The government should spend money in promoting sports and art in school, rather than sponsoring professional sports and art events in communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
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Sample Response
In recent years, people have paid more attention to how to spend the money from the government. Some people argue that such money should be allocated to promoting sports and arts in schoolsallocated to promote sports and art in school, while others believe the government should sponsorwhile others believe government should sponsor professional sports and arts events in communities. From my perspective, I partly agree that the government should invest money in developing sports and art in school.
It is undeniable that children and teenagers should get more exercise at schooltake more exercise in school, as it plays a vital role in their growth and physical health. Without the money invested in this area, students may not have proper equipment and facilities to do the exercise that they favor. For example, my cousin in high school wants to play tennis, but there is no tennis court in his school, and consequently he exercises less on a daily basis, which may be detrimental to his physical development. Therefore, the government should allocate money toin encouraging sports in school.
It is also essential that spending money on art in school can motivate students' creativity and equip them with artistic skills. Creativity is a key traitBeing creative is a key personality that should be stimulated in young people's lives. If the government spends a reasonable amount of money on art in school, such as increasing teachers' salariesincreasing the teachers' salaries and providing some equipment, students will have more opportunities to appreciate the beauty of art and to be taught by well-known art teachers. Eventually, this will not only encourage them to be more creative, but also help them develop relatively advanced artistic skills, which may play a significant role in their future lives.
On the other hand, sponsoring professional sports and art events in communities can be beneficial for residents. Residents are usually under stress from their work and studies. Participating in sports and art events, such as sports competitions and art exhibitions, can help them relieve stressrelieve their pressure temporarily. In addition, sponsoring such activities can enhance community cohesion, which is significant in societal development. Thus, the government should consider contributing money to such events.
In conclusion, I believe money from the government should be distributed to foster sports and art primarily in schoolsin school primarily. However, the government also needs to spend a sensible amount of money on financing professional sports and art events in communities.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay presents a well-structured argument with a clear, balanced perspective on funding sports and arts in schools versus community events. Your key points are logically organised and supported with clear reasoning and relevant examples. To improve further, focus on refining collocations and ensuring greater precision in complex grammatical structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
You present a clear position throughout the essay and thoroughly address both sides of the argument.
Deepen your body paragraphs by comparing the direct societal impact of school funding against community events within the same paragraph to highlight the trade-offs more explicitly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically structured into clear paragraphs with appropriate linking expressions.
Vary your paragraph transition strategies to avoid over-relying on standard sequence connectors like 'On the other hand' and 'In addition'.
Lexical Resource
You demonstrate a good range of topic-specific vocabulary and generally natural word choices.
Focus on precise prepositional collocations, such as changing 'allocate money in encouraging' to 'allocate money to encourage'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
You use a variety of complex sentence structures with a high level of grammatical accuracy.
Ensure subtle phrasing issues like 'take more exercise' are refined to more natural expressions such as 'engage in more physical activity'.