An increasing number of people work from home these days and stay in touch with their office using computer technology. What are the effects on employees of working from home?
Sample Response
Nowadays, thanks to development in the cyber-space, some people are able to do their job from home. This method can be useful in some aspects. I think they can save not only their money but they can raise their safety and improve their family relationships too. Obviously, this types of careers are far economical than working in the office. Paying for public transportation tickets or private vehicle gas, people have to spend several hundreds of dollars each month to commute between their home and workplace; however, those working from home do not spend this money and can save it. For example, my brother, who works for a mobile company in Australia, has to pay almost $300 per month to travel from his apartment to his workplace located in downtown, while he would not pay it when his employer permitted him to work from home, and he would save over $3500 annually. Another reason is that this method is far safer than the working in the office. Had not many electronic engineers had to travel between their home and the company they are working, they would not have been injured or even died because of road accidents. Many of them have to use their private car to reach their destination, and unfortunately, because of sudden car accidents, their lives have been jeopardised. Lastly, this method can improve family relationships. Clearly, this group of employees usually stay longer hours a day in their house and are definitely a longer time in contact with their spouse or children than the ones working in the outside home. In this way, a friend of mine who his office is a room inside of his house can have closer communication with his children because he can monitor his children's activities, including their study or playing, and he is more familiar with his wife's personality than a similar personnel who have to work more than eight hours a day in his workplace. In conclusion, those working from home can gain more advantages than the ones working from the office. I believe that the former usually spend less money for their transportation, are harmed less by car accidents and have more mutual relations with their family members. It is a perfect plan if governments popularise this type of jobs fundamentally.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural technology phrase Original: development in the cyber-space Suggested revision: advances in digital technology Why it matters: Cyberspace is normally one word and this phrase is awkward.
- 2. Plural reference Original: do their job Suggested revision: do their jobs Why it matters: People is plural.
- 3. Precise phrase Original: useful in some aspects Suggested revision: beneficial in several ways Why it matters: This introduces multiple effects clearly.
- 4. Parallel structure Original: save not only their money Suggested revision: not only save money Why it matters: Place not only before the first coordinated verb.
- 5. Wrong collocation Original: raise their safety Suggested revision: improve their safety Why it matters: Safety is improved, not raised.
- 6. Determiner agreement Original: this types of careers Suggested revision: these types of working arrangements Why it matters: This does not agree with plural types.
- 7. Comparative form Original: far economical than Suggested revision: far more economical than Why it matters: Use more with a multi-syllable adjective.
- 8. Natural expense term Original: private vehicle gas Suggested revision: fuel for private vehicles Why it matters: This is clearer and more formal.
- 9. Number phrase Original: several hundreds of dollars Suggested revision: several hundred dollars Why it matters: Hundred remains singular after several.
- 10. Location phrase Original: located in downtown Suggested revision: located downtown Why it matters: Downtown needs no in here.
- 11. Conditional consistency Original: when his employer permitted him Suggested revision: if his employer permitted him Why it matters: The sentence describes a hypothetical condition.
- 12. Faulty comparison Original: than the working in the office Suggested revision: than working in an office Why it matters: Do not nominalise working with the.
Suggested Rewrites
- development in the cyber-space advances in digital technology
- do their job do their jobs
- useful in some aspects beneficial in several ways
- save not only their money not only save money
- raise their safety improve their safety
- this types of careers these types of working arrangements
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay directly addresses effects on employees and develops three relevant benefits—lower commuting costs, greater safety, and stronger family contact—with concrete examples. Its coverage is one-sided, however, and several examples are overstated or grammatically difficult, especially the inverted road-accident sentence. Add at least one credible disadvantage such as isolation or blurred boundaries, then simplify sentences and improve collocation and agreement accuracy.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Three positive effects are developed with examples, but the response does not consider negative effects and some claims are overstated.
Add a developed drawback such as isolation, reduced mentoring, or difficulty separating work and home life.
Coherence and Cohesion
The three-benefit sequence is clear, though some long sentences and repeated method/reason phrasing weaken flow.
Use one focused paragraph for financial effects and another that balances safety and social effects.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate topic vocabulary, but unnatural phrases such as raise safety and mutual relations recur.
Use improve safety, commute, work-life boundaries, and family relationships precisely.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex forms are attempted, but agreement, comparatives, conditionals, and relative clauses frequently break down.
Prefer controlled clauses and check this/these, singular/plural agreement, and comparative structures.