The government should spend money in promoting sports and art in school, rather than sponsoring professional sports and art events in communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
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Sample Response
In recent years, people have paid more attention to how public funds should be spenthow to spend the money from the government. Some people argue that such money should be allocated to promote sports and art in schools, while others believe the government should sponsor professional sports and arts events in communities. From my perspective, I completely agree that the government should invest money in developing sports and art in schools.
It is undeniable that children and teenagers should get more exercise at school, as it plays a vital role in their growth and physical health. Without the money invested in this area, students may not have proper equipment and facilities to engage in exercisedo the exercise that they favor. For example, my cousin in high school wants to play tennis, but there is no tennis court in his school, and consequently he exercises less on a daily basis, which may be detrimental to his physical development. Therefore, the government should allocate money to encourage sports in schoolsschool.
Furthermore, spending money on art in schools is essential because it stimulatesmotivates students' creativity and equips them with artistic skills. Being creative is a key personality traitkey personality that should be stimulated in young people's lives. If the government spends a reasonable amount of money on art in schoolsschool, such as increasing teachers' salaries and providing some equipment, students will have more opportunities to appreciate the beauty of art and to be taught by well-known art teachers. Eventually, this will not only encourage them to be more creative, but also help them develop relatively advanced artistic skills, which may play a significant role in their future lives.
On the other hand, sponsoring professional sports and art events in communities can be beneficial for residents. Since many residents experience considerable stress from work and study, participating in sports and art events, such as sports competitions and art exhibitions, can help them relieve their stresspressure temporarily. In addition, sponsoring such activities can enhance community cohesion, which is significant forin societal development. Thus, the government should consider allocating funds tocontributing money to such events.
In conclusion, I believe money from the government should be distributed to foster sports and art primarily in schools. However, the government also needs to spend a sensible amount of money on financing professional sports and art events in communities.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay presents a clear position with strong development of ideas supporting investment in school sports and art, alongside a balanced view of community events. The main limitation is a minor contradiction between claiming complete agreement in the introduction and taking a nuanced, dual-funding stance in the body and conclusion. To improve, ensure your stated thesis matches your final recommendation precisely throughout the text.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The task is addressed thoroughly with well-explained points, though the introduction states complete agreement while the main body and conclusion support funding both areas.
Align your thesis statement in the introduction with your concessionary paragraphs to maintain a consistent stance from start to finish.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is logical and cohesive devices are used effectively to connect ideas across the essay.
Use more varied transitions between paragraphs to show nuanced relationships rather than relying on standard linkers like 'on the other hand'.
Lexical Resource
The response demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with effective collocations suited to the topic.
Focus on precise word choices, replacing slightly awkward expressions like 'key personality' with terms like 'key personal trait'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammatical structure is generally varied and well-controlled with frequent error-free complex sentences.
Proofread carefully to eliminate minor errors in noun forms, such as pluralising 'art' to 'arts' where appropriate.