In recent time economic growth has made some people richer in both developed and developing countries. While studies show that people in developing countries are happier now than before, people in developed countries are no happier than they were before. Why do you think this is and what lessons can be learned from it?
Sample Response
Money cannot guarantee people's happiness. It is proved by experts that although economic growth has made people richer, people from developed countries feel less happy than they were before. In contrast, in poor countries, wealth make them happier. I will outline the reason why this phenomenon happened.
In the case of developed countries, they are never starving. In the past, they can found meal everywhere and able to bought it. Before technology advanced, they already went to work such as farming or work in a factory. They had enough money to prevent them from starving. Another reason is the time of working. They worked several hours and have time to take a rest. Meanwhile, in recent year, they work overlap time hours. They have no time to do their interest or go on vacations with their family. It is because of competition among people. Their ambition encourages them to pursue their goal and achievement for enhancing their status.
On the other hand, residents of developing countries feel happier than they were before because they ever lived in a lack of education and food. In the past, it was really hard for them to buy some food and studied in formal education. But today, since they are richer than before, they can get both of those terms. They can buy an important stuff for their life. Another reason is they can manage their time working well, so they still have time to interact with other people.
In conclusion, I must say that what we can learn about two cases above is to love our life. It is true that we need to work and earn money for our life but it cannot be denied that we need to enjoy our life with our lovely people. So, we need to thanks for everything we have and we got.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Avoid unsupported phrasing Original: It is proved by experts Suggested revision: Research suggests Why it matters: This wording states the general claim more naturally without implying a specific proof.
- 2. Use precise term Original: poor Suggested revision: developing Why it matters: This term matches the task wording and is more neutral and precise.
- 3. Fix subject agreement Original: make Suggested revision: makes Why it matters: The singular subject “wealth” requires the verb “makes”.
- 4. Use plural form Original: reason Suggested revision: reasons Why it matters: The response goes on to present more than one reason.
- 5. Use correct tense Original: phenomenon happened Suggested revision: phenomenon has occurred Why it matters: The present perfect fits a change that has developed up to the present.
- 6. Fix verb form Original: can found Suggested revision: could find Why it matters: A modal verb takes the base form, and the past context requires “could”.
- 7. Clarify food access Original: meal everywhere Suggested revision: food readily available Why it matters: The original collocation is unnatural and does not clearly express general access to food.
- 8. Fix verb phrase Original: able to bought it Suggested revision: were able to buy it Why it matters: The construction requires “were able to” followed by the base verb “buy”.
- 9. Improve collocation Original: advanced Suggested revision: developed Why it matters: “Technology developed” is the more natural collocation in this context.
- 10. Use parallel forms Original: such as farming or work in a factory Suggested revision: such as farming or factory work Why it matters: Both examples should use parallel noun forms.
- 11. Use natural phrase Original: time of working Suggested revision: amount of time spent working Why it matters: The replacement clearly expresses the intended idea about working hours.
- 12. Keep past tense Original: and have time to take a rest Suggested revision: and had time to rest Why it matters: The verb should remain in the past tense established by “worked”.
Suggested Rewrites
- It is proved by experts Research suggests
- poor developing
- make makes
- reason reasons
- phenomenon happened phenomenon has occurred
- can found could find
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response addresses both contrasting situations and offers a relevant lesson about balancing work, money, and relationships, with a broadly logical progression between ideas. Its main limitation is that explanations are sometimes simplistic or unclear, while frequent grammatical and word-choice errors weaken precision. The highest priority is to develop each cause more specifically and express it through accurately formed sentences and natural collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response answers both why the groups differ and what can be learned, but several relevant ideas remain general or only partly explained.
Develop each main cause with a clearer explanation of how it changes happiness and support it with a specific example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and broad contrast create clear progression, although some connections within paragraphs are mechanical or imprecise.
Use clearer cause-and-effect links within each paragraph and avoid moving between claims before their relationship is fully established.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficient to discuss wealth, work, competition, and basic needs, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word forms reduce precision.
Practise natural combinations such as working longer hours, pursuing achievements, meeting basic needs, and being grateful for what one has.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of simple and complex structures is attempted, but frequent errors in tense, agreement, articles, and verb forms sometimes strain clarity.
Prioritise control of verb tense and form, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure before adding further complexity.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In recent time economic growth has made some people richer in both developed and developing countries. While studies show that people in developing countries are happier now than before, people in developed countries are no happier than they were before. Why do you think this is and what lessons can be learned from it?
Your response
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