In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development?
Sample Response
Nowadays, many people prefer hiring personal fitness trainers instead of joining group exercise classes or sports teams. While personal trainers offer customized workout plans tailored to individual needs and goals, this trend raises concerns about affordability and lack of community.
To begin with, the main benefit of personal trainers is that they provide one-on-one attention and personalized workout routines designed specifically for each client. This personalized approach can lead to better results aligned with the individual’s fitness objectives. Personal trainers also provide motivation and accountability, which can help people stay committed to their fitness journey. However, a major downside is that personal training services are often expensive, making them unaffordable for many people. This creates inequalities, as only those with sufficient financial means can access these personalized fitness services. Further, the rise of personal training may contribute to the decline of group fitness activities like exercise classes and sports teams. These group activities foster a sense of community, social interaction, and shared experiences, which are valuable for overall well-being.
To address these concerns, efforts should be made to promote both personal training and group fitness activities. Group classes and sports should be encouraged as they create a sense of community while still supporting individual fitness goals. At the same time, exploring ways to make personal training more affordable or subsidized could help reduce disparities in access.
In conclusion, while personal fitness trainers offer benefits like customized plans, the trend raises valid concerns about affordability and lack of community engagement. A balanced approach that celebrates both personalized and group-based fitness activities can create an inclusive environment that supports the well-being of people from all backgrounds. (271 words)
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundant wording Original: personalized workout routines designed specifically Suggested revision: workout routines tailored Why it matters: “Personalized” and “designed specifically” repeat the same idea.
- 2. Clarify the relationship Original: better results aligned with Suggested revision: better results that align with Why it matters: A relative clause expresses the relationship between results and objectives more clearly.
- 3. Avoid nearby repetition Original: provide Suggested revision: offer Why it matters: “Offer” avoids repeating “provide” from the preceding sentence.
- 4. Use precise wording Original: journey Suggested revision: routine Why it matters: “Fitness routine” is more concrete and less formulaic in an academic essay.
- 5. Use formal vocabulary Original: a major downside Suggested revision: a significant drawback Why it matters: “Significant drawback” is more precise and formal for academic writing.
- 6. Specify the inequality Original: This creates inequalities Suggested revision: This creates inequality in access Why it matters: The revision identifies the particular kind of inequality being discussed.
- 7. Reduce lexical repetition Original: these Suggested revision: such Why it matters: “Such” links the services directly to the description in the preceding clause.
- 8. Use formal transition Original: Further Suggested revision: Furthermore Why it matters: “Furthermore” functions more naturally as a sentence-level additive transition here.
- 9. Use formal exemplifier Original: activities like exercise classes Suggested revision: activities such as exercise classes Why it matters: “Such as” introduces examples more formally in academic prose.
- 10. Improve verb choice Original: celebrates Suggested revision: supports Why it matters: “Supports” collocates more naturally with fitness activities and a balanced policy approach.
Suggested Rewrites
- personalized workout routines designed specifically workout routines tailored
- better results aligned with better results that align with
- provide offer
- journey routine
- a major downside a significant drawback
- This creates inequalities This creates inequality in access
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response is fluent, well organized, and supported by relevant discussion of personalized guidance, affordability, and the social value of group exercise. Its main limitation is that the reasons for the trend and the overall positive-or-negative judgement are not separated or stated as directly as they could be. Prioritize a sharper thesis and topic structure that explicitly answers each question before developing the supporting details.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are addressed through relevant benefits and concerns, though the reasons and final evaluation could be stated more explicitly and distinctly.
Give a direct overall judgement in the thesis and organize the main reasons for hiring trainers separately from the evaluation of the trend.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through clear paragraphs and cohesive links, with only some imbalance caused by concentrating several functions in the long second paragraph.
Give the reasons and the evaluation their own focused body paragraphs so that each stage of the argument is immediately clear.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise, with effective language for fitness, access, motivation, and community despite some repetition of key terms.
Reduce repetition of words such as personal, personalized, and group by using precise paraphrases where they remain natural.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence forms is used accurately and flexibly, with errors rare and meaning consistently clear.
Refine occasional awkward coordination, especially when linking alternatives such as making services affordable or subsidized.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.