By punishing murderers with the death penalty, society is also guilty of committing murder. Therefore, life in prison is a better punishment for murderers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
In the recent years, there has been a vast increase in the number of people committing manslaughter. It is a widespread belief that people who commit murders should only be punished by death penalty. However, some people are of the opinion that death penalty should be eradicated and life in prison should assume its place. Apropos of the statement, I am in part accordance with it. It is inarguable that when someone commits an act of manslaughter, the said person must be punished at all costs. However, I believe the death penalty is not a permanent solution because by condemning murderers to death, society is also taking part in murders. Despite the well-known saying that goes "an eye for an eye", punishing someone for a murder with another murder charge is no justifiable by any means. On the flip side, I also believe that prison does not serve as an appropriate solution as it is too lenient a punishment for murderers. Furthermore, when murderers are put in the same cells, studies show that it gives rise to more crimes, as they are likely to plot another murder together. Also taking into account that in this developing country, society is most certainly not going to employ people with the background of having been locked in a prison, people who commit murders will most likely commit other crimes owing to the unpalatable fact that they need money to survive in this world. As such, I believe a more appropriate solution will be for the government to utilise prison as a means of learning and honing skills which could be useful for life after prison. It goes without saying that murderers should without a doubt take responsibility for their crimes, and I believe that can be done by giving them some sort of voluntary works as a lifetime punishment. To sum up, punishing murders with the death penalty is unjustifiable and life in prison might not serve as a permanent solution. Instead, the government should make prison a place to repent and a means of learning new skills for murderers that could be useful for life after prison.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove the article Original: In the recent years Suggested revision: In recent years Why it matters: The fixed time expression “in recent years” does not take “the.”
- 2. Use natural collocation Original: vast Suggested revision: sharp Why it matters: A numerical or social trend is more naturally described as a “sharp increase.”
- 3. Use the relevant offence Original: manslaughter Suggested revision: murder Why it matters: “Murder” matches the offence discussed in the task, whereas manslaughter is a distinct legal concept.
- 4. Fix article and preposition Original: punished by death penalty Suggested revision: punished with the death penalty Why it matters: A punishment is imposed “with” the death penalty, which requires the definite article.
- 5. Choose the correct verb Original: death penalty should be eradicated Suggested revision: the death penalty should be abolished Why it matters: A legal punishment is “abolished,” not “eradicated.”
- 6. Use natural wording Original: life in prison should assume its place Suggested revision: life imprisonment should replace it Why it matters: The revision expresses substitution directly and uses the standard punishment term.
- 7. Use clear phrasing Original: Apropos of the statement Suggested revision: Regarding the statement Why it matters: “Regarding” introduces the writer’s response more clearly and naturally.
- 8. Avoid legalistic wording Original: the said person Suggested revision: that person Why it matters: “That person” is clearer and less unnecessarily legalistic in an academic essay.
- 9. Avoid overstatement Original: at all costs Suggested revision: appropriately Why it matters: “Appropriately” conveys the need for punishment without implying that any cost or method is acceptable.
- 10. Use natural collocation Original: taking part in murders Suggested revision: participating in killing Why it matters: “Participating in killing” expresses the intended claim more naturally.
- 11. Remove redundancy Original: saying that goes Suggested revision: saying Why it matters: The verb “goes” is unnecessary because the quotation already supplies the wording of the saying.
- 12. Clarify the action Original: with another murder charge Suggested revision: by another act of killing Why it matters: A “charge” is an accusation, not the act that the writer is comparing with murder.
Suggested Rewrites
- In the recent years In recent years
- vast sharp
- manslaughter murder
- punished by death penalty punished with the death penalty
- death penalty should be eradicated the death penalty should be abolished
- life in prison should assume its place life imprisonment should replace it
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay’s strongest feature is its nuanced evaluation: it rejects execution but also argues that imprisonment should incorporate rehabilitation and continuing responsibility rather than mere confinement. Its main limitation is that several claims about prisoners plotting crimes and reoffending through unemployment are speculative, and the single-paragraph presentation obscures the reasoning. Prioritise organising the argument into focused paragraphs and explaining more convincingly how rehabilitation answers the punishment question.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both punishments, maintains a qualified position, and proposes a relevant alternative model, though some supporting claims are insufficiently substantiated.
Explain why rehabilitative life imprisonment is both proportionate to murder and preferable to execution, using one credible causal argument rather than several speculative assertions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument moves recognisably from opposition to execution through criticism of prison to rehabilitation, but one long paragraph and repeated contrast markers weaken organisation.
Separate the introduction, case against execution, evaluation of imprisonment, rehabilitation proposal, and conclusion into purposeful paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary range is broad and sometimes effective, but several ambitious expressions and collocations are inaccurate or unnatural.
Replace phrases such as “in part accordance,” “another murder charge,” and “voluntary works” with “partly agree,” “another act of killing,” and “community service.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex structures conveys the argument, although recurring errors in articles, word forms, agreement, and sentence boundaries remain noticeable.
Review article use with “the death penalty” and “prison,” and divide the long sentence beginning “Also taking into account” into controlled clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
By punishing murderers with the death penalty, society is also guilty of committing murder. Therefore, life in prison is a better punishment for murderers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.