We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
It is irrefutable that all countries make efforts to improve their infrastructure and development in the modern era without any interference from others. The community thinks that every nation is unable to solve the problem of other countries because they do not have sufficient assets as well as funds; therefore, the nation would resolve their internal matter first and attain their intention toward the society. However, I endorse the statement to some extent. I have some solid ground to defend my opinion, which I would like to explicate at length in the paragraph to come.
To begin with, the international contribution is offering a strengthening of bonding with one another throughout the world. To explain, aid could be given by funding the development of poor countries for improving the conditions of hospitals and medical training and giving free medicine to ensure good healthcare; this leading needy person or community across the border is likely to set up a correlation with other and offer to exchange possible expects in a serious situation. For instance, during the COVID-19 pandemic, India tried to help and deliver numerous vaccination, including needed amenities, to average countries, which eventually, those countries controlled their cases of infection with the helping hand of India. In addition, refusing to give a to poor countries could result in hundreds of thousands of unnecessary deaths.
On the other hand, despite international aid, supporting the nation’s people is more valuable for public interest promotion. In other words, it would be wrong when a country considers the problem of other nations instead of people from native countries. At this point, states need to invest handsome funds to stabilize the various opportunity for people, which they easily engage and help to improve the economy of the country. For example, several global problems are occurring without being unpredictable. Such as climate change, poverty, inequality in society, or serve disaster. In that case, countries need to be trained on how to tackle their domestic problems rather than expecting help from others.
To put, In a nutshell, I pen down saying that in some poor nations, the condition has created a humanitarian crisis that cannot be ignored by rich countries. Therefore, rich countries must be implemented world law to contribute with possible sort of help in worse conditions.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a natural subject Original: The community thinks Suggested revision: Many people believe Why it matters: The community is too vague and unnatural as a general label for people who hold this view.
- 2. Express inability clearly Original: every nation is unable Suggested revision: no nation is able Why it matters: The negative quantifier gives the intended general claim a clear grammatical form.
- 3. Match number and reference Original: their internal matter Suggested revision: its internal matters Why it matters: The singular subject nation requires its, while matters should be plural in this general statement.
- 4. Correct the collocation Original: attain their intention toward the society Suggested revision: achieve its goals for society Why it matters: Achieve goals for society expresses the intended meaning in natural English.
- 5. Use the fixed phrase Original: some solid ground Suggested revision: solid grounds Why it matters: Grounds is the conventional plural noun when referring to reasons supporting an opinion.
- 6. Name the concept precisely Original: the international contribution Suggested revision: international aid Why it matters: International aid is the precise term for assistance given between countries.
- 7. Use a direct verb Original: is offering a strengthening of bonding Suggested revision: strengthens bonds Why it matters: The direct verb phrase is grammatical and avoids an unnatural chain of nouns.
- 8. Restore the missing noun Original: a Suggested revision: aid Why it matters: Aid is required after give to complete the meaning of the phrase.
- 9. Use a natural phrase Original: public interest promotion Suggested revision: promoting the public interest Why it matters: The gerund phrase expresses this purpose more naturally and clearly.
- 10. Correct the collocation Original: handsome Suggested revision: substantial Why it matters: Substantial is the conventional adjective for a large amount of funding.
- 11. Fix verb and number Original: stabilize the various opportunity Suggested revision: create various opportunities Why it matters: Create matches the intended meaning, and various requires a plural count noun.
- 12. Clarify the clause Original: which they easily engage and help to improve Suggested revision: so that people can engage in them and help improve Why it matters: This revision supplies the missing preposition and makes the clause's subject and purpose clear.
Suggested Rewrites
- The community thinks Many people believe
- every nation is unable no nation is able
- their internal matter its internal matters
- attain their intention toward the society achieve its goals for society
- some solid ground solid grounds
- the international contribution international aid
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response shows a useful attempt to consider both international assistance and domestic priorities, and the COVID-19 example gives one argument concrete relevance. However, the writer’s degree of agreement is inconsistent and several ideas become difficult to follow because of inaccurate wording and sentence construction; the priority is to state one precise position, organize each paragraph around it, and express supporting points in simpler, controlled language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both sides of the issue are discussed with some support, but the degree of agreement is unclear and the conclusion does not fully align with the introduction.
State exactly how far you agree and make every main idea and the conclusion consistently support that position.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a recognizable paragraph structure, although progression is weakened by unclear internal logic and mechanical or inaccurate linking.
Give each body paragraph one explicit controlling idea and connect its explanation and example in a direct sequence.
Lexical Resource
There is an attempt to use a broad vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices often obscure the intended meaning.
Prefer familiar, precise combinations such as provide aid, developing countries, employment opportunities, and severe disasters.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted, but frequent errors in sentence construction, agreement, articles, and word forms cause strain for the reader.
Build shorter complete sentences first, then check each clause for a clear subject-verb relationship and accurate noun forms.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.