In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development?
Sample Response
These days, many individuals are opting to hire personal fitness trainers instead of engaging in traditional sports or exercise classes. This trend can be attributed to several factors. While this shift towards personal fitness training may have its merits, it also raises significant concerns. I believe that it is a negative development because the increasing preference for personal fitness trainers reflects the lack of community engagement and a disparity in the affordability of this service.
One of the main reasons people are choosing personal fitness trainers is the desire for customised fitness plans tailored to their specific needs and goals. Unlike standardised exercise classes, personal trainers can design workouts that target individual strengths and weaknesses, making the fitness journey more efficient and effective. Additionally, personal trainers provide personalised attention and support, which can be particularly appealing to those seeking motivation and accountability in their fitness endeavours. For instance, in countries like the United States, where a culture of individualism prevails, many people prefer personalised services in various aspects of their lives, including fitness.
This trend raises concerns about its accessibility and potential drawbacks. Personal fitness training can be expensive, making it a luxury that may not be affordable for everyone. This may exacerbate existing health disparities, as access to personalised fitness services becomes limited to those who can afford them. Furthermore, the shift towards personal training might lead to reduced participation in group sports or exercise classes, which can diminish the sense of community and camaraderie that such activities often foster. Therefore, it is mostly a negative development.
In conclusion, not all can afford the luxury of having personal fitness trainers. So efforts should be made to promote the benefits of group sports and exercise classes, as they can create a sense of community and encourage social interaction while supporting individual fitness goals for all.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: engaging in traditional sports Suggested revision: participating in sports Why it matters: This is a more natural collocation and avoids implying that the sports themselves are traditional.
- 2. Remove duplicated meaning Original: customised fitness plans tailored Suggested revision: fitness plans tailored Why it matters: “Customised” and “tailored” repeat the same idea.
- 3. Prefer precise wording Original: making the fitness journey Suggested revision: making their training Why it matters: “Training” is more specific and less clichéd than “fitness journey.”
- 4. Make wording concise Original: in various aspects of their lives Suggested revision: across various areas of their lives Why it matters: The replacement expresses the same idea more compactly and naturally.
- 5. Name the concern precisely Original: concerns about its accessibility and potential drawbacks Suggested revision: concerns about its affordability and broader drawbacks Why it matters: The paragraph specifically discusses cost, so “affordability” is more precise than “accessibility.”
- 6. Avoid lexical repetition Original: a luxury that may not be affordable for everyone Suggested revision: a service that many people cannot afford Why it matters: This removes the repetitive pairing of “luxury” and “affordable.”
- 7. Avoid near repetition Original: the sense of community and camaraderie Suggested revision: a sense of community Why it matters: “Community” already conveys much of the social bond expressed by “camaraderie.”
- 8. Use direct wording Original: may have its merits Suggested revision: may offer some benefits Why it matters: The replacement expresses the same concession in clearer, more direct language.
- 9. Name negative effects Original: significant concerns Suggested revision: serious drawbacks Why it matters: “Drawbacks” connects the phrase more explicitly to the essay's evaluation of the development.
- 10. Use concise tense Original: people are choosing personal fitness trainers Suggested revision: people choose personal fitness trainers Why it matters: The simple present is more concise for describing a general reason behind the trend.
- 11. Clarify the benefit Original: particularly appealing to those seeking Suggested revision: especially helpful for those seeking Why it matters: “Helpful” connects the trainers' support more directly to clients' need for motivation and accountability.
- 12. Prefer concrete wording Original: fitness endeavours Suggested revision: training efforts Why it matters: “Training efforts” is more concrete and natural in this context.
Suggested Rewrites
- engaging in traditional sports participating in sports
- customised fitness plans tailored fitness plans tailored
- making the fitness journey making their training
- in various aspects of their lives across various areas of their lives
- concerns about its accessibility and potential drawbacks concerns about its affordability and broader drawbacks
- a luxury that may not be affordable for everyone a service that many people cannot afford
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its direct, well-organised treatment of both the reasons for personal training and the case that the trend is largely negative. Its main limitation is that the example about American individualism is asserted rather than closely demonstrated, while a few phrases are slightly awkward. The highest-priority improvement is to deepen that supporting example and sharpen the wording of the affordability argument without adding unnecessary material.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response fully addresses both questions, maintains a clear position, and develops relevant reasons and consequences in depth.
Make the individualism example more concrete by explaining precisely how it drives people away from group exercise.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument is sequenced clearly across purposeful paragraphs, and cohesion is controlled without distracting the reader.
Strengthen the transition into the negative-development paragraph by explicitly linking its drawbacks to the preference explained earlier.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and suitably academic, with only occasional awkward phrasing.
Refine phrases such as “a disparity in the affordability” and avoid repeating forms of “personal” where a precise substitute is available.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, with only rare minor lapses.
Polish the few less natural constructions, especially “not all can afford,” while preserving the existing sentence variety.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.