty, life sentence, convicted murderer, and compensation, and verify unfamiliar words before using them.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some complex structures are attempted successfully, but fragments, run-on sentences, missing articles, and faulty verb forms occur frequently.
Write shorter complete sentences first, then add subordinate clauses while checking punctuation, articles, and verb forms.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
By punishing murderers with the death penalty, society is also guilty of committing murder. Therefore, life in prison is a better punishment for murderers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.