In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development?
Sample Response
In numerous countries, an increasing number of individuals prefer exercising under the guidance of professional trainers rather than doing it independently. I believe there are several factors contributing to this phenomenon, and it represents a positive trend.
One primary reason is the higher standard of living compared to previous times. In the past, the cost of a personal trainer was quite substantial, making it unaffordable for many. However, in the present day, people earn more disposable income and can afford the expense of hiring a personal fitness trainer. Moreover, the desire to enhance skills may also play a significant role. Most personal trainers have received professional education or expertise in specific fields, enabling individuals to improve their abilities and become more efficient during training sessions. In China, for instance, many young people opt for a trainer when trying new exercises, which boosts their confidence and helps them master the movements.
Undoubtedly, the growing trend of working out with professional coaches is positive. Firstly, these trainers can educate individuals on how to prevent injuries while playing sports, thus reducing the risk of getting hurt. They can also assist in proper warm-ups and cool-downs after workouts. For example, a personal fitness trainer can create a suitable training schedule and daily diet plan for their clients, enhancing the effectiveness of their training and ensuring they get adequate rest. Secondly, the fitness industry is a lucrative sector, generating numerous job opportunities. This industry promotes the health of individuals and contributes to the overall socio-economic well-being.
In conclusion, it is understandable and beneficial for more people to opt for personal fitness trainers to guide their workouts, as this choice benefits both individuals and society at large. (281 words)
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural time comparison Original: compared to previous times Suggested revision: than in the past Why it matters: This is a more natural way to compare present and past living standards.
- 2. Use precise cost wording Original: the cost of a personal trainer was quite substantial Suggested revision: the cost of hiring a personal trainer was quite high Why it matters: Costs are more naturally described as high than substantial.
- 3. Correct income collocation Original: earn Suggested revision: have Why it matters: People have disposable income; they earn income more generally.
- 4. Simplify the expression Original: afford the expense of hiring Suggested revision: afford to hire Why it matters: The direct infinitive is clearer and more natural here.
- 5. Specify the skills Original: the desire to enhance skills Suggested revision: the desire to improve exercise technique Why it matters: The revision identifies the particular ability that a trainer can develop.
- 6. Fix parallel structure Original: have received professional education or expertise Suggested revision: have received professional training or developed expertise Why it matters: The two alternatives now use parallel verb phrases and natural collocations.
- 7. Use a specific noun Original: improve their abilities Suggested revision: improve their exercise technique Why it matters: The original noun is too general for the training context.
- 8. Natural training expression Original: become more efficient during training sessions Suggested revision: train more effectively Why it matters: Effectively expresses the intended quality of exercise more naturally than efficient.
- 9. Use natural phrasing Original: assist in proper warm-ups and cool-downs Suggested revision: help clients warm up and cool down properly Why it matters: The verb phrases are clearer and more idiomatic in this context.
- 10. Correct the connector Original: For example, a personal fitness trainer Suggested revision: Furthermore, a personal fitness trainer Why it matters: This sentence adds another benefit rather than exemplifying the preceding point about cool-downs.
- 11. Remove lexical redundancy Original: the fitness industry is a lucrative sector Suggested revision: the fitness industry is lucrative Why it matters: Industry and sector have overlapping meanings, so one is sufficient.
- 12. Use concise possession Original: promotes the health of individuals Suggested revision: promotes individuals’ health Why it matters: The possessive construction is more concise and natural.
Suggested Rewrites
- compared to previous times than in the past
- the cost of a personal trainer was quite substantial the cost of hiring a personal trainer was quite high
- earn have
- afford the expense of hiring afford to hire
- the desire to enhance skills the desire to improve exercise technique
- have received professional education or expertise have received professional training or developed expertise
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response’s strongest feature is its clear, well-organised explanation of both the reasons for using trainers and the benefits of the trend, supported with relevant examples. Its main limitation is that several claims, especially the employment benefit and the link between higher living standards and trainer use, remain broad; developing these points with more precise causal analysis would make the argument more convincing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers both questions with a clear positive position and relevant, generally developed reasons and benefits.
Develop the broader claims about employment and disposable income with more precise causal explanation or evidence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices and referencing are managed effectively.
Use less overt sequencing language where the relationship between ideas is already clear.
Lexical Resource
A broad, generally precise vocabulary supports fluent discussion, although a few combinations are slightly generic or awkward.
Choose more exact collocations when describing trainers’ qualifications, clients’ goals, and economic effects.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence structures is used accurately, with most sentences error-free and easy to follow.
Refine the occasional compressed modifier or reference so every complex sentence is maximally precise.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.