Developing countries like Bangladesh should concentrate more on industrial development, instead of agriculture, to achieve better development. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
While industrial development has certainly played a significant role in the development of many countries, I disagree with the notion that developing countries like Bangladesh should prioritize industrial development over agriculture. In fact, I believe that agriculture is the backbone of the economy in many developing countries, and it is essential for the sustainable development of these nations.
Firstly, agriculture is often the primary source of income for many people in developing countries, especially those in rural areas. By investing in agriculture, these countries can not only provide jobs and income for their citizens but also contribute to food security and self-sufficiency. This is particularly important in a country like Bangladesh, where agriculture is the largest sector of the economy and employs over 40% of the labour force.
Secondly, agricultural development can have a significant impact on poverty reduction in developing countries. By increasing agricultural productivity and providing support for small-scale farmers, these countries can improve the living standards of their citizens and create a more equitable society.
Furthermore, agriculture can also provide a foundation for industrial development in developing countries. For example, by investing in value-added processing and manufacturing of agricultural products, these countries can create new industries and increase exports, contributing to overall economic growth.
In conclusion, while industrial development certainly has its place in the development of many countries, it is crucial for developing countries to prioritize agriculture as a means of achieving sustainable development. By investing in agriculture, these countries can provide jobs and income for their citizens, reduce poverty, and lay the foundation for future economic growth.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a leaner phrase Original: played a significant role in the development of many countries Suggested revision: contributed significantly to the development of many countries Why it matters: This replacement expresses the same idea more directly.
- 2. Clarify the reference Original: This is particularly important Suggested revision: This investment is particularly important Why it matters: Naming the referent makes the link to the previous sentence explicit.
- 3. Improve the collocation Original: have a significant impact on poverty reduction Suggested revision: play a significant role in reducing poverty Why it matters: The revised wording is more natural and direct.
- 4. Use a concise verb Original: providing support for small-scale farmers Suggested revision: supporting small-scale farmers Why it matters: A direct verb avoids an unnecessarily wordy construction.
- 5. Tighten the noun phrase Original: living standards of their citizens Suggested revision: their citizens' living standards Why it matters: The possessive form makes the phrase more concise.
- 6. Reduce word repetition Original: development Suggested revision: growth Why it matters: Using growth avoids repeating development in the same phrase.
- 7. Improve parallel phrasing Original: manufacturing Suggested revision: manufacture Why it matters: The paired nouns create a more balanced expression.
- 8. Mark the result clearly Original: contributing to overall economic growth Suggested revision: thereby contributing to overall economic growth Why it matters: Thereby makes the cause-and-result relationship explicit.
- 9. Make the purpose concise Original: as a means of achieving sustainable development Suggested revision: to achieve sustainable development Why it matters: The infinitive conveys the same purpose more economically.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: In fact, I believe that agriculture is the backbone of the economy in many developing countries, and it is essential for the sustainable development of these nations. Suggested revision: I believe agriculture is central to many developing economies and essential to their sustainable development. Why it matters: This version removes a stock metaphor and reduces repeated wording while preserving the claim.
- 11. Strengthen the causal sequence Suggested revision: Make the link between higher agricultural productivity, support for farmers, improved living standards, and greater equity more explicit. Why it matters: The paragraph presents a valid sequence, but its causal progression is currently compressed.
Suggested Rewrites
- played a significant role in the development of many countries contributed significantly to the development of many countries
- This is particularly important This investment is particularly important
- have a significant impact on poverty reduction play a significant role in reducing poverty
- providing support for small-scale farmers supporting small-scale farmers
- living standards of their citizens their citizens' living standards
- development growth
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response’s strongest feature is its clear, consistently maintained position, supported by three relevant reasons that explain how agriculture can drive sustainable development. Its main limitation is that some claims, especially the economic statistics and poverty-reduction points, are asserted rather than examined in depth. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each central argument with a more specific causal explanation or illustrative example, while trimming repeated references to jobs, income, and development.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly answers the question with a clear position and develops several relevant reasons supporting agricultural priority.
Deepen the poverty-reduction and industry-link arguments with more specific causal explanation or concrete illustration.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader clearly without obscuring relationships.
Reduce formulaic sequencing and repeated conclusion language by creating smoother conceptual links between the main arguments.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary conveys economic and developmental ideas effectively, with generally natural collocations.
Vary repeated terms such as development, countries, jobs, and income to make the discussion more economical and nuanced.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex sentence structures is used accurately, with strong control of punctuation and agreement.
Refine sentence rhythm by occasionally shortening long coordinated structures while maintaining the same high level of accuracy.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Developing countries like Bangladesh should concentrate more on industrial development, instead of agriculture, to achieve better development. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.