The government should spend money in promoting sports and art in school, rather than sponsoring professional sports and art events in communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
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Sample Response
In recent years, people have paid more attention to how to spend public fundsthe money from the government. Some people argue that such money should be allocated for promotingto promote sports and art in schools, while others believe the government should sponsor professional sports and arts events in communities. From my perspective, I partly agree that the government should invest money in developing sports and art in schools.
It is undeniable that children and teenagers should get more exercise at school, as it plays a vital role in their growth and physical health. Without the money invested in this area, students may not have proper equipment and facilities to do the exercisesexercise that they favor. For example, my cousin in high school wants to play tennis, but there is no tennis court in his school, and consequently he exercises less on a daily basis, which may be detrimental to his physical development. Therefore, the government should allocate money to encourage sports in schoolsschool.
Furthermore, spending money on art in schools is essential because it motivates students' creativity and equips them with artistic skills. Being creative is a key personality traitkey personality that should be stimulated in young people's lives. If the government spends a reasonable amount of money on art in schoolsschool, such as increasing teachers' salaries and providing some equipment, students will have more opportunities to appreciate the beauty of art and to be taught by well-known art teachers. Eventually, this will not only encourage them to be more creative, but also help them develop relatively advanced artistic skills, which may play a significant role in their future lives.
On the other hand, sponsoring professional sports and art events in communities can be beneficial for residents. Since many residents experience considerable stress from work and study, participating in sports and art events, such as sports competitions and art exhibitions, can help them relieve their stresspressure temporarily. In addition, sponsoring such activities can enhance community cohesion, which is essential tosignificant in societal development. Thus, the government should consider contributing money to such events.
In conclusion, I believe money from the government should be distributed to foster sports and art primarily in schools. However, the government also needs to spend a sensible amount of money on financing professional sports and art events in communities.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The essay presents a well-structured argument that directly addresses all parts of the prompt with a clear and consistent nuanced stance. Ideas are logically organized across clear paragraphs and supported by appropriate examples. To reach a higher standard, strengthen the precise choice of vocabulary and refine minor grammatical errors regarding collocations and subject-noun agreement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response presents a clear, well-developed position throughout the essay, fully addressing both funding priorities with relevant examples.
Deepen the comparative analysis by explicitly contrasting why school funding should take priority over community events rather than treating them separately.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is logical and ideas flow smoothly across the text through a variety of clear cohesive devices.
Vary cohesive markers slightly more to avoid relying on standard transitional phrases like 'Furthermore' and 'On the other hand'.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is generally flexible and precise enough to convey subtle ideas clearly, though some minor word choice inaccuracies occur.
Focus on accurate word partnerships, replacing expressions like 'key personality' with 'key personal trait' or 'character trait'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay demonstrates a good range of complex structures with frequent error-free sentences, though minor grammatical slips remain.
Proofread for minor grammatical inaccuracies, such as noun-number agreement like 'do the exercise' versus 'do exercise' or 'do exercises'.