We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
There are various reasons behind the fact of helping to certain people, communities or countries only. First of all, you may not have financial solvency to help a country but certainly, may have the ability to help a community or a particular people. In some cases, you may have the positive intention to aid but which will not be taken warmly due to the culture of the society you live in. On the other hand, the people may not be interested in taking help from you due to different political or religious point of view.
A society has different types of people in terms of their origin, culture, religion, tribes, taboos and political stands which narrow down the probability of providing support to or taking aid from others. It is the nature of human being to form the community with the people whose mindsets are more or less similar. That’s why one always wants to get the help from the group with whom he feels comfortable. Beside this, there is another reason for not taking help from other people is anonymity.
Sometimes unknown people want to help others to come to close with each other so that the aided people can be exploited later by illegal means or taking advantages of the people which he cannot get in any other way. Furthermore, bad people also want to help to take advantages in the society but people are usually not used to take help from those. However, sometimes, it becomes a question of humanity to aid the people beyond the country like helping the victim of natural disasters or manmade disasters which are usually provided by the government of a country.
In conclusion, I would like to say that helping others is the first condition of humanities but one should only worry about helping his own communities and countries considering his social, cultural and financial limitations.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Awkward phrase Original: fact of helping to certain people Suggested revision: reasons for helping only certain people Why it matters: This expresses the idea more naturally.
- 2. Word order Original: communities or countries only Suggested revision: only certain communities or countries Why it matters: Only should be placed next to the idea it limits.
- 3. Wrong register Original: financial solvency Suggested revision: enough financial resources Why it matters: Solvency is usually a legal or business finance term.
- 4. Count noun error Original: a particular people Suggested revision: particular people Why it matters: People is plural here and does not take a.
- 5. Article use Original: may have the positive intention Suggested revision: may have a positive intention Why it matters: A singular count noun needs an article.
- 6. Unclear clause Original: but which will not be taken warmly Suggested revision: but your help may not be welcomed Why it matters: The relative clause has no clear subject.
- 7. Plural form Original: political or religious point of view Suggested revision: political or religious points of view Why it matters: The sentence refers to differing views.
- 8. Natural phrase Original: political stands Suggested revision: political views Why it matters: This is the standard expression.
- 9. Awkward collocation Original: narrow down the probability Suggested revision: reduce the likelihood Why it matters: This is more natural academic wording.
- 10. Article and number Original: the nature of human being Suggested revision: the nature of human beings Why it matters: The general plural form is required.
- 11. Article error Original: the community with the people Suggested revision: a community with people Why it matters: The sentence speaks generally, not about one known community.
- 12. Article use Original: one always wants to get the help Suggested revision: people usually want to get help Why it matters: Help is uncountable here.
Suggested Rewrites
- fact of helping to certain people reasons for helping only certain people
- communities or countries only only certain communities or countries
- financial solvency enough financial resources
- a particular people particular people
- may have the positive intention may have a positive intention
- but which will not be taken warmly but your help may not be welcomed
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response addresses the topic of helping others, but the position on whether we should only help our own communities and countries is delayed and not consistently argued. Several ideas move away from the task into distrust of unknown helpers.
State your agree or disagree position in the introduction, then use each body paragraph to support that position with relevant reasons.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is basic paragraphing, but progression is uneven and some links between ideas are unclear. Several sentences repeat the same idea about people refusing help.
Plan one paragraph for practical limits and one for moral responsibility beyond national borders.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for the topic, but word choice is often unnatural, such as financial solvency, political stands, and humanities.
Use simpler, accurate topic words such as resources, beliefs, communities, and humanity.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent grammar problems with articles, clauses, and verb patterns make parts of the argument hard to follow. Meaning is usually recoverable but not always precise.
Revise long sentences into shorter subject-verb-object structures before adding complex clauses.