Most countries want to improve the standard of living through economic development, however, others think the social value is lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
Economic development is essential for any country because the economic condition of a country will leave a very heavy impact on the daily routines of the citizens of that country. The economic development is directly linked to the better living standards of the people of the country. If any country wants to provide a better living standard to the citizens and wants to provide essential needs of living (i.e. food, clothes and shelter) to every citizen, a country should be capable and have strong economic development.
If economic development is up to the mark, the living standards would be improved automatically. Through stable economic conditions job opportunities will be created, circulation of money in the market will take place in a suitable manner. I think if any country puts all the focus to improve the standard of living through economic development, citizens of that country will have to work hard and have to spend most of their time in their work and as a result, the social value and social life of the people will cut off. Because economic stability comes in result of impressive hard work and one should sacrifice something in order to earn another thing.
I personally believe that economic development is the best and most appropriate option for good living standards and the advantages of that development always outweigh the disadvantages. Economically developed nations do not suffer from social moral and social bonding. Rather, it is deteriorating in countries where economic development is yet to achieve.
In conclusion, economic development is the most important part of a nation’s progress and it does not mean that the development will degrade the social values.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove article Original: The economic development Suggested revision: Economic development Why it matters: No article is needed when discussing the concept generally.
- 2. Natural collocation Original: will leave a very heavy impact Suggested revision: has a major impact Why it matters: Have an impact is more natural than leave an impact here.
- 3. Simplify noun phrase Original: the daily routines of the citizens Suggested revision: citizens' daily lives Why it matters: This is more concise and natural.
- 4. Article use Original: linked to the better living standards Suggested revision: linked to better living standards Why it matters: The general plural noun phrase does not need the.
- 5. Natural phrase Original: essential needs of living Suggested revision: basic needs Why it matters: Basic needs is the standard phrase for food, clothing, and shelter.
- 6. Parallel structure Original: a country should be capable and have strong economic development Suggested revision: a country should have a strong economy Why it matters: The original joins an adjective and verb phrase awkwardly.
- 7. Academic phrasing Original: If economic development is up to the mark Suggested revision: If economic development is strong Why it matters: Up to the mark is informal and less precise.
- 8. Concise phrasing Original: circulation of money in the market will take place Suggested revision: money will circulate through the market Why it matters: This is more direct and easier to read.
- 9. Natural phrase Original: puts all the focus Suggested revision: focuses entirely Why it matters: The verb focuses is more concise.
- 10. Wrong phrase Original: social life of the people will cut off Suggested revision: people's social lives may be weakened Why it matters: Cut off is not natural for social life in this sentence.
- 11. Cause phrase Original: comes in result of impressive hard work Suggested revision: comes as a result of sustained hard work Why it matters: As a result of is the correct phrase, and sustained is more natural than impressive.
- 12. General expression Original: in order to earn another thing Suggested revision: in order to gain something else Why it matters: Something else is more natural than another thing.
Suggested Rewrites
- The economic development Economic development
- will leave a very heavy impact has a major impact
- the daily routines of the citizens citizens' daily lives
- linked to the better living standards linked to better living standards
- essential needs of living basic needs
- a country should be capable and have strong economic development a country should have a strong economy
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay gives a clear position that economic development is more beneficial and addresses the loss of social value. Development is adequate but quite general, and the disadvantages are not explored in enough depth before being rejected.
Give one concrete disadvantage of economic development and explain why the benefits still outweigh it.
Coherence and Cohesion
The paragraph structure is clear and the argument progresses from background to benefits, drawbacks, and conclusion. Some paragraphs are short or repetitive, and the contrast between social loss and economic gain could be more explicit.
Use clearer topic sentences that state advantage, disadvantage, and final weighing.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is suitable for the topic, including economic development, living standards, job opportunities, and social values. However, there is repetition of economic development and several awkward phrases such as comes in result of and social moral.
Use a wider range of precise terms such as prosperity, employment, public services, community bonds, and material progress.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is clear, and there is some control of complex structures, but article use, sentence length, and awkward clause patterns are noticeable. Accuracy is sufficient but not strong.
Shorten long sentences and check prepositions in phrases such as linked to, as a result of, and where development has not yet been achieved.