It is observed in many countries that less and less people nowadays go to the cinema to watch movies. What could be the possible cause and solution of this?
Sample Response
In today's modern era, cinema is playing a significant role. It is an important way to spread messages to the public and it also acts as a source of entertainment nowadays. However, in the recent years, people moving away from it. Due to fewer numbers of people prefer to watch movies or play in the cinema. In this essay, I shall discuss some possible causes and also would like to give my suggestion to increase the attendance in cinemas.
First of all, the Internet provides all the new released movies and plays. Although it is recorded from cinema or anywhere else, people like to watch it because it is free of cost. Because it is easy to find video over the Internet, public do not go to the cinema to watch movies. They know that after some time of release, the movie will be available on the Internet. In reality, there are many websites available where you can find many new released movies. Further, piracy is not limited only for the Internet. Many people, who do this piracy, burn CDs and sell it in the market. However, this is illegal but still it is being done in front of us. Furthermore, with advancement in technology, the time lag between the releases of movies is very less. At the same time, hundreds of movies are releasing. This trend kills the interest of people about cinema. Lastly, hundreds of channel over cable network playing movies on television. People know that after some time, movies will be played on television. So they keep patience and do not go to the cinema. Besides the quality of local cinema are also questionable.
To tackle this problem of declining cinema viewers, we need to face the piracy problem first. Piracy is the most affecting cause of cinema attendances’ declining in the modern world. Laws which work on piracy should be amended accordingly and strong punishment should be given to those who are found guilty of it. If anyone pirates this copyrighted property should be arrested and then this will generate a fear in others who pirates movies. Secondly, the websites which offer free download should be wiped out from the internet as they violets the piracy laws. If the public does not find any free download sites then they will shift to the cinema. Thirdly, the film production companies should not sell their newly released movies to the television channel owners. This step will definitely affect the watcher and they will move to the cinema. Piracy is an illegal act and the law enforcers should be active to prevent it. People should be encouraged not to support piracy. If a common man understands that the people are making a black money by selling a pirated CDs then definitely they will not support piracy. Thus cinema will, of course, gain some momentum with watchers. Lastly, local filmmakers should produce more authentic and entertaining movies that would make competition with the foreign movies.
To sum up, I would conclude by saying that the cinema will re-achieve its pace if necessary steps are taken and that should be done as soon as possible. However, the first step should be to tackle the piracy.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove unnecessary article Original: in the recent years Suggested revision: in recent years Why it matters: The fixed time expression does not take 'the'.
- 2. Add finite verb Original: people moving away Suggested revision: people are moving away Why it matters: The clause needs an auxiliary to form the present continuous.
- 3. Use adverb form Original: new Suggested revision: newly Why it matters: The adverb 'newly' should modify the participle 'released'.
- 4. Correct prepositions Original: recorded from cinema or anywhere else Suggested revision: recorded in a cinema or elsewhere Why it matters: These prepositions correctly identify where the recording occurs.
- 5. Fix number and preposition Original: find video over the Internet Suggested revision: find videos on the Internet Why it matters: The count noun needs a plural form here, and 'on' is the standard preposition.
- 6. Add definite article Original: public do not go Suggested revision: the public do not go Why it matters: 'Public' requires the definite article when referring collectively to people.
- 7. Use natural time phrase Original: after some time of release Suggested revision: some time after release Why it matters: This word order expresses the delay after a film's release naturally.
- 8. Use adverb form Original: new Suggested revision: newly Why it matters: 'Newly' is the correct modifier for the participle 'released'.
- 9. Correct preposition Original: for Suggested revision: to Why it matters: The adjective 'limited' takes 'to' in this construction.
- 10. Use natural collocation Original: do this piracy Suggested revision: engage in piracy Why it matters: 'Engage in piracy' is the appropriate verb-noun combination.
- 11. Fix contrast structure Original: However, this is illegal but still it Suggested revision: Although this is illegal, it Why it matters: Using both 'however' and 'but' creates an ungrammatical double contrast.
- 12. Use idiomatic plural Original: advancement Suggested revision: advances Why it matters: The plural expression is more natural for multiple technological developments.
Suggested Rewrites
- in the recent years in recent years
- people moving away people are moving away
- new newly
- recorded from cinema or anywhere else recorded in a cinema or elsewhere
- find video over the Internet find videos on the Internet
- public do not go the public do not go
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response’s strongest feature is its substantial coverage of both causes and solutions, with piracy, television availability, enforcement and film quality all discussed. Its impact is reduced by repetition, especially around piracy, and by frequent awkward collocations and grammatical errors that make several sentences cumbersome. The highest priority is to organise fewer, better-developed ideas into tighter paragraphs while proofreading sentence structure, agreement and word choice.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both causes and solutions and develops several relevant ideas, although some claims are overgeneralised or loosely supported.
Prioritise two or three major causes and link each one to a clearly justified, practical solution.
Coherence and Cohesion
The cause-and-solution structure is easy to follow, but long paragraphs, repetition and mechanical linking weaken the flow.
Use focused paragraphs with clear topic sentences and remove repeated points about piracy.
Lexical Resource
There is an adequate range of topic vocabulary, but inaccurate collocations and word forms occur frequently.
Choose more natural combinations such as newly released films and declining attendance, and check spelling carefully.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures is attempted, but fragments, agreement errors and faulty clauses are common.
Proofread each sentence for a complete subject and verb, then correct article, plural and agreement patterns.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
It is observed in many countries that less and less people nowadays go to the cinema to watch movies. What could be the possible cause and solution of this?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.