In recent time economic growth has made some people richer in both developed and developing countries. While studies show that people in developing countries are happier now than before, people in developed countries are no happier than they were before. Why do you think this is and what lessons can be learned from it?
Sample Response
Recently, some people have become richer both in developed countries and developing countries because of the economic growth. The result of some studies presents that people in developing countries are happier than before while people in developed countries are in the opposite situation. This phenomenon might have happened because of two main reasons that I will discuss below.
Competition is the first reason why people in developed countries are no happy that they were. Due to the economic growth, companies put them self in a competition. This condition creates new rules to workers. Employees are forced to work harder than before to avoid being beaten by other companies in terms of technology, quality and quantity. Take mobile phone companies as an example. They compete to develop new technology to attract consumers. People in developing countries, on the other hand, are focused more on building their businesses instead of competing each other because many of the companies are categorised as small to medium companies.
The second reason is the time spent. When there are many competitions among companies, there is more work to do for the workers. This will lead to more time spent in the workplace rather than spending times to their private life. Unconsciously, these companies increase the stress level of their workers which means people in developed countries are no happy than before. In the opposite situation with that, people in developing countries become happier because they can earn more money for their family than they were, even though they have to spend more time in workplaces. It decreases their stress level.
From two reasons I mentioned above, it is clearly seen that economic growth can bring wealthy to both countries which are the good side of it but the work pressure and the time spent are not worth for some people especially in developed countries which are the dark sides of economic growth. It also shows that wealthy is not the main guarantee for people to gain happiness in life, there is quality time with friends and families too.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove the article Original: because of the economic growth Suggested revision: because of economic growth Why it matters: The general concept “economic growth” does not take “the” here.
- 2. Fix the comparison Original: no happy that they were Suggested revision: no happier than they were Why it matters: The comparative adjective requires “happier than.”
- 3. Use the reflexive plural Original: them self Suggested revision: themselves Why it matters: The plural subject “companies” requires the reflexive pronoun “themselves.”
- 4. Use the natural phrase Original: in a competition Suggested revision: in competition Why it matters: “In competition” is the idiomatic phrase for companies competing generally.
- 5. Name the reference Original: condition Suggested revision: competition Why it matters: Repeating the precise idea makes the link to the previous sentence clear.
- 6. Correct the collocation Original: new rules to workers Suggested revision: new demands on workers Why it matters: Competition creates demands on workers rather than rules to them.
- 7. Use business vocabulary Original: being beaten by Suggested revision: falling behind Why it matters: “Falling behind” is the natural expression for losing ground to competitors.
- 8. Use the active form Original: are focused more on Suggested revision: focus more on Why it matters: The active form is more direct and grammatical for a general business priority.
- 9. Add the preposition Original: competing each other Suggested revision: competing with each other Why it matters: The verb “compete” requires “with” before the other competitors.
- 10. Use uncountable competition Original: many competitions among companies Suggested revision: intense competition among companies Why it matters: “Competition” is uncountable when referring to general commercial rivalry.
- 11. Use a causal linker Original: Unconsciously Suggested revision: As a result Why it matters: The sentence states a consequence rather than an unconscious action by the companies.
- 12. Use the plural noun Original: level Suggested revision: levels Why it matters: Multiple workers have individual stress levels, so the plural form is appropriate.
Suggested Rewrites
- because of the economic growth because of economic growth
- no happy that they were no happier than they were
- them self themselves
- in a competition in competition
- condition competition
- new rules to workers new demands on workers
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response is clearly organised and gives a relevant explanation of how competition and longer working hours may reduce happiness in developed countries. Its main weakness is that the two reasons substantially overlap and the lesson is only briefly stated at the end, while frequent language errors weaken precision. The highest priority is to develop a distinct comparative explanation and a fuller, practical lesson from it.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are addressed, but the explanations of competition and time pressure overlap, and the lessons learned receive limited development.
Add a distinct reason for the contrast between country groups and explain practical lessons for governments, employers, or individuals.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress through clear paragraphs and basic cohesive devices, although some links are mechanical and the body sections repeat closely related content.
Give each body paragraph a genuinely separate purpose and use reference words and transitions more naturally within the argument.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for the topic, but frequent word-form and collocation errors such as using wealthy as a noun limit accuracy.
Build control of common topic phrases about competition, work pressure, wealth, and family time before extending vocabulary range.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied sentence forms, but frequent errors in comparison, agreement, plurals, prepositions, and clause construction remain noticeable.
Practise accurate comparative structures and edit sentences systematically for subject-verb agreement, countable nouns, and prepositions.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In recent time economic growth has made some people richer in both developed and developing countries. While studies show that people in developing countries are happier now than before, people in developed countries are no happier than they were before. Why do you think this is and what lessons can be learned from it?
Your response
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