Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Children should spend quality time in extra curricular activities alongside their studiesapart from the study. Some people think that leisure activities must include educational programs whereas others, including me, thinkwhile some others including me, think that we should not mixdo not require mixing up education with leisure activities. According to some people, if children are to learn more quickly and efficientlyif children have to learn faster and efficiently, their schedules should include some educational programmesthey should include some educational programs as part of their extra activities. They think that by keeping them busy in such kind of activities we can help improving their skills and students become more active in their studies. In my opinionAs per my opinion, we should draw a line between students' education and their extracurricular activitiesthe student's education and his extra activities. Both of them should not be mixed up. Students nowadays have heavy courseworklengthy course work to study throughout the yearstudy entire year. They can hardly find timehardly manage time for their extra activities and so if we include educational activities as part of their leisure activities then they may feel bored. They also require changes in their routined-life and by providing some new creative tasks in their free time it is possible to make them refreshed and relaxed. I think that it also helps to improve their skills that are actually requiredskills that actually require for their educational programs. Moreover, engaging children in activities like singing, dancing, painting etc. improves their thinking skillspower and creativity. By participating in these types of activities, students can discover their abilities and strengthsknow their inner ability and strength. Also, some of the physical activities like sports and exercise keep them fit and healthy and help them to maintain their physical strength. One of the good examples I want to mention is athe summer camp. In summer camps, children mainly exploremostly children explore different sports and creative activities that actually increase their self-confidence and keep them relaxed and cool. To draw the conclusion, we should not force children to engage in leisure activitiesengage in the leisure activities which we want them to do. Let them decide on their own which activities suit them bestmost.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear disagreement and offers several relevant benefits of non-academic leisure, including creativity, health and confidence. Its main limitation is organisation: the entire argument is presented as one paragraph, so distinct ideas and the counter-position are not clearly staged, while frequent grammatical and collocational errors reduce fluency. The highest priority is to divide the essay into purposeful paragraphs and revise each sentence for natural, accurate expression.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response presents a clear disagreement and supports it with several relevant benefits and an example, though some ideas are repetitive or only briefly explained.
Develop two central reasons in greater depth and make the conclusion explicitly restate why leisure need not be educational.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a discernible sequence, but the absence of paragraphing obscures the structure and several links between ideas are repetitive or mechanical.
Use separate paragraphs for the opposing view, the main reasons for disagreement, and the conclusion, with one controlling idea in each body paragraph.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for discussing education, creativity and physical activity, but recurrent awkward collocations and word-form choices reduce naturalness.
Replace expressions such as routined-life, thinking power and know their inner ability with natural, precise alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning remains generally clear and some complex structures are attempted, but frequent errors in articles, agreement, verb patterns and clause construction limit accuracy.
Revise verb patterns and noun phrases systematically, especially forms such as help improve, skills that are required and throughout the year.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.