Some people think success is mainly based on hard work and determination. Others think there are more important factors, such as money and appearance.
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Sample Response
There is an ongoing debate over the most important factors for success. Although some people believe that success stems primarily frommainly depends on hard work and determination, others argue that factors such as money and appearance are more important. From my perspective, hard work and determination are far more pivotalplay a more important role.
Proponents of external advantages contendSupporters of the view that money and appearance are more important often argue that these factors can provide people with crucial head starts and networking opportunitiesvaluable opportunities. Admittedly, success in certain fields may depend partly on financial resources or aesthetic appealphysical appearance. For example, aspiring dancers may need sufficient money to pay for professional training to achieve successbefore becoming successful, while appearance may also influence first impressions in some performance-related industries. Therefore, money and appearance can contribute to success under specific circumstancesin particular situations.
Nevertheless, money and appearance are only advantageous in certain circumstances and are not as important as sustained effort and determination. Even if people are wealthy or physically attractive, they are unlikely to succeed without working hard. Take dancers, for example. If they do not practise regularly and strive continuously to refinemake great efforts to improve their skills, they cannot deliver exceptional performancesgive outstanding performances on stage. Furthermore, without determination, people may find it difficult to continue improving a particular skill over an extended periodover a long period of time. As a result, it would be difficult for them to achieve lasting success. Therefore, I believe that hard work and determination are the most important factors for success.
In conclusion, I believe that hard work and determination are more important than money and appearance because they enable people to improve their abilities and continue making progress over time.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay presents a well-structured, clear argument that thoroughly addresses both sides of the prompt while maintaining a consistent position. The ideas are developed logically with relevant examples, and the writing demonstrates high accuracy in grammar and vocabulary. To reach an even higher standard, the writer could broaden the range of examples beyond a single profession to further illustrate the main points.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response presents a clear position throughout, addresses both views in the prompt directly, and provides well-reasoned support.
Incorporate examples from varied domains beyond a single example to strengthen the breadth of the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is organized logically with clear paragraphing and natural cohesive devices that guide the reader smoothly.
Vary transitional phrases between paragraphs to create even smoother transitions between contrasting ideas.
Lexical Resource
A wide range of vocabulary is used flexibly and precisely with natural collocation throughout the response.
Experiment with more sophisticated topic-specific vocabulary to enhance academic tone and depth.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar and sentence structures are consistently accurate, showing a good mix of simple and complex sentences.
Incorporate additional advanced structural patterns, such as inverted or reduced clauses, to show even greater grammatical flexibility.