Some people believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. Others, however, believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Some people believe that young children should go to school as soon as possible, while others argue that children should be allowed to stay home and play until they are six or seven years old. In my opinion, children should start attending school as soon as possible. In this essay, I will discuss both perspectives and explain why I think it is important for children to go to school at an early age.
People who advocate for young children to stay home till they are six or seven base their argument on the basis that it would help them create a positive bond with their parents and learn important social skills in a safe environment. Schools are often a place for competition and formal education often puts pressure on young minds. This can backfire and create apathy towards school and education in young minds.
On the contrary, those who support the idea of sending young children to school believe that this can help them in their cognitive development. According to a study by the National Institute for Early Education Research, children who attend preschool show greater brain development in areas such as language, literacy, and math. This early exposure to learning can have a lasting impact on a child's academic success. Another reason why children should attend school as soon as possible is that it can help them develop social skills. A school is a place where children can interact with peers and teachers, and learn how to cooperate, communicate and work in groups. These skills are essential for success in later life, and early exposure to these social settings can help children build a solid foundation for their future.
In my opinion, sending young children to school as early as possible has numerous benefits. It helps them to learn important skills faster and stay ahead in academic and professional life.
To conclude, since sending young children to school has some profound benefits like helping them learn important skills for their future academic and professional performance, it is expected that parents would consider sending their children to school at a young age.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix number agreement Original: Schools are often a place Suggested revision: Schools are often places Why it matters: The plural subject “Schools” requires the plural complement “places.”
- 2. Avoid repeated phrasing Original: education in young minds Suggested revision: education among children Why it matters: The revision avoids repeating “young minds” in consecutive sentences and sounds more natural.
- 3. Use accurate transition Original: On the contrary Suggested revision: In contrast Why it matters: “In contrast” appropriately introduces the opposing view without implying that the previous statement is false.
- 4. Use concise collocation Original: help them in their cognitive development Suggested revision: support their cognitive development Why it matters: “Support development” is a more direct and natural academic collocation.
- 5. Improve general phrasing Original: A school is a place Suggested revision: School provides an environment Why it matters: The revision expresses the general function of school more concisely.
- 6. Remove unnecessary comma Original: teachers, and learn Suggested revision: teachers and learn Why it matters: No comma is needed before “and” because the same subject performs both coordinated actions.
- 7. Use precise wording Original: learn important skills faster Suggested revision: acquire important skills earlier Why it matters: “Earlier” accurately compares the time of acquisition, while “faster” suggests the speed of learning.
- 8. Improve the collocation Original: stay ahead in academic and professional life Suggested revision: gain an advantage in their academic and professional lives Why it matters: The revised phrase is more natural and supplies the possessive reference needed for “lives.”
- 9. Use formal exemplification Original: some profound benefits like Suggested revision: significant benefits, such as Why it matters: “Such as” introduces an example more formally, and the comma clearly marks the example phrase.
- 10. Remove awkward hedging Original: it is expected that parents would consider Suggested revision: parents should consider Why it matters: The direct modal construction states the recommendation clearly and avoids mismatched passive reporting and conditional wording.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: People who advocate for young children to stay home till they are six or seven base their argument on the basis that it would help them create a positive bond with their parents and learn important social skills in a safe environment. Suggested revision: Those who believe young children should stay home until they are six or seven argue that doing so helps children bond with their parents and learn important social skills in a safe environment. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the redundant “base … on the basis,” clarifies the pronouns, and uses a more formal time expression.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: Another reason why children should attend school as soon as possible is that it can help them develop social skills. Suggested revision: Another reason for sending children to school early is that attending school can help them develop social skills. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the ambiguous pronoun “it” and reduces the wordy opening while preserving the claim.
Suggested Rewrites
- Schools are often a place Schools are often places
- education in young minds education among children
- On the contrary In contrast
- help them in their cognitive development support their cognitive development
- A school is a place School provides an environment
- teachers, and learn teachers and learn
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay maintains a clear opinion and develops the case for early schooling convincingly through relevant academic and social benefits, with strong logical control. The opposing view is accurate but comparatively brief, and a few expressions are redundant or overly broad. Expand the home-based perspective with one further developed reason, then weigh it explicitly against the benefits supporting the final position.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and a consistent opinion are presented, with strong support for early schooling but less development of the opposing perspective.
Develop the stay-at-home view more fully and explicitly explain why its benefits are outweighed by the advantages of early schooling.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses clearly through distinct stages, and paragraphing and cohesive links support effortless reading.
Integrate the separate opinion paragraph more closely with the preceding argument to avoid restating an already established position.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise, though occasional redundancy and broad phrasing limit complete naturalness.
Remove expressions such as base their argument on the basis and replace broad claims like stay ahead in professional life with more precise outcomes.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence forms is used accurately, and the response is largely error-free apart from minor punctuation issues.
Polish coordination punctuation, avoiding unnecessary commas before shared verb phrases such as and learn how to cooperate.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. Others, however, believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.