In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?
Sample Response
In many Asian countries, there has always been an invisible pressure put on men since they were born. Those can be academic achievements, success in career via various ways such as being in the top of a school, having a high-paying job or obviously, owning a private accommodation. Because of the conservative ideology, Asians usually consider a house is an indicator of prosperity and high-tier social status, not only for themselves but also for their families and children. Moreover, people usually want to claim ownership, and this is not new throughout human history. Take colonies, for example, people always desire something that they can have absolute control over it. While a rent house may not satisfy your demand because you have minimal rights to do anything you want with it. As mentioned above, renting a house has some certain disadvantages. Firstly, it is definitely not a long-term investment even though you can avoid mortgage deposit and other taxes, but you will be under the supervision of the landlord all the time. For example, you cannot renovate or redecorate your home at all without the landlord’s permission. Next, if you choose this type of housing, you may take risk of being moved multiple times due to limited vacancies or property sale from the landlord. Last but not least, since the proprietor is in charge, he or she might suddenly raise the rent, and that is a really big issue when you are in the condition of insufficient finance. Bottom line, possessing a house is better than renting one. Although you may have to be responsible for repairs, remodelling or pay land-related additional fees, it is yours and always be. No matter what happens to you, remember there is always a home awaiting you to come back.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify pronoun reference Original: Those can be Suggested revision: Such pressures can include Why it matters: “Those” has no clear plural noun antecedent, while the replacement links directly to the preceding pressure.
- 2. Use natural collocation Original: success in career Suggested revision: career success Why it matters: “Career success” is the natural noun phrase for achievement in one’s work.
- 3. Use natural example phrase Original: via various ways such as Suggested revision: in various forms, such as Why it matters: The original combination of “via” and “ways” is awkward and needs punctuation before the examples.
- 4. Correct ranking phrase Original: in the top of a school Suggested revision: at the top of one’s class Why it matters: The replacement naturally describes a high academic ranking.
- 5. Fix uncountable noun Original: accommodation Suggested revision: home Why it matters: “Accommodation” is uncountable here and cannot follow the singular article “a.”
- 6. Remove unnecessary article Original: Because of the conservative ideology Suggested revision: Because of conservative ideology Why it matters: No specific previously identified ideology is being referenced, so the definite article is unnecessary.
- 7. Correct consider pattern Original: consider a house is Suggested revision: consider a house to be Why it matters: “Consider” takes an object followed by an infinitive complement in this structure.
- 8. Use natural status phrase Original: high-tier social status Suggested revision: high social status Why it matters: “High social status” is the standard collocation, while “high-tier” is unnatural here.
- 9. Use natural time phrase Original: throughout Suggested revision: in Why it matters: “In human history” is the natural expression for locating this recurring desire over time.
- 10. Remove duplicate object Original: something that they can have absolute control over it Suggested revision: something over which they can have absolute control Why it matters: The relative pronoun already represents the object, so the final “it” is redundant.
- 11. Remove double determiner Original: some certain disadvantages Suggested revision: certain disadvantages Why it matters: “Some” and “certain” cannot both determine the same noun phrase here.
- 12. Use correct risk phrase Original: take risk of Suggested revision: run the risk of Why it matters: The fixed expression is “run the risk of.”
Suggested Rewrites
- Those can be Such pressures can include
- success in career career success
- via various ways such as in various forms, such as
- in the top of a school at the top of one’s class
- accommodation home
- Because of the conservative ideology Because of conservative ideology
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response gives a clear preference for home ownership and offers relevant reasons involving social status, control, housing security, and rent increases. However, it treats the positive-or-negative question largely as a comparison with renting, so the broader effects of society's strong emphasis on ownership are only partly evaluated. The highest priority is to address that situation directly and develop a balanced rationale for the final judgement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The reasons for valuing ownership are relevant and the positive view is clear, but the wider situation is evaluated only indirectly through drawbacks of renting.
Explain whether strong social pressure to own homes benefits or harms individuals and society, then justify that judgement explicitly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas follow a recognisable sequence, but one continuous paragraph and mechanical listing make the progression less effective.
Organise the response into separate paragraphs for cultural reasons, practical reasons, evaluation, and conclusion.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficient topic-related range, although frequent awkward collocations and imprecise expressions reduce naturalness.
Replace phrases such as private accommodation, rent house, and insufficient finance with precise, conventional academic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning remains generally clear and some complex forms are attempted, but fragments, run-ons, article errors, and faulty verb patterns recur.
Write complete sentences and review article use, relative clauses, and verb complements before adding further structural complexity.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.