Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Today, education has become a priority for many parents seeking to secure a good future for their children in this rapidly changing world. They believe that if their children apply themselves and work hard at school, then they will increase their opportunities for going to higher education and eventually getting a good job. Of course, they are right, and as access to the best education and best jobs is becoming more competitive, then it is true that children have to make the best of their study time when they are young.
However, the parents who do not allow their children sufficient free time for leisure activities outside school hours are misguided. Such activities are far from being a waste of time for the children simply because they are not academic. It is important to remember that children need to develop skills other than intellectual ones, and the best way to do this is through activities such as sports, games and playing with other kids. If they cannot play make-believe games, how can they develop their imagination? How can they learn physical coordination or learn important social lessons about winning and losing if they do not practise any sports? Many children form strong, personal relationships with the friends they play with, and without the opportunity to do this, they could grow up emotionally immature or unformed.
Finally, I think it is also important to remember that, children need to relax as well as work. If everything they do must have some educational or academic relevance, then they will soon get tired of studying altogether, which is the last thing parents would want.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: going to higher education Suggested revision: entering higher education Why it matters: Entering higher education is the more natural collocation for beginning university-level study.
- 2. Use generic plural Original: the parents who Suggested revision: parents who Why it matters: A zero article is more natural when referring generally to parents of this kind.
- 3. Use generic noun Original: for the children Suggested revision: for children Why it matters: Children is being discussed generally, so the definite article is unnecessary.
- 4. Clarify skill contrast Original: other than intellectual ones Suggested revision: beyond intellectual skills Why it matters: The revision makes the contrast between intellectual and other skills more concise.
- 5. Keep list parallel Original: sports, games and playing with other kids Suggested revision: sports, games, and play with other children Why it matters: The revised list uses parallel noun phrases and replaces the informal word kids.
- 6. Use concise expression Original: play make-believe games Suggested revision: engage in make-believe play Why it matters: The revision expresses the same activity more concisely and formally.
- 7. Use natural collocation Original: practise any sports Suggested revision: participate in sports Why it matters: Participate in sports is the natural collocation for taking part in sporting activities.
- 8. Remove incorrect comma Original: remember that, children Suggested revision: remember that children Why it matters: A comma should not separate the complementizer that from its clause.
- 9. Remove redundant terms Original: some educational or academic relevance Suggested revision: some educational relevance Why it matters: Educational and academic overlap here, so one term communicates the idea more concisely.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: Of course, they are right, and as access to the best education and best jobs is becoming more competitive, then it is true that children have to make the best of their study time when they are young. Suggested revision: Of course, they are right: as access to the best education and jobs becomes more competitive, children need to make the most of their study time when they are young. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the redundant as-then structure and repetition while preserving the argument.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: Many children form strong, personal relationships with the friends they play with, and without the opportunity to do this, they could grow up emotionally immature or unformed. Suggested revision: Many children form strong personal relationships with friends through play, and without that opportunity, they could grow up emotionally immature or underdeveloped. Why it matters: The rewrite clarifies the reference and replaces the unnatural adjective unformed without changing the claim.
Suggested Rewrites
- going to higher education entering higher education
- the parents who parents who
- for the children for children
- other than intellectual ones beyond intellectual skills
- sports, games and playing with other kids sports, games, and play with other children
- play make-believe games engage in make-believe play
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response develops a clear disagreement through well-chosen arguments about children's social, emotional, imaginative, and physical development, and its rhetorical questions make the reasoning persuasive. The main limitation is that the opening concession delays the writer's position and a few sentences contain minor punctuation or phrasing lapses. State the position explicitly in the introduction and polish these isolated language issues for greater precision.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear and supported by well-developed, relevant reasons showing why non-academic leisure has substantial value.
Signal the disagreement explicitly in the introduction so the stance is immediately unmistakable.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses logically from acknowledging academic pressure to explaining the developmental and restorative value of leisure.
Make the introductory concession slightly more concise to bring the central argument forward sooner.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, precise, and naturally adapted to education, development, relationships, and leisure, with only isolated awkward phrasing.
Refine occasional expressions such as emotionally immature or unformed to make the final nuance more exact.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, and the few punctuation or construction lapses do not impede communication.
Remove isolated unnecessary punctuation, particularly the comma after that in the final paragraph.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.