Some people think success is mainly based on hard work and determination. Others think there are more important factors, such as money and appearance.
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Sample Response
There is an ongoing debate over the key factors in achieving successimportant factors to succeed. Although some people think that success is mainly based on hard work and determination, others think that there are more important factors, such as money and appearance. From my perspective, I agree that hard work and determination are more important.
Supporters of the view that money and appearance are more significant for success often argue that money and appearance give people some cherished opportunities. Admittedly, certain fields require specific advantagessome kinds of success need some special factors. For example, if people want to succeed in dancing, they need money for training before they become famous, and a pleasingbeautiful and attractive appearance is also needed. Thus, some people might think money and appearance are more significant for success.
Nevertheless, money and appearance are only relevant in certain domainsare just needed in some kinds of success, but are not the most important Deleteamong other factors. The key to success, from my point of view, is hard work and determination. A prime example is that even if people have a lot of money and they are very beautiful, without hard work, they cannot succeed. Take dancers for example: if they do not practice how to dance and dedicate sufficient effort to their craftput much effort into dancing, they cannot deliver a compelling performanceshow their brilliant performance on the stage, which means that they cannot succeed in dancing. Furthermore, without determination, people cannot continue to master their chosen craftimprove only one skill of theirs. In this case, how do they succeed? Consequently, I support the view that hard work and determination are the most important factors for success.
In conclusion, I agree that hard work and determination are more important than money and appearance for people who want to succeed, as these qualities provide individuals withas hard work and determination provide us with an opportunity to improve ourselves day by day.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay clearly presents a well-supported stance while appropriately considering opposing viewpoints using coherent dancer examples. Its primary limitation is a slightly repetitive argument structure and reliance on simple phrasing across paragraphs. To reach higher bands, aim to introduce more varied vocabulary and deepen the analysis of alternative perspectives.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The candidate presents a clear position throughout the response and addresses both sides of the prompt with relevant examples.
Expand the discussion of alternative views beyond a single field to strengthen the depth of counter-arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information and ideas are organized logically with a clear progression throughout the essay.
Use a wider variety of cohesive devices and transitions to avoid relying on repetitive expressions like 'from my point of view'.
Lexical Resource
The candidate uses a sufficient range of vocabulary with reasonable precision and correct word choices throughout.
Incorporate less common lexical items and precise collocations rather than repeating basic words like 'success' and 'important'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex structures is used with good grammatical control and only occasional minor errors.
Vary sentence structures further by incorporating more advanced clause types and reducing rhetorical questions.