Some people believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. Others, however, believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
The discussion about the appropriate school-going age for children is often hotly debated. While many believe that toddlers should start school as early as possible, others think that they should stay home until they turn six or seven and learn at home. This essay will discuss both views and argue that children should stay home and learn from their parents and other relatives till they are six or seven.
Many parents want their infants to join a school early, sometimes as early as 3 or 4 years of age, so that they learn fundamental skills like reading, writing and cooperation with other children as soon as possible. They believe that this is the age when a child's cognitive development occurs at full pace, and schools are expected to provide them ample opportunities to learn and grab new information. In schools, according to them, these young children will learn important subjects like "Mathematics" or "English" as well as other essential behaviours and ethical aspects. It will help in shaping their future.
Others, however, think that children, until the age of six or seven years, should spend time with their parents at home as they learn what they see, play with, or observe. In other words, they cannot distinguish between good and bad habits and can be misguided easily at school by peers. In addition to this, pressure in schools may restrict their ability to play freely and learn from their surroundings. Schools are often accused of restricting freedom and following strict rules - which is not a positive way of teaching young children. A recent survey in the United States has revealed that many school education policies put too much emphasis on formal learning and rob children of their creative abilities.
To recapitulate, despite some benefits of starting school early, I think infants should not be sent to school until the age of six or seven. This should be followed to refrain them from learning negative habits, while also providing them with more independence to cherish their childhood and learn naturally from their family and surroundings.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: school-going age Suggested revision: age to start school Why it matters: This phrase is clearer and more idiomatic in the context of school entry.
- 2. Use accurate age term Original: toddlers Suggested revision: young children Why it matters: “Young children” accurately covers the age range discussed, whereas “toddlers” refers to a much younger group.
- 3. Use formal connector Original: till Suggested revision: until Why it matters: “Until” is more appropriate than the informal “till” in an academic essay.
- 4. Correct age and collocation Original: infants to join a school Suggested revision: young children to start school Why it matters: “Infants” is inaccurate for three- or four-year-olds, and children “start school” rather than “join a school.”
- 5. Improve collocation Original: occurs at full pace Suggested revision: proceeds rapidly Why it matters: “Proceeds rapidly” is a natural way to describe the speed of cognitive development.
- 6. Add required preposition Original: provide them ample opportunities Suggested revision: provide them with ample opportunities Why it matters: The verb pattern is “provide someone with something.”
- 7. Use academic wording Original: grab new information Suggested revision: acquire new knowledge Why it matters: “Acquire new knowledge” is more precise and appropriately formal here.
- 8. Refine example phrasing Original: subjects like "Mathematics" or "English" Suggested revision: subjects such as mathematics and English Why it matters: “Such as” is more formal for examples, and school subjects do not require quotation marks or capitalization here.
- 9. Place adverb naturally Original: can be misguided easily Suggested revision: can easily be misguided Why it matters: The adverb normally comes between the modal verb and the passive verb phrase.
- 10. Remove redundancy Original: school education policies Suggested revision: school policies Why it matters: “School” already supplies the educational context, so “education” is redundant.
- 11. Correct verb choice Original: refrain Suggested revision: prevent Why it matters: “Refrain” is intransitive in this sense and cannot take “them” as an object.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: It will help in shaping their future. Suggested revision: This early education can help shape their future. Why it matters: The rewrite replaces the vague pronoun with a clear reference and uses the more concise verb pattern.
Suggested Rewrites
- school-going age age to start school
- toddlers young children
- till until
- infants to join a school young children to start school
- occurs at full pace proceeds rapidly
- provide them ample opportunities provide them with ample opportunities
Why this response received Band 7.5
The essay covers both perspectives, states a consistent opinion, and develops a clear contrast between formal early education and learning through family life and play. Its main limitation is a cluster of awkward or imprecise expressions that weaken otherwise strong arguments. The highest-priority improvement is to replace unnatural collocations and inaccurate labels with precise, idiomatic language while preserving the clear structure.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
All parts of the task are addressed with a clear opinion and relevant support for both positions.
Strengthen the early-schooling side with a more specific explanation of how early instruction produces lasting benefits.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has clear paragraphing and a logical progression from the two views to a consistent conclusion.
Replace vague references such as 'This should be followed' with an explicit statement of the recommended policy.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and often effective, but several choices, including 'grab new information,' 'infants,' and 'refrain them,' are imprecise or unnatural.
Prioritise accurate collocations and age-related terms, such as 'acquire knowledge,' 'young children,' and 'prevent them from.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are used with good control, though occasional faulty parallelism and verb-pattern errors reduce accuracy.
Check coordinated phrases and verb complementation, especially constructions such as 'learn from what they see and experience' and 'prevent them from learning.'
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. Others, however, believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
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