Some governments say how many children a family can have in their country should be strictly controlled. They may control the number of children someone has through taxes. It is sometimes necessary and right for a government to control the population in this way. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Since overpopulation is often an unbearable burden to the national economy and development of a country, it is certainly very understandable that some governments should start looking at ways of limiting their populations to a sustainable figure. So I agree that some governments should take a one or two-children policy to curb the population growth problem, but that should be done in a way so that people do not feel that their freedom has been taken away.
In the past, populations were partly regulated by frequent war and widespread disease, but in recent years, the effects of those factors have been diminished. Countries can be faced with a population that is growing much faster than the nation's food resources or employment opportunities, and whose members can be condemned to poverty by the need to feed extra mouths. They identify population control as a means to improve living standards.
But the government should target to achieve it in gradual steps and not make citizens angry in the process. Clearly, this whole area is a very delicate personal and cultural issue. Many people feel that this is not a matter for the state to decide. For that reason, it would seem that the best approach would be to work by persuasion rather than compulsion. This could be done by a process of education, awareness campaigns and advertisements that point out the way a smaller family can mean an improved quality of life for the family members, as well as less strain on the country's perhaps very limited resources.
This is the preferred way, but, if this does not succeed within a reasonable time scale, it may be necessary to consider other measures, such as tax incentives or child-benefit payments for small families only. These are midway between persuasion and compulsion but would be effective, in my opinion.
It is sometimes logical, even necessary that governments should try very hard to persuade and educate people first to restrict the population growth. They should also remember that this is a very delicate area indeed, and should try to impose things gradually and never drastically.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct preposition Original: to Suggested revision: on Why it matters: The noun 'burden' takes the preposition 'on' when naming what is affected.
- 2. Use precise population terms Original: limiting their populations to a sustainable figure Suggested revision: limiting their population growth to a sustainable level Why it matters: A population is more naturally described as reaching a sustainable level than a figure.
- 3. Remove redundant noun Original: curb the population growth problem Suggested revision: curb population growth Why it matters: The verb 'curb' already expresses addressing the problem, so 'problem' is redundant.
- 4. Correct clause linker Original: in a way so that Suggested revision: in a way that Why it matters: 'That' directly introduces the defining clause after 'way'.
- 5. Use active construction Original: Countries can be faced with Suggested revision: Countries may face Why it matters: The active form is clearer and more direct while preserving the possibility.
- 6. Clarify pronoun reference Original: They identify population control Suggested revision: Such countries may identify population control Why it matters: The explicit noun phrase removes uncertainty about what 'They' refers to.
- 7. Correct verb pattern Original: target to achieve it Suggested revision: aim to achieve this Why it matters: 'Aim to achieve' is the natural verb pattern, and 'this' refers clearly to the stated goal.
- 8. Use natural expression Original: point out the way Suggested revision: show how Why it matters: 'Show how' correctly introduces an explanation of the benefit.
- 9. Restore parallel structure Original: as well as less strain Suggested revision: as well as placing less strain Why it matters: The gerund phrase is parallel with the preceding statement about what a smaller family can do.
- 10. Clarify demonstrative reference Original: These are midway Suggested revision: These measures fall midway Why it matters: The added noun identifies the policies being compared and supplies a natural verb.
- 11. Complete adverbial meaning Original: never drastically Suggested revision: never in a drastic manner Why it matters: The original adverb lacks a clear action or manner relationship at the end of the sentence.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: It is sometimes logical, even necessary that governments should try very hard to persuade and educate people first to restrict the population growth. Suggested revision: It is sometimes logical, and even necessary, for governments first to persuade and educate people to limit population growth. Why it matters: The rewrite corrects the complement structure and adverb placement while preserving the proposed sequence.
Suggested Rewrites
- to on
- limiting their populations to a sustainable figure limiting their population growth to a sustainable level
- curb the population growth problem curb population growth
- in a way so that in a way that
- Countries can be faced with Countries may face
- They identify population control Such countries may identify population control
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay presents a clear, nuanced position that accepts population control while prioritising persuasion and gradual measures, and it develops this stance through relevant economic, ethical, and policy considerations. Its main limitation is occasional awkward phrasing and a few general claims that could be supported more concretely. The highest-priority improvement is to add a specific real-world illustration of how education or tax incentives can reduce population growth without excessive coercion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response maintains a clear qualified agreement and develops relevant reasons, ethical concerns, and graduated policy options in substantial detail.
Support the proposed education or tax measures with one concrete example showing how they could work in practice.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses logically from the need for control to personal-freedom concerns and then to increasingly stronger interventions, with effective paragraphing and cohesive control.
Clarify the ambiguous reference in 'They identify population control' so every pronoun has an immediate, precise referent.
Lexical Resource
A wide range of precise policy and social vocabulary is used effectively, with only occasional awkward collocations such as 'take a one or two-children policy'.
Refine the few unnatural combinations by using forms such as 'adopt a one- or two-child policy' and 'aim to achieve this gradually'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses a broad variety of complex structures with strong control, though a few agreement, hyphenation, and clause-pattern errors remain.
Polish structures such as 'it may be necessary for governments to' and check compound modifiers such as 'two-child policy'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some governments say how many children a family can have in their country should be strictly controlled. They may control the number of children someone has through taxes. It is sometimes necessary and right for a government to control the population in this way. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.