The government should spend money in promoting sports and art in school, rather than sponsoring professional sports and art events in communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
This response is estimated at Band 7.0. Can you write a better one?
Write yours and get clear feedback on all four criteria.
- Closest to official scores
- What to fix on each criterion
- Feedback in about 20 seconds · free
Sample Response
In recent years, people have paid more attention to how to spend the money from the government. Some people arguesupport that such money should be allocated to promotingcontributed to promote sports and art in school, while others believe the governmentbelieve government should sponsor professional sports and arts events in communities. From my perspective, I partly agree that the governmentgovenment should invest money in developing sports and art in school.
It is undeniable that children and teenagers should gettake more exercise in school, as it plays a vital role in their growth and physical health. Without the money invested in this area, students may not have proper equipment and facilities to do the exercise that they preferfavor and like. For example, my cousin in high school would like to play tennis, but there is no tennis court in his school, and consequently he does less exercise on a daily basis, which may be detrimental to his physicalhealth development. Therefore, the government should allocate money toin encouraging sports in school.
It is also undeniableindispensable that spending money onin art in school can motivate students' creativity and equip them with art skills. Being creative is a key personality traitkey personality that should be stimulated in young people's lives. If the governmentIf government spends a reasonable amount of money on art in school, such as increasing the teachers' salaries and providing some equipment, students will have more opportunities to appreciate the beauty of art and to be taught by well-known art teachers. Eventually, it will not only encourage them to be more creative, but also help them developcultivate them to have relatively advanced art skills, which may play a significant role in their future liveslife.
On the other hand, sponsoring professional sports and art events in communities can be beneficial for residents. Residents usually are under stress from their work and study. Joining sports and art events, such as sports competitions and art exhibitions, can make them get rid of their pressurepresssure temporarily. In addition, sponsoring such activities can enhance community cohesion, which is significant in societal development. Thus, the government should consider contributingconsider to contribute money to such events.
In conclusion, I believe money from the governmentgovenment should be distributed to foster sports and art in school primarily. However, the govenment also needs to spendalso need spend a sensible amount of money on financing professional sports and art events in communities.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay presents a clear, well-supported stance that effectively addresses both sides of the prompt. Main ideas are logically organized across paragraphs with good vocabulary range and varied grammatical structures. To improve further, focus on refining word choices for precision and eliminating minor grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and verb patterns.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response clearly outlines a nuanced position and develops main points with relevant explanations and examples for both sides of the prompt.
Deepen the comparative analysis by explicitly explaining why school spending might take priority over community event funding rather than just listing separate benefits.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information and ideas are organized logically with a clear overall progression and appropriate paragraphing throughout the response.
Vary cohesive devices and refine transitional phrases between paragraphs to make the logical flow even more seamless.
Lexical Resource
A good range of vocabulary is used flexibly to convey ideas, despite minor misuses and spelling typos.
Focus on natural word partnerships and precise phrasings, avoiding unnatural combinations like cultivate them to have.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex sentence structures is produced with generally good control, though some minor grammatical slips remain.
Check verb patterns and subject-verb agreement carefully, such as using consider contributing instead of consider to contribute.