Write Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender? What is your view? Explain your position.
Sample Response
It is evident that the gender gap is closing in the vast majority of occupations in today’s society. However, some remain with the opinion that females and males are born to have differences in terms of their vocational preferences. Despite this, I would argue in this essay that it is wrong to exclude a certain gender from a certain occupation.
It is undoubtedly true that a certain gender could be more appreciated in some professions. It is mainly determined by the biological differences between males and females. For example, females are perceived to be more caring and nurturing by nature, so that they could be more suitable working in nurseries and hospitals; whereas, males are more likely to be employed in mining and construction industries because they are physically stronger. In those cases, the gender gap may remain in the short future.
However, for the vast majority of professions, making occupations more open to both genders has significant advantages. Different genders could bring different perspectives into work, which could generate more possibilities for a company’s development. For example, a male nurse could offer his unique experience to a female-dominated team in order to promote a more holistic care to patients in both genders. Moreover, there is evidence that a mixed-gender working environment is often proven to be more efficient. Therefore, companies could benefit from the different perspectives and efficiency that mixed gender teams bring.
To conclude, although some occupations remain to be female or male dominant, there are more advantages to allowing both genders have the freedom of their vocational choices. Companies that facilitate this equality could benefit from the increased possibilities and efficiency.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: remain with the opinion Suggested revision: hold the opinion Why it matters: The verb 'hold' collocates naturally with 'opinion' in formal English.
- 2. Make wording concise Original: are born to have differences Suggested revision: naturally differ Why it matters: This concise phrase expresses the intended idea more naturally.
- 3. Clarify suitability Original: more appreciated in some professions Suggested revision: better suited to some professions Why it matters: The paragraph concerns occupational suitability rather than appreciation.
- 4. Correct complement form Original: more suitable working Suggested revision: better suited to working Why it matters: The adjective phrase should be followed by 'to' and a gerund here.
- 5. Fix contrast punctuation Original: hospitals; whereas, Suggested revision: hospitals, whereas Why it matters: A comma belongs before 'whereas', with no comma immediately after it.
- 6. Use standard expression Original: short Suggested revision: near Why it matters: 'In the near future' is the standard expression for an imminent period.
- 7. Improve preposition choice Original: perspectives into work Suggested revision: perspectives to the workplace Why it matters: People bring perspectives 'to' a workplace rather than 'into work'.
- 8. Remove incorrect article Original: a more holistic care Suggested revision: more holistic care Why it matters: 'Care' is uncountable in this meaning, so it does not take 'a'.
- 9. Use natural phrasing Original: to patients in both genders Suggested revision: for patients of both genders Why it matters: This prepositional phrase states the patient groups clearly and idiomatically.
- 10. Add infinitive marker Original: allowing both genders have Suggested revision: allowing both genders to have Why it matters: The verb 'allow' requires an object followed by a to-infinitive.
- 11. Simplify awkward wording Original: freedom of their vocational choices Suggested revision: freedom to choose their careers Why it matters: The revision expresses the same idea in clearer, more natural language.
- 12. Use familiar wording Original: vocational Suggested revision: career Why it matters: 'Career preferences' communicates the same idea more directly.
Suggested Rewrites
- remain with the opinion hold the opinion
- are born to have differences naturally differ
- more appreciated in some professions better suited to some professions
- more suitable working better suited to working
- hospitals; whereas, hospitals, whereas
- short near
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear, consistent position and supports it with relevant discussion of biological differences and the benefits of mixed-gender workplaces. Its main limitation is that several claims remain general or slightly contradictory, particularly the concession that some roles suit one gender, while language is occasionally awkward. Develop the central argument more critically and refine collocations and grammatical control to make the case more precise and persuasive.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and supported with relevant reasons and examples, although some claims are generalized and the concession about gender suitability is not fully reconciled with the argument.
Explain why perceived average differences should not justify excluding individuals, and support that distinction with a more developed example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through a concession, the main argument, and a consistent conclusion, with generally effective paragraphing and referencing.
Strengthen the transition between the concession and the main position so their logical relationship is explicit rather than potentially contradictory.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and topic-appropriate, but several collocations are imprecise, including expressions such as “more appreciated” and “in the short future.”
Choose more natural collocations and precise formulations, such as “better represented” and “in the near future.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex structures is used with generally clear control, though errors in articles, complements, and prepositions recur.
Review patterns after verbs and adjectives, especially forms such as “suitable for working,” “provide holistic care,” and “allow both genders to have.”
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Write Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender? What is your view? Explain your position.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.