In recent time economic growth has made some people richer in both developed and developing countries. While studies show that people in developing countries are happier now than before, people in developed countries are no happier than they were before. Why do you think this is and what lessons can be learned from it?
Same question Compare 2 different answersSample Response
At recent years, the economic conditions have been developed in all countries in the world. However, it seems that developing countries have better achievement in increasing their happiness indicator rather than developed countries. There are several things that can be learned from this phenomenon and I will try to elaborate them in this essay.
Psychologically, rich countries have achieved their economic peak describing the massive productivity and superiority in well-known thrived multinational industries and by the time passed by the stagnancy occurred. Dissimilar with it, emerging countries have been trying so hard to pursue the enrollment in economy indicators, and as a result, they achieved them and easily felt happy with the overwhelming results. This is the dire impact for developed countries because they are afraid by the economy theory stating there will be always a victim in economic competition.
Apart from that, developing countries have been thriving so fast by fixing their government expenditure, increasing and improving the environment of local businesses which drive the huge number of investments. As results, there is up-going growth in employment indicators and an improvement in individual spending because they have revenues by huge working opportunities. These happen in China, Brazil, Indonesia, and India. Meanwhile, developed countries such America, Japan, and European Industrial Countries have maximised the usage of their resources so they are encouraged to develop their factories overseas by outsourcing the workers from local developing countries which give benefits for poor countries in many ways.
In conclusion, the theory of “economy cycle” driven by business cycle theory is inevitable arguing that a country who has reached the maximum outcomes in economy, will suffer a daunt fall whether it will be significant or steady is based on the effective efforts by the country.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix time phrase Original: At Suggested revision: In Why it matters: The time expression requires the preposition “in.”
- 2. Use active change verb Original: the economic conditions have been developed Suggested revision: economic conditions have improved Why it matters: Conditions improve; the passive form incorrectly suggests that someone developed them.
- 3. Use natural collocation Original: better achievement Suggested revision: greater success Why it matters: “Greater success” is the natural expression for a stronger outcome.
- 4. Clarify measurement Original: increasing their happiness indicator Suggested revision: increasing their levels of happiness Why it matters: The replacement refers naturally to how happy people are rather than to a vague indicator.
- 5. Fix comparison marker Original: rather than developed countries Suggested revision: than developed countries Why it matters: A comparative adjective such as “better” takes “than,” not “rather than.”
- 6. Add required preposition Original: elaborate them Suggested revision: elaborate on them Why it matters: The verb “elaborate” requires “on” before its object.
- 7. Repair participle link Original: economic peak describing Suggested revision: economic peak, marked by Why it matters: The original participle does not logically describe what the peak does.
- 8. Fix adjective form Original: well-known thrived multinational industries Suggested revision: well-established multinational industries Why it matters: “Thrived” cannot function as an adjective here, while “well-established” conveys mature industries.
- 9. Use concise time phrase Original: by the time passed by Suggested revision: over time Why it matters: The original clause combines incompatible time constructions.
- 10. Use correct noun Original: the stagnancy occurred Suggested revision: stagnation occurred Why it matters: “Stagnation” is the standard noun for a period without economic growth.
- 11. Clarify the effect Original: dire impact for developed countries Suggested revision: serious concern for developed countries Why it matters: “Concern” matches the following reference to fear more logically than “impact.”
- 12. Fix preposition Original: by Suggested revision: of Why it matters: The adjective “afraid” takes the preposition “of.”
Suggested Rewrites
- At In
- the economic conditions have been developed economic conditions have improved
- better achievement greater success
- increasing their happiness indicator increasing their levels of happiness
- rather than developed countries than developed countries
- elaborate them elaborate on them
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response presents a recognisable contrast between mature and emerging economies and supports it with discussion of investment, employment, and outsourcing. Its main limitation is that the requested lessons are never clearly identified, while frequent grammatical and collocational problems sometimes obscure the reasoning; the highest priority is to state one or two explicit lessons and develop each in clear, accurately controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response explains differing happiness through economic maturity and growth, but the requested lessons remain largely implicit and supporting claims are unevenly developed.
Answer the second question directly by identifying specific lessons and explaining how governments or individuals should apply them.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a discernible paragraph structure and uses linking expressions, although progression becomes strained when loosely connected claims are packed into long sentences.
Give each paragraph one clear controlling idea and connect each supporting sentence explicitly to that idea.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a reasonably broad economic vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision and sometimes clarity.
Prioritise natural combinations such as economic growth, employment opportunities, and a sharp decline instead of forcing unfamiliar expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms is attempted, but frequent errors in articles, prepositions, agreement, and clause construction regularly weaken control.
Use shorter complex sentences and systematically check clause boundaries, verb forms, and prepositions before adding further detail.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In recent time economic growth has made some people richer in both developed and developing countries. While studies show that people in developing countries are happier now than before, people in developed countries are no happier than they were before. Why do you think this is and what lessons can be learned from it?
Your response
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