Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Children should spend quality time in extra curricular activities apart from the study. Some people think that leisure activities must include educational programs while some others including me, think that we do not require mixing up education with leisure activities. According to some people, if children have to learn faster and efficiently, they should include some educational programs as part of their extra activities. They think that by keeping them busy in such kind of activities we can help improving their skills and students become more active in their studies. As per my opinion, we should draw a line between the student's education and his extra activities. Both of them should not be mixed up. Students nowadays have lengthy course work to study entire year. They hardly manage time for their extra activities and so if we include educational activities as part of their leisure activities then they may feel bored. They also require changes in their routined-life and by providing some new creative tasks in their free time it is possible to make them refreshed and relaxed. I think that it also helps to improve their skills that actually require for their educational programs. Moreover, engaging children in activities like singing, dancing, painting etc. improves their thinking power and creativity. By participating in these types of activities, students can know their inner ability and strength. Also, some of the physical activities like sports and exercise keep them fit and healthy and help them to maintain their physical strength. One of the good examples I want to mention is the summer camp. In summer camps, mostly children explore different sports and creative activities that actually increase their self-confidence and keep them relaxed and cool. To draw the conclusion, we should not force children to engage in the leisure activities which we want them to do. Let them decide on their own which activities suit them most.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use indefinite article Original: the Suggested revision: a Why it matters: The example introduces a general type of camp, so the indefinite article is required.
- 2. Use natural phrasing Original: apart from the study Suggested revision: alongside their studies Why it matters: Alongside their studies naturally expresses that the activities are additional to schoolwork.
- 3. Repair contrast and commas Original: while some others including me, think Suggested revision: whereas others, including me, think Why it matters: Whereas makes the contrast clear and the parenthetical phrase requires two commas.
- 4. Use a direct verb Original: do not require mixing up Suggested revision: should not mix Why it matters: Should not mix directly states the writer's view and fits the following objects.
- 5. Use parallel adverbs Original: if children have to learn faster and efficiently Suggested revision: if children are to learn more quickly and efficiently Why it matters: Quickly and efficiently are parallel adverbs modifying learn.
- 6. Clarify the subject Original: they should include some educational programs Suggested revision: their schedules should include some educational programmes Why it matters: Schedules, rather than children themselves, can include programmes.
- 7. Use standard expression Original: As per my opinion Suggested revision: In my opinion Why it matters: In my opinion is the standard phrase for introducing a personal view.
- 8. Use consistent plural reference Original: the student's education and his extra activities Suggested revision: students' education and their extracurricular activities Why it matters: The plural possessive and pronoun agree with the essay's general reference to children.
- 9. Use natural collocation Original: lengthy course work Suggested revision: heavy coursework Why it matters: Heavy coursework naturally describes a demanding amount of academic work.
- 10. Add required article Original: study entire year Suggested revision: study throughout the year Why it matters: Throughout the year is the complete expression for continuous study over that period.
- 11. Use natural collocation Original: hardly manage time Suggested revision: can hardly find time Why it matters: Find time is the conventional expression for having time available.
- 12. Use passive form Original: skills that actually require Suggested revision: skills that are actually required Why it matters: The skills receive the action, so a passive verb form is needed.
Suggested Rewrites
- the a
- apart from the study alongside their studies
- while some others including me, think whereas others, including me, think
- do not require mixing up should not mix
- if children have to learn faster and efficiently if children are to learn more quickly and efficiently
- they should include some educational programs their schedules should include some educational programmes
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear disagreement and offers several relevant benefits of non-academic leisure, including creativity, health and confidence. Its main limitation is organisation: the entire argument is presented as one paragraph, so distinct ideas and the counter-position are not clearly staged, while frequent grammatical and collocational errors reduce fluency. The highest priority is to divide the essay into purposeful paragraphs and revise each sentence for natural, accurate expression.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response presents a clear disagreement and supports it with several relevant benefits and an example, though some ideas are repetitive or only briefly explained.
Develop two central reasons in greater depth and make the conclusion explicitly restate why leisure need not be educational.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a discernible sequence, but the absence of paragraphing obscures the structure and several links between ideas are repetitive or mechanical.
Use separate paragraphs for the opposing view, the main reasons for disagreement, and the conclusion, with one controlling idea in each body paragraph.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for discussing education, creativity and physical activity, but recurrent awkward collocations and word-form choices reduce naturalness.
Replace expressions such as routined-life, thinking power and know their inner ability with natural, precise alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning remains generally clear and some complex structures are attempted, but frequent errors in articles, agreement, verb patterns and clause construction limit accuracy.
Revise verb patterns and noun phrases systematically, especially forms such as help improve, skills that are required and throughout the year.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.